Craigslist hilarity

the picture is too good
http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/800x600q90/5/48v4.jpg

http://www.oceansbridge.co.uk/paintings/artists/special/big/goodfellas_painting.jpg

good callback

Hello, this nice private/spacious room has opened up for temporary, but long term renting. It is private because it has a private entrance; many love it because it's like walking into your own apartment, not like many other rooms that are up for rent where you have to pass by other rooms/ people to get to yours. The size space is nice; it's 17 ½ long and 13 inches wide.

http://images.craigslist.org/00b0b_bF3ZabwGwIR_600x450.jpg

Available for rent: one futon, left open on the street in the rain. Futon features water resistant "pleather" covering- dries easily with quick wipe of the hand (open to the sky though, so water may come back if it keeps raining). 360 degree views of neighborhood, open to sky (for stargazing!). Friendly neighbors who walk past on the way to work, the grocery store, and everywhere because futon is in the street. Futon itself is completely private, area around futon is the outdoors and so is not private at all. Great for kicking back with a cup of coffee in the morning when not raining, snowing, or cold. Terrible at all other times.

Large feral cat colony in neighborhood for new furry friends- MEOW!
cats are OK - purrr
dogs are OK - wooof
do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

Really good band seeks manager (midtown)

We don't sound like other bands!! Our rapper/keyboardist is a crazy genius and he can play Beethoven sonatas! He kinda sounds like Tupac when he raps though!! We also have a crazy punk rocker front man (very charismatic) who plays saxophone which is ME!!! Our drummer is crazy and he's in the vikings drum line!! he's so legit! all three of us went to music school and our jazz professor taught us right!!! we are NOT chumps!! and our bass player has never taken a lesson in his life but he's like Flea reincarnated!! he just feels it, i swear. I promise you, we don't suck!! do you think I'd waste your time if we sucked?? No!

We are literally crazy enough to be famous, I promise you!! why are we crazy??!! well, we're entertaining when we argue and we are all SOBER STRAIGHT EDGE!! what the fuck?? who does that!! and we don't swear in any of our songs!! what the hell? well, we don't want to be famous, that would suck. But so many festival hippies would groove to this! I swear!!! You gotta hear it!! it jams HARD.

the POINT is though, we are looking for a manager who is not some corporate chump!! we are fucking DIY as hell and have the work ethic of RHINOS! I am also a networking juggernaut (fo real) !!! we've all read a shit ton of books about branding making it as an indie band and stuff, so we're legit!! not that it matters but we're also really good looking! for real!!!!

the reason we need a manager is cause we need some HELP! we need someone with A LOT OF connections and is good at writing emails that look way better than this fucking piece of shit AD! we need someone who knows who the fuck black flag is! and who charlie parker is!! if this sounds like you, HIT ME UP! I'm fucking serious. come grind with us.

would see that band

so many festival hippies would groove to this!

Ha, at least they know their market.

i didn't know Flead died. RIP.

haha. Flea.

"i didn't know Flea died. RIP."

Black Flag, iirc.

I think the guy who wrote that band ad sounds great tbh

Seems 1000x more likeable than the dude with the 2000 sq foot house and the yarn

Agreed, still don't want to hear the band though. Interested in their DIY, expert indie branding technique, I guess.

http://madison.craigslist.org/msg/4300970511.html

Casio LK-73 Keyboard (bi-polar purchase) - $100 (windsor)

For sale is a Casio LK-73 (lighted keys) digital keyboard that was purchased by a bi-polar uncle (its OK-he's dead). It was NEVER played. I think he just plugged it in and stared at it.

more online sales sites should list details about the provenance of mental distress of the item's prior owner; it would probably help me make decisions more efficiently and wisely

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/spo/4291899345.html

hm?

This is actually from a Queens parent listserv, not craigslist, but:

[...]
To fo✧✧✧@yahoogro✧✧✧.c✧✧
Today at 9:07 AM

Hi All,

My husband is selling one of his guitars! A Rare opportunity! A Fenda Stratocasta American Edition, 50th Anniversary! Year 1996! mint condition with padded case! All for $750ONO Get it before he changes his mind !! Lol

return to senda

!! Lol, indeed

http://i390.photobucket.com/albums/oo346/HadrianVIII/yikes_zpsb5ec8911.jpg

lol, sinister

what could "cats" possibly be

FREE KITTYS BLACK WITH CUTE WHITE PAWS MOMMA HAD TO MANY KITTENS NEED THEM GONE BEFORE THEY REWIN THE HOUSE

this is all that survives of the cached preview

CL >minneapolis >hennepin co >all community >musicians

https://minneapolis.craigslist.org/hnp/muc/4484963804.html

kick all metal heads out of the punk scene (twin cities)

i'm tired of all these metal heads maskeraiding as punx. dont dress like a punk and then talk to me about how great type O negatave or some other bad metal band is like so awesome and so brutal and so rager. i puke in your face on that shit. its time to draw the line an make a divide - u r metal or u r punk. you cante b both. gitar solos and long hair suck an crusty punx is punx not metal so shove that up you anis. UP THE PUNX////!

do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

post id: 4484963804 posted: 10 days ago

kick all metalheads out of the punk scene POLL

Chaki found this:

CL >los angeles >central LA >all for sale / wanted >tickets - by owner

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/tix/4514264722.html

nick cave tickets at the ace - $1 (echo park)

my girlfriend is a huge nick cave fan which is a bummer because after i paid way too much money to take her to this god-damned clown show i snooped through her computer like a legend and found out she's been seeing some fuckin' guy named Gary who works in an electronics store in Van Nuys like it's 1986 so she won't actually get to go see this coffee shop goth poetry slam, at least not in the sweet ass seats i have, unless of course Gary contacts me through this ad and pays me 300 bucks for each one like a frothy mark buster- you can have that trick! warpaint is opening they are pretty cool i made out with the guitar player like ten years ago outside the tea garden she worked at i still think of you from time to time Theresa but it doesn't hurt that bad i just can't go to this show now that Gary has put things in perspective for me

do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

post id: 4514264722 posted: 23 hours ago

uh

http://sheboygan.craigslist.org/bar/4512884755.html

"I'm giving them away free of charge, hopefully to a young, fresh muscle boy. I'