Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?

did imago write that one

no, but they do Cardiacs covers

Get a load of this fucking shit.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BfuCViYCIAEgXOv.jpg

inexcusable

"what did you do in the teens, daddy?"

"well son, i wrote gobbledygook that went on the packaging of various consumer products"

"but why?"

"it's was cool at the time, you wouldn't understand"

http://f.cl.ly/items/01030C321k172X0a3h1G/Image%202014.02.06%2022%3A40%3A38.jpeg

If I was marooned on on island with a 40 ft container of cheap, processed food, I'd fucking wazz you into the ocean.

That makes me sad. Old Spice used to be for grown men.

Now it's just for groan men...

Netflix's new descriptions and automatically generated category blurbs have gone off on a weird kinda tangent with this lately

AUSCHWITZ: INSIDE THE NAZI STATE
The infamous World War II death factory comes to life. Step inside and experience the horror for yourself.

Looking for amotional stories? You've just found one. Lucky you.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Doojo-DOO-A-1008-Sleeve-Blanket-Ferrari/dp/B002BJ7XLC

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/91YXeBQqVZL._SL1500_.jpg

Product Description
Doojo about itself:
I am actually a normal blanket. However, my inventor always had cold arms and hands, when he fell asleep. This is how he had the idea of giving me hands and arms.
The sleeve blanket was born. My hands are detachable.
My hobbies are reading, sleeping, watching TV, cuddling, ... and keeping people warm.

Dimensions: 200x150 cm

I think it's not a bad thing to be cold sometimes

http://metro.co.uk/2014/03/11/argos-helpers-tweet-epic-reply-to-immy-badman-bugti-about-ps4-4525631/

Immy 'BADMAN' Bugti @BadManBugti
@Argos_Online YO wen u gettin da ps4 tings in moss side? Ain't waitin no more. Plus da asian guy whu works dere got bare attitude #wasteman
Argos Helpers @ArgosHelpers
Follow

@BadManBugti Safe badman, we gettin sum more PS4 tings in wivin da next week y'get me. Soz bout da attitude, probz avin a bad day yo.

LD

"epic"

twitter unsuited to epic form imo

infuriating

http://i.imgur.com/xYz7oA0.jpg

that picture kinda suggests their 'easter extravaganza deal' is a single shitty slice of pizza in a grease-covered box.

infuriating is the word.

Although I'm often surprised at how fast food companies go for this idea that you order takeaway because 'GODDAMN IT YOU NEED PIZZA RIGHT AWAY OR ELSE YOU'RE GOING TO FLIP THE FUCK OUT!' as opposed to 'Hey, it's Friday night, you've got people round, you can't be bothered to cook and clean-up and besides, eating pizza is fun and tasty' which is what goes through my mind on 90% of the rare occasions I order Papa Johns.

those scattering toppings seem to have come from a different pizza

"Huzzah", "tummy" and "noms" in one blurb? Hats off guys.

what my pizza partner and I think about daisy chains is not a matter for the record fyi

wait, are they saying that kittens are sometimes a taste-bud-tingling alternative to a domino's deal?

We actually had a discussion yesterday about using the "99 problems but a *blank* ain't one" in some marketing web thingy, and I'm now even more glad to say I managed to get the idea nixed. Also it generally just reminds me that they're not using the word "bitch".

i could see 99 problems working in like an RAC advert with a broken down ice cream van

http://www.digitalnewsroom.co.uk/brewdog/dead-pony-portman-group/

yes, this. especially as it's the equivalent of complaining about speed limits or smoking bans.

at BrewDog we will just get on with brewing awesome beer and treating our customers like adults.

uh.

there's nothing more punk than cirrhosis

difficult to get cirrhosis with that one cuz its about 3.7 abv, also not that good

pretty sure i'm never going to pay what they ask for one of those fuckers and find out

their punk ipa (ikr) is nice, four of those and a box of guylian chocolate seashells was a nice supper

dont mind their confrontational tone in that release but fuck off with 'awesome', although at least they didn't use 'awesomeness'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUusL43R_EE

BrewDog has never really appealed to me because I always thought it was some Australian thing and anyway most of their beers seem to range from 10% to 40%, which adds needless complication to drinking. This is the first I've heard that it's a Scottish thing, so I guess I should support local produce, though I still don't need complication. Their reply to whatever it is they're replying to doesn't bother me though. Well said, even.

Brewdog = somewhere in the middle of a triangle, where each point is a concept, drawn between 'the innocent smoothie aesthetic', 'hip young professionals' and the 'real ale fans' from Viz

http://www.clipartbest.com/cliparts/jRT/Gnk/jRTGnkEiL.png

two people just got on the tube and tried to convince everyone to do the conga because it meant they would win £200 in their office competition. everyone was just looking a bit mute and then they started going "come on guys, let's do the conga" and I snapped a bit and told them to fuck off. then inevitably got accused of having no sense of fun, which may well be true for all the fuck I car. piss off and leave everyone alone!

snapping "fuck off" at wankers on the Tube is my idea of fun tbh

Presumably anyone who's been to the Midlands lately has seen this:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BkSH7WsIIAAcMC3.jpg

I mean, sweet Jesus...

oh god yes i think Joel saw it when we went to mom and dad's over Easter then we had a discussion about the Innocent Smoothies aesthetic and he agreed it was deeply fucking irritating

On the virgin pendolinos there's a disembodied voice actually reads that out to you when you lock the toilet door

― you poll a lot, but you're not saying anything (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 1 May 2014 06:10 (16 hours ago) Permalink

two people just got on the tube and tried to convince everyone to do the conga because it meant they would win £200 in their office competition. everyone was just looking a bit mute and then they started going "come on guys, let's do the conga" and I snapped a bit and told them to fuck off. then inevitably got accused of having no sense of fun, which may well be true for all the fuck I car. piss off and leave everyone alone!

Marry me?

and if you like you can buy the ring...

It just doesn't work. Quirky notices on something as functional as a train toilet

Maybe not quite the IS aesthetic, but I'm upgrading a laptop to Windows 8.1 today and there's currently a message saying 'Setting up a few more things'. Really, Microsoft? Why not just be honest and say 'This is going to take a long arse time. Suck it.'

"Taking care of a few things" - yes I'm sure you are, Microsoft. Meanwhile, you've turned a £300 laptop into a colour changing mood light.

I love how you're just supposed to accept everything, based on their say-so. Most people do, especially the older or less experienced folks.

two people just got on the tube and tried to convince everyone to do the conga because it meant they would win £200 in their office competition. everyone was just looking a bit mute and then they started going "come on guys, let's do the conga" and I snapped a bit and told them to fuck off. then inevitably got accused of having no sense of fun, which may well be true for all the fuck I car. piss off and leave everyone alone!

― Fizzles, Thursday, May 1, 2014 12:49 PM

'what's my cut?'

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2014/5/28/1401284044412/Stephen-Collins-31-May-001.jpg

I'm alarmed by the way this aesthetic seems to be cross-pollinating with FASTER YOU FUCKERS style edicts to think positively and be active

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sZ9G1JHwyg

those awful B&Q adverts probably qualify as well