Blue Saturday

I am stupid and you are going to have to explain me "reflexion" in that usage.

Forgot to check my work/headhunter email for a week, and the headhunter I thought had forgotten me because she didn't ring, emailed me over a week ago. Guess that job has gone by now. I'm not filled with confidence because the idea of going back to work in finance makes me want to slit my wrists. But, still, it makes me feel like a complete nubbin because I didn't check my email for a week. Basically chucked my entire life aside for a month, for a project I now think was a complete waste of time and oh, now all the panic and the bleurgh has come back.

i think "reflexion" was just a vagary of that translation tbh

i'm terrible at checking my emails, keeping in touch with people, being in the work world etc

in fact this morning i was gonna write some kind of "i need to stay off ILX and stop recycling my maundering thoughts because altho i thought this wd help me stay sane it doesn't really go anywhere and i am never going to come to terms with who i am in the world" most of which was true as true but i wd add a caveat to say not going to come to terms with the world itself, and the world doesn't care whether any of us do that

but today i found out about this

BiTrektual is the ninth album by Cuban American dark cabaret/dark wave singer Voltaire. It was released on September 2, 2012, opening pre-orders from July 30, 2012 on his website, Voltaire.net, until the official release. It is filled with Voltaire's Star Wars and Star Trek parody songs, including "Docking Bay 94", "Yoda (a monologue)", the songs on the album Banned on Vulcan from 2001, and the main track, "BiTrektual". It is available on iTunes and CDbaby.

Actors Garrett Wang (Ensign Kim), Tim Russ (Tuvok), and Robert Picardo (the holographic doctor from Voyager) contributed vocals to tracks on the album.[1]

The cover features Voltaire dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi kissing Sulu.

and tho i don't know what to make of it i feel like it makes the world better

I was wondering if it was an archaic spelling or if it meant something technical.

it's a footnote from Capital so i think it's either an archaic or American spelling for "reflection" - have seen the same observation with regards to words like "pig" and "pork" or "cow" and "beef"

I've seen lots of things in e.g. Jane Austen with "connexion" instead of "connection" so I think it's probably just archaic.

£60,000 a year for a Senior SAP BO BI. I don't even understand what some of these job descriptions mean. That sounds like something off Teletubbies.

What does "really going anywhere" actually mean, like what activities are actually ~worth it~, anyway? What would you be doing in its place? What is the point of doing anything? Because you get paid for it, because it makes you happy, because it brings you closer to the people you care about? Because it makes other people's lives a millimetre better?

Or recording Star Trek parody songs. That's got to make some people very very happy.

But I am currently having lighthouse envy.

I mean, the whole Romance = posh / Germanic = common thing, it's like... yeah, see my screen name. There's a whole history of language and oppression you're just ignoring there.

http://www.irishtimes.com/news/crime-and-law/engineer-outlines-dangers-of-throwing-items-at-lingerie-parties-1.1711230

sorry it's not as good, but i thought you might want kept updated with the case

xp

absolutely as far as the Anglo-Saxons being a colonial power themselves, that Romance/Germanic thing only holds true if at all within English as it exists today

i guess "not going anywhere" meant "tired of watching myself chase my own tail" - tho i know there are knots i have unraveled, a little, over the last couple of years

"Hunks of Desire". *dies*

Where would we go if we didn't chase our tails? Where is there to go?

yeah it's true. gazing out our navels is less frenetic maybe

chasing our tails is at least a box ticked on a daily activities log, give us that

Barry Tennyson, an engineer who gave technical evidence on Ms Deehan’s behalf, said it was dangerous for a prize to be thrown among a group of adults in a circulation area at a venue where alcohol is served.

That demon drink! And certainly naught to do with the cockrings.

An engineer has told the High Court a “proper risk assessment” should be carried out in advance of throwing items in the air at Ann Summers lingerie parties where alcohol is being served. He was not saying such parties should be banned, Barry Tennyson said.

oh god thank you thank you content delivered

Who The Celts Really Are: killing each other over cockrings subsection, "proper risk assessment".

i feel bad for Ms Deehan no doubt being pressured by friends and loved ones to keep quiet lest they get banned from the pub but this is the kind of case that ends up ruining things for everybody

lol it's the story that keeps on giving

bb you will have seen the original story i hope?

check the local news story everyone must know about thread

follow on from toast thread-

nv what i really need, and i feel you may have thoughts on this, is a supervisor to whom i must (for whatever reason) report to who will tell me that i absolutely must do all of the things i currently do to procrastinate, or those behaviours that are what'll i call them- less than optimisational ito my personal goals, when i bother to have any. if that supervisor would set me actual deadlines missing good night's sleeps (ie "get less than 7 hours on no less than 3 occasions before tuesday") or idk "Eat at least 500gm of scottish shortbreads this weekend" or "that football manager game hasn't been loaded since *checks* friday last? get something done, we'll check back next week" type of thing.

maybe i'll imagine one telling me to post to ilx, idk

do you really think you procrastinate out of perversity? i'm pretty sure i end up doing what i'd rather be doing, most of the time, except when i have to compromise cos i can't do exactly what i'd rather be doing at this precise moment

like if someone told me to buy cheap hot cross buns in Asda on my way home then butter, jam, clotted cream and shovel it down it wd not make me not to do that just to be awkward

i think it could be the iota of grit that i could insert into my gastric system and mull over to produce and oyster, but it takes all sorts and maybe, idk maybe this new system i'm proposing isn't for you

PSYCH I'M DOIN IT TO U RIGHT NOW

I end up back on ILX because I'm lonely. And even highly mediated social contact is better than no social contact at all. I am not procrastinating anything here, because this is what my life is now. I write about having a life, on the internet, instead of having a life. Right, I'm off to go and make lunch.

