Coint and Plick 2014 - The Seventh Annual ILX Video Game Poll

something gently hilarious about linking to a review of farming simulator at the cape cod times

hey wake me up when you get to the tentpole xbox shooters right guys

DJP making a very compelling case above for me to get rocksmith. do u still love it?

#56 (tie): Ride to Hell: Retribution - PS3/X360/PC - 15 pts - 1 votes

http://i.imgur.com/330sx9p.gif

Website | Metacritic | EGM | Hardcore Gamer | Zero Punctuation | Bad Game? | trailer

Retribution wipes out hardest, though, by delivering gameplay that’s incompetent across the board. Motorcycle riding is super-skittish, combining annoying obstacle avoidance with super-frustrating button-prompt combat. Tricks require next to nothing in the way of balance or skill: unlike a wheelie or a drift in decent racers, a trick lasts as long as you hold down the button and avoid hitting something. Combat’s even worse, with hand-to-hand fights winnable through mindless button-mashing and super-simple button prompts, plus gunplay that ranges from unfair fights against supremely accurate A.I. to shooting sitting-duck enemies standing together motionless.

The game also harbors a staggering level of bugginess that makes you wonder how it passed certification. At one point, roughly half of our post-death restarts would lead to a hanging load screen, requiring us to quit out to the 360 dashboard. Less frequent (but more baffling) were scenes where we received a new objective but were unable to access the new area, and others where we encountered a debug error message when a new wave of enemies couldn’t properly load.

Even if Eutechnyx patches Retribution’s numerous glitches, there’s no fix for its inherent awfulness. If anything, the game should stay the way it is right now, so the bottom of the barrel is firmly established. - Official XBox Magazine

joining the pantheon of 50 cent blood on the sand and deadly premonition, but with a level of incompetence that honestly has to be seen to be believed. this is the last great mistake of this console generation, and in many ways it backslides further than i could have dreamed of. The script is howlingly terrible, the gameplay seems halfway randomized, plot is incomprehensible, TERRIBLE sexy scenes - hands down the B or maybe Z movie experience of the year, and since its got to be amazingly dirt cheap at this point, you really owe it to yourself to pick it up. - jjjusten

Dishonorable Mention: Anarchy Reigns – PS3/X360 – 0 pts – 0 votes

http://i.imgur.com/SDxVW0Q.jpg

C&Ped this from Wikipedia, it's the anarchy reigns plot summary as written by some deranged lunatic, currently under wiki review and is full of lols. Spoiler alert I guess, but it's so awesomely and appropriately incomprehensible that I didn't want it to vanish before the rollout.

"Maximillian Caxton suffers the pain of visions about killing anyone yells around the city of Altambra where Chaser Guild agent, Jack Cayman quits tobacco smoking because the girl named Stela Fitzgerald tells him that is unhealthy. Meanwhile, the Bureau of Public Safety agents Nikolai Dmitri Bulygin, Leonhardt Victorion and Sasha Ivanoff investigate there to learn where Max is located. After meeting the Blacker Baron and assistant Mathilda, Jack remembers at Milvallen that he is very nice to Stela who is shot and killed by the friendly fire during the rescue and is buried in the graveyard where Maximillian's daughter Jeannie tells Jack that Max drunk too much and had excess drugs and tells Jack to stop the Bureau from killing Max. At Port Valenda, Jack confronts Leo and fight until Max appears out of nowhere and leaves. With Jack forcing himself to kill Max before Baron stops him, Leo protects Max from Nikolai who tries to kill him. At Bari-Shur, Leo refuses Nikolai to kill Max, damaging Nikolai's first form. Jack beats and knocks Max unconscious for shooting Max's wife and killing anyone at the ruined gladiator coliseum, where after reuniting with Sasha, Mathilda and Baron, Jack and Leo having confused for fighting each other confronts Nikolai in his final form who sends his wasted army of drones to kill them. Nikolai knocks all agents unconscous to his own victory, but Jack skewers him in half with his chainsaw and leaves Bari-Shur taking Nikolai's head with him while the recovered Leo and Sasha brings Max back home." - jjjusten

that synopsis is surprisingly similar to the experience of trying to play the game

this fyi is the one i flaked on voting for that i was trying to sub out for *REDACTED* which will i suppose show up later in the poll

in case you can't glean much from that summary, here's what i said about it recently on the unplayable thread:

so its a sequel (kind of?) to madworld, closed world beat-em-up that is also apparently a 20ish character fighting game as well - im hot garbage with regards to fighters, so i am not a good judge. dumb as a brick in many ways, weird "why is this here" vehicle timed lap racing sections, no attempt at even vague coherency, interspersed with completely out of character and hamfisted "touching" dead kid storyline. its a glorious god damn mess so far, not as broken as ride to hell (which well jesus i dont know if anything in recent memory is that broken) but so bafflingly out of step with videogames of the modern day that it is quite refreshing. its no bulletstorm, but its cheap as dirt and solidly in the spirit of this thread.

― Wendy Carlos Williams (jjjusten)

DJP making a very compelling case above for me to get rocksmith. do u still love it?

YES

it's crazy that Anarchy Reigns is as messy as it is, Platinum usually p consistent

#55: Deadly Premonition: Directors Cut - PS3/PC - 15 pts - 1 votes - 1 top game votes

http://i.imgur.com/7iR9u8P.jpg

Website | Metacritic | Digital Chumps | Destructoid | Trailer

DEADLY PREMONITION livebloggin and community support group thread. | The Fourth Annual Coint and Plick Video Games Poll - Part Three: #53 - 79

take one of the greatest games of this generation for all the wrong reasons, fix just enough of it to keep people from bailing in the initially horrendous first section, but keep every fucked up charming in your own head weirdness intact, and i cant avoid voting for you. felt a little strange about putting this on my ballot, but dont believe the hype, its a legitimate game fix that makes playing full frenzied enjoyment instead of a chore with tremendous rewards, and the added scenes make the whole thing even more incomprehensible, if thats even possible. dont worry, its still just as broken, but in all the right ways, and even in some astonishing new ways. - jjjusten

i think i actually own this game on the 360 and have never played it. i should really put it in the docket.

#50 (tie): Far Cry 3 - Blood Dragon - PS3/X360/PC - 15 pts - 2 votes

http://i.imgur.com/sUYj0xt.jpg

Website | Metacritic | Darkstation | PC World | Zero Punctuation | Trailer

Played the demo, hated it, but it stuck in my head. bought it when it was cheap, loved it. once you get that it isnt a 30 minute jokey diversion but a pretty fully realized game, it really comes into its own. easily the funniest game of the year, and if nothing else deserves points for the developer fully committing to something that no one believed was real, and was a fairly long shot for success as well. if nothing else, grab the demo and play it realizing that the cut scenes and the mood of the tutorial section are really actually going to be maintained through the entire campaign, and if that hooks you, buy that shit immediately. - jjjusten

Listening to the Blood Dragon soundtrack about as much as I play the game - kingfish

#50 (tie): Doctor Who: Legacy - iOS/Android - 15 pts - 2 votes

http://i.imgur.com/RQH1nuX.jpg

Website | Metacritic | Digital Spy | God is a Geek | Trailer

Not only is Doctor Who: Legacy very nicely presented, with plenty of episodes to work through and lots of famous characters to add to your fighting team, the actual matching mechanics feel refreshingly different. You can move gems freely around the board to complete your turn, which allows you to build more complex strategies with ease. You'll face off against a wide range of foes from the Doctor Who universe, and each team member comes with their own attack bonuses for tackling certain enemies. So as well as adding a fresh twist to the typical match-three gameplay, Legacy also offers up considerably more strategic depth via its team combat system. - John Bedford, Modojo

I only played this because of the license. It's almost wholly personality-free and I didn't even recognize some of the characters until I read the bios that went along with them, which is really bad when talking about, say, the Doctor's current companion. The gameplay is just good enough to keep this from being useless but it really has nothing to do with Doctor Who. - DJP

i tried the doc who game and found it wholly inferior to marvel puzzle quest

I chucked it five points, it's a reasonable diversion. Just a minor variation on any match-3 game. The characters aren't drawn that well but they're recognisable. Also one of the few games on my Pod that actually allows me to play offline, which is a major plus in my book.

yeah, as much time as i spend in subways i REALLY wish MPQ had that option

#50 (tie): No One Has to Die - Browser - 15 pts - 2 votes

http://i.imgur.com/xNJRftn.jpg

Game | Pop Matters | Rock Paper Shotgun | TV Tropes | Walkthrough

No One Has To Die, ironically, sees all of its characters dying at one point. They’re all trapped within a huge corporate building, and there’s a fire raging. You were delivering stationery to the building when you noticed that the two security guards in the lobby were dead. Seeing that a monitor was flashing with a warning of a fire, you logged in as a visitor, and that’s when you end up speaking to the other four characters in the building. From your monitor you’re able to tap into the security system, locking doors to protect certain characters from the fire and instructing others to flood other parts, but in doing that, you have to be careful not to drown them as well. - Chris Priestman, Gamejolt

There are puzzles in this but they're not really the point. An interesting bit of speculative fiction in game form. - reddening

Oh yeahhhh that came was really cool. Play it!

Really liked this one. Basically interactive fiction with some minimal graphics, but a good story.

side note for MTL ILXors: first 2 seconds of far cry 3 blood dragon shows nouveau palais. be prepared because i got really confused and wondered if i might be dreaming abt playing the game and not actually playing the game.

There's a bundle coming out in stores soon w/Far Cry 2, 3, and Blood Dragon on disc, will probably pick that up later this year

#50 (tie): Remember Me - PS3/X360/PC - 15 pts - 2 votes

http://i.imgur.com/VV3GGdZ.jpg

Website | Metacritic | Financial Post | EGM | Trailer

Rather than having the lasting impact of a distinct, vital recollection, Remember Me plays out like a stressful fever dream requiring the player to forget it. The game is an often muddled compilation of memory-centric sci-fi plots (shades of Kathryn Bigelow's Strange Days abound), borrowed futuristic visuals, and a creatively restrained battle/platforming system in need of considerable retooling. The myriad cerebral theories presented in the game aim to be bold and innovative, but because of the way players are unadvisedly limited in their traversal of a 2084-set Paris, the blossoming of its customarily interesting ideas is ultimately restricted to the bud phase. - Mike LeChevallier, Slant Magazine

Reminds me most of Enslaved - decently inventive mechanics and way of telling its future dystopia story, kind of easy and short but that works in its favour because it would get boring otherwise. The remix bits were a little bit of a wasted opportunity, but still cool. - if

Blood Dragon was fun! But I was hoping it would be a dumb shooter the whole way through and sort of lost interest at the first stealth mission. But for the glorious intro section it is basically Laser Tag: The Video Game, which I love!

Remember Me is free right now on PS+, FYI, so grab it fools

#50 (tie): Clockwork Cat - Browser - 15 pts - 2 votes

http://i.imgur.com/LRJHhcL.gif

Game | Gameological | Indie Game Mag | Speed Run

I gave Clockwork Cat a go - that is SUPER CUTE. Shame it's so short, but eh, Ludum Dare, what you gonna do... - emil.y

yeah, this was great.

So cute.

#47 (tie): Pocket Mine - iOS/Android - 20 pts - 1 votes

http://i.imgur.com/g4uqtxO.jpg

iOS | Android | 148 Apps | IGN Blogs | Trailer

This isn't a triumph of good game design, this is a triumph of modern free-to-play addiction oriented game design. Whatever, I still play. -s.clover

i'm embarrassed to admit i've been playing pocket mine recently - Mordy

but proud to admit i did not vote for it

But it's the 47th best game of 2013!!

if i had thrown it a vote (it happened there were probably 15-20 games above it jostling for a place) it would've only gotten 5 points. very disposable iOS type - easy to play a couple quick rounds (and tho it refills your 'runs' timer through paying, i never felt compelled to buy more runs than i could take at a given time).

#47 (tie): Ollie Ollie Oxen Free - Interactive Fiction - 20 pts - 1 votes

http://i.imgur.com/ngEMno1.jpg

Browser version | IFDB | Ecclesiastical Revue | Emily Short

Ollie Ollie Oxen Free begins with the protagonist, a teacher, coming to in the moments after his school has been bombed. He has to find six of his students and help them get out of the severely damaged, burning school building. Some students are frightened, some wounded, some have more frustrating or kid-like reasons not to want to leave where they are, so the puzzles chiefly revolve around helping the kids get out. To make things worse, the teacher has himself been gassed, and cannot manipulate things properly, so most steps require asking the kids to do the physical manipulation.

This is a premise I found compelling: the stakes are high, the protagonist is acting nobly, and the situation is about as bad as it can get. The kids and their space are sympathetically drawn, and although they have various quirks that are mildly frustrating (the better to provide puzzles), they come across as endearing and also as having distinct personalities from one another. The protagonist also gets a few touches of personality: he is gay, married to a husband who is currently likely to be in danger. These facts affect how he feels and even (in small ways) how he relates to the students. - Emily Short

Highly recommended game from me. Anyone who likes IF at all should give it a go. A lot of reviews I read found the limitations on the player character's abilities frustrating and annoying, but to me it added a layer of proper puzzling on to the game. Loved the characters, the writing is great, the premise dealt with well. There were a couple of minor bugs and one relatively large thing I wasn't convinced by, but the latter is spoilery, so I won't go into it here.

Excited about that one - will play it! Thanks.

Got through Ultra Business Tycoon III. (damn that readme biz) it's good work. I wish it was a LITTLE less random gameplay-wise, but I guess it works because I'm a softie (my emotions!).

I chucked it five points, it's a reasonable diversion. Just a minor variation on any match-3 game. The characters aren't drawn that well but they're recognisable. Also one of the few games on my Pod that actually allows me to play offline, which is a major plus in my book.

