suicide

krulls, i do too, people always say that to me and i reply, "well so what? it's not even true. even if so, fat lot of good it's done me." I used to have everything negative cling to me, but (un)fortunately, that's been replaced with near psychotic obsession with my various health issues.

lol at imago.

clings like wet semen

This simile can't go uncommented on. And yet, I have nothing to say.

I am appalling at taking compliments. Thankfully, I rarely receive them.

alisa, you make good, very eloquent points. unfortunately, in me, you have come across someone whose sole catastrophe keeps happening to him, and there seems to be nothing anyone can do. as far as i know at least.

what catastrophe is that?

"the problem, and the big one aside from general chronic pain, is this weird psoriasis-like condition in my mouth, which spreads during stress, but then stays there regardless of subsequent relaxation, even for long periods of time. doctors haven't been able to place what it is, but it dries my mouth out and leaves it very sore. recently, it's been snaking its way down into my throat and that is seriously setting off my panic alarms, even as I need to rein it in to keep it from doing that. makes it hard to talk or eat without coughing, getting gummed up, the works."

if it was just a come-and-go-with-stress deal, then i'd be cool with it, but it sticks around, makes it hard to sleep, breathe, eat without coughing or getting gummed up with mucus. super weird and docs don't know what it is.

sounds wimpy, i know, but it hurts and bums me out and i whine about it a lot.

AM: I have a different but similar chronic affliction. My doctor told me this is directly linked to facial trauma, the nervous system is closely linked with the brain stem, and that it is not unusual for people going through face and head stuff-- cold sores, rosasia, even black eyes-- to experience The Worst Thoughts And Feelings on the road to their recovery

Also my therapist told me that when you're depressed, it's good to surprise your brain with unusual patterns of activity such as the creation of new and evocative similes

that's really kinda crazy/interesting -- the connection between face/head stuff & depression

Not so good for the rest of us, tbh :-(

AM, that must be so frustrating. I have no diagnosis for my leg issues, I've been xrayed and pulled and poked and prodded every which way until Christmas, and still no idea. I've decided it's fibromyalgia, but my doctor doesn't believe in its existence. He does prescribe me lots and lots of lovely drugs though, but it's super-frustrating to not be able to do stuff I used to be able to do like go dancing or stand up at a gig or swim or play badminton or sleep through the night without being woken up feeling like the circulation in your leg is made entire of a flow of lava and razorblades, all of which I did regularly and none of which i can do at all now.

The first bit was an xpost to flamboyant goon tie

hey Arctic I wanted to let you know that you have been in my thoughts and I really wanted to reply to your chronic pain thread but ended up not having much to add. my friend that I mentioned came over for dinner a week or so ago. she was in a car crash 15 years ago when she was 22 and has lived with constant undiagnosable pain ever since. like you, she pretty much seems to just tough it out. she has a medical weed card - don't know if that would help you. I thought she had a website but she was just selling t-shirts through a vendor to raise money.

I do have some possible ideas about the psoriasis - one thing that can really aggravate these things is mono and diglycerides, found in many dairy products. check out yr ingredient lists. this is how my brother-in-law finally got his eczema under control. another idea is oil supplements... hemp oil can be really good for these kinds of things and has helped me in the past. hope this helps.

Thanks sleeve. I don't think the MMJ card idea would work, as a) I don't live in the United States and b) that drug makes me extremely anxious, which would exacerbate my psoriatic condition (it seems to spread solely through bouts of panic/stress).

I'll look into that kind of thing, if I can motivate myself. I've been pretty down on the idea of treatments because I've been let down that many times; you just start to wonder what the point of it all is, because you're a bad, unlucky person. That's something I need to overcome somehow, but I'm deeply afraid.

best wishes Arctic, you're in my thoughts too - good vibes to you and I hope you can find a way past this pain, physical and mental

also I can't find the posts now but your GP does not sound super-helpful regarding your chronic pain, is there a way you can see another one? even just a different one at the same practice might have a different approach and then it doesn't have to be a big deal

thanks spacecadet, that's much appreciated. I'm off to see a different doctor in the same surgery on Friday, so hopefully that will yield answers. More than anything atm though, I want to resolve this mouth and throat problem which is causing me more misery (feels like the skin is peeling off at the bottom, makes it very hard to sleep).