(Except I'm not, I'm procrastinating even making lunch by reading about lighthouses on Hoy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graemsay )

I end up back on ILX because I'm lonely. And even highly mediated social contact is better than no social contact at all.

feeling this largely, tho my case is different and it's not my only social outlet, it's frequently the easiest

I no longer know if ILX is the cure for loneliness, or just another symptom. :-/

Oh. It's that day for me to get my "THE CELTS!!!!1" schtick on again.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bh85oMdCAAAFMBi.jpg

You forgot DRECKLY ;-)

Dreckly is Cornish dialect, but not Kernewek proper. Anyway, take it up with the Bowgie Inn, I nicked it off them.

I actually have a pint of Doom Bar for tonight. Though I'm going to lock myself off the interweb so I don't celebrate my Cornish heritage by getting in a knock-down fight with a SWF speller.

do you really think you procrastinate out of perversity?

my therapist sent me home to read these procrastination worksheets last year:
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=50
(warning, not for those with allergies to self-help bollocks or bad grammar)

which, I dunno, I didn't put the effort in to actually turn my life around or anything, but I guess I found it interesting to ponder Different Reasons Why I Might Be Like I Am endlessly from some new angles <-- sentences which summarise my therapy experience and entire life to date

anyway "not wanting others to tell me what to do because how dare they control me" was one of the options, think I was mostly ticking "not doing it bcz I'm scared I'll be rubbish at it" but was scared it might secretly be the former and I was only flattering myself

(xpost oh wow, Cornish orthography fights, that is some good new procrastination fuel. thank you!)

there are definitely things i do because i'm told not do them by lamesters, but i'm pretty sure i like doing most of the procrastinatey things i do, even if i regret them afterwards?

this crosses over with my thought-theme for the morning, which is something along the lines of "does being interested in too many different fields of knowledge leave you dilettantishly paddling without ever experiencing the joy of expertise?" or something like that only, y'know, expressed more clearly

a thought which occurred to me as i tried to read the Cambridge Ancient History and got sidetracked through orders of magnitude in physics, deep drilling expeditions, the Challenger deep and something about worms, while a side corridor was wondering about the availability and usefulness of careers advice for barely-qualified wasters in their mid 40s

plus ILXy miscellanea, obv

oh also spacecadet DANKE! those "imagine being less ineffectual" pdfs look like essential reading

bitte sehr! I hope you get something out of them - I shd probably revisit them myself tbh

I also sometimes think I have too many mild interests which I only have a very shallow knowledge/appreciation of, and then sometimes I think I actually have v few interests but have still managed not to engage adequately with any of them

just as one minute I tell myself life is hard because I was made to feel unacceptable, and then the next I tell myself life is hard because I was patted on the head always for showing only my shallow interests in unexpected fields, without ever needing to engage more deeply, and maybe it would have helped to be made to work for praise a little more

lyfe is contradictory, maan (watch me go in circles itt like I have been in my head forever)

*bookmarks procrastination forms to read when I get a chance*

~KK 4EVAH!!!~

when Aristophanes' frogs say "Brekekek" is he implying they are of Cornish descent y/n?

Are cornichons cornish

Brekekek? Sound suspiciously Breton to me!

So I read about halfway through the procrastination worksheets before I fucking gave up.

And it boils down to the fundamental reason why Workbook Therapy does not work for me: MY REASON IS NOT ON THEIR LIST.

These workbooks, they always act like the entirety of human experience is able to be boiled down to about 5 or 6 general groups, with a short list under each one, and if you find your problem on the list and category, then they will have the therapy that will work for you, and if you just follow all their helpful exercises, then you will be cured. And if your problem isn't on their list? OH WHOA THERE YOU SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE YOU ARE JUST NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH.

I should probably skip ahead to further pages, and see if I can glean any helpful tips (what? you're going to tell me to make lists, and cross them off? NOOOO, OMG I had never thought of that in my entire life, not since fifth grade.) But it's like... when the authors have already subdivided human psychology into categories, and made it plain that I'm not in any of their neat and careful categories, what use will it be to me, to read any of the rest of it?

honestly i didn't get that from the tone of the first couple of sheets. i'm not saying i think their process will be useful to me but they do go out of their way to acknowledge that the why can be v varied and isn't necessarily related to the efficacy of the attempt to change yr habits

NOPE.

OK, this is one of my no-go zones. When a straight white dude starts telling me about "tone" that I can read that they can't, or vice versa, that is my cue that this is not a conversation that I can be in, no matter what the conversation is about.

Sorry I brought it up.

xps ive not looked at em, but thats not procrastinating thats just naah iykwim

Has it/similar worked for anyone tho? Out of interest.

BB i apologize, i was talking purely from my own perspective.

£60,000 a year for a Senior SAP BO BI. I don't even understand what some of these job descriptions mean. That sounds like something off Teletubbies.

I can probably (some of the descriptions are thrash an the recruiting is weird in BI) tell you a bit about what it means :) So do you know Business Objects?