― emil.y, Wednesday, February 26, 2014 3:35 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

but the one thing the dr who game has going for it is puzzles and dragons style you can drag the thing as much as you want and not just swap gameplay, which is a nice dynamic, and it has that without lots of free to play nonsense thrown in.

i beat the first set of worlds (season whatever) but the second one had a huge difficulty spike and i gave up.

#47 (tie): Mario & Luigi: Dream Team - 3DS - 20 pts - 1 votes

http://i.imgur.com/TbWJUzh.jpg

Website | Metacritic | Lazy Gamer | Armchair Empire | Trailer

The core gameplay remains the same between these two modes — exploring, solving puzzles and getting into turn-based battles — but the context changes entirely. The regular game exists in a fully realized cartoon fantasy world, with different shops and towns, multiple regions to explore and tons of random characters to provide flavor text. The dream world is more incorporeal and more directed. Most dream world locations only have two or three rooms and very little in the way of side quests or NPCs to distract you. By hopping back and forth from the dream world regularly, Dream Team successfully provides both the eager exploration of an RPG and the focused get-to-the-end challenge of 2D platformers. But the gameplay variety doesn't stop there. - Philip Kollar, Polygon

#46: Papa Louie 2: When Burgers Attack! - Browser - 20 pts - 1 votes - 1 top game votes

http://i.imgur.com/CHXtZmH.jpg

Game | Unbelievably Annoying Let's Play Guy

Sarge and Radley Madish have kidnapped all of your customers in this long-awaited to sequel to Papa Louie: When Pizzas Attack! Marty and Rita will travel to the Land of Munchmore to rescue Papa Louie, and find other trapped customers along the way to help on your journey! Every customer you rescue becomes a new playable character, with unique weapons and a variety of special skills that can help you on your quest. Use your customers’ skills to complete challenges across multiple worlds, and unlock all 28 playable characters on your way to defeat the wild Radley Madish! - game copy

If you're a Kongregate badge junkie, the Papa's Pizzeria/Burgeria/Pancakeria franchise is an annoying glut of badges you get for playing basically the same game over and over again. So I was surprised when this game turned out to be a charming platformer with satisfying physics and a managable level of difficulty! 8 levels with 6 tasks to complete each, 28 unlockable characters with different abilities and weapons, and a bonus level that looks like the wallet section of a Hot Topic exploded. This was the game I came back to the most when I needed to chill out over the summer. - reddening

i found that one... very annoying

I enjoyed Bowser's Inside Story and I've had Dream Team on my eStore wishlist for ages, I don't know why I haven't bought it already. It's not like Mario games ever go down in price. And 20 points from one vote! Wow.

ugh, i started playing Fish Out of Water after it placed upthread and haven't been able to stop. level 22 fish thrower. i already threw a few perfect 10s. my life is...sad

Remember me, which I am now playing, is super on the rails but seriously awesome

I'm playing Dream Team now, because it came with the system and it's something to do while listening to music (I don't have any other game systems). Bowser's Inside Story was great but this game mostly recycles the same gameplay template, sometimes the exact same attacks, with a less interesting and less cute story. Lots of stupid little sequences that you have to waste time watching or clicking through too. But it's fine I guess.

#41 (tie): Paint it Back - iOS - 20 pts - 2 votes

http://i.imgur.com/yVdYL2t.jpg

Website | Metacritic | Touch Arcade | Modojo | Trailer

I love doing Nonograms, but as soon as the grid gets too big they're difficult to play on a smartphone. This is the first app I've used that makes the interface workable, and the surrounding conceit with the paintings and their clever titles is very cute. - reddening

Didn't know about Fish Out of Water - it's by the Jetpack Joyride/Fruit Ninja guys, I'll have to get it at some point (probably when it goes free)

Paint it Back looks good, but does it actually work on a phone (instead of iPad)?

The interface on PIB bugged me. Not sure why, but I'm just used to the way HD Color Cross does picross.

#41 (tie): Pikmin 3 - WiiU - 20 pts - 2 votes

http://i.imgur.com/XPGJ6vG.gif

Game | Metacritic | Nintendojo | ZTGD | Commercial

been playing Pikmin 3, sooo fuckin good. - Zappi

Cute game with beautiful graphics and a nice sense of humor. It's definitely a good fit for the Wii U. Marks off for lack of co-op in story-mode as the game seems made for it. And the timer part of the gameplay has been infuriating a few times. Interrupting a boss fight with "the sun's gone down so you have to stop fighting for your life and go home now" spiked my NERDRAGE. - bnw

I haven't played the Wii re-releases of either of the old two, so this was my first time playing Pikmin with controls that suited it, and it was a super charming breeze. - if

i've been playing Paint It Back on my ipod touch (4th gen). I do fat-finger the grid sometimes, but not enough to diminish my enjoyment of it. seriously i've played it so much over the last month that i've started dreaming in rows and columns.