Reading online stuff about people who have that same issue for years and nothing works is doing. my. head. in. I know it doesn't necessarily mean that I'll have it forever, but I'm not feeling v. positive about medicine or my luck thanks to the past couple of years.

thanks everyone for your best wishes, they mean a lot.

I have tried to start meditating again in a bid to reduce the overwhelming shit tearing through my mind, so we'll see where that takes me.

Hi there, AM. Although I have nothing to offer re: therapy advice, might I suggest taking zinc and magnesium supplements for your skin and mouth problems? Have found this to be very helpful for my own stress zits and mouth ulcers (as is any food with omega-3, so if you got your hands on some smoked mackerel or salmon, that could also help).

Thanks suzy, I'll try that, it can only help.

so fuckin annoying that it is impossible to get nembutal anywhere. why can people not be allowed to die in peace?

because one of the main drives of humanity is to keep everyone else suffering

some days my dog and my family are the only thing that keep me going

now that i've typed it out though i imagine a lot of people would say the same

NGGGGGGGG WHY AM I STILL FUCKING ALIVE?

hey, idk who you are but if you want to talk to someone and don't have anyone -- something that would happen to me when i was depressed -- feel free to PM me. i'm just chilling tonight.

lemme know if you do that on this thread though bc i usually don't check that email address. best of luck to you. if you think what you're dealing with is more serious than just needing to vent please contact a professional.

and if you hate me PM another friend or ilxor. one on one ilxors are a caring bunch.

life can be some bullshit sometimes, that's for sure

one on one ilxors are a caring bunch.

this is totally true ime

"User does not exist in the database" ?

: (

if any of you on here are close with and have a phone number or contact info about Emily please get in touch with her, her recent Facebook posts are very worrying and I am hoping that someone can reach out and shed light

Emily if you are reading this please stay with us and don't harm yourself further

she has contacted a friend

:(

thanks for that, I'm sorry if this was alarmist, but I was worried

friends get in touch with her tho and let her know you care and try help.

Im glad you did dr3w, I felt helpless and didnt know what to do as i dont know any of her irl friends. Thankfully she contacted one.
I'm still haunted by what happened to bimble.

yeah it's weird/sad/ironic to think about the overlay of all of these online forms of connection and conversation and intimacy and that really deep isolation and loneliness and alienation can still be a basic emotional reality for people despite that

what we can offer each other is the sheer raw fact of care and concern, which may not be enough to counter the reality of how it feels to deal with depression, but . . . it's not nothing, and when someone is posting and saying "no one cares about me and I mean nothing to other people" the very least we can do is to testify that that is not true

Emil.y if u are reading this I know the admiration of people on message boards is a paltry thing but I know I am far from alone in my admiration of u

bump similar to tune is space's post

yeah if you know emil.y irl please call her, this is scary

bumping this to keep it visible; emil.y, if you see this, please stay with us

bumping again just to keep it at the very top, anyone on here able to get in touch with people who know her irl?

her friend posted on fb that they are in an ambulance on their way to the hospital

Craigo says on fb that they're en route to the hospital.

sending good vibes

aw man, hope she she's OK

oh god I was so worried- I'm glad someone is with her and they're going to the hospital

she shared a photo of a lot of pills and said she was going to swallow them all

please know that there are people who don't want you to do this emily

Yes, all possible best wishes.

I hope she is all right!

i hope you find what you need emil.y

:((

i don't want to stigmatise suicide as it is a valid choice

but emil.y you're great and we all need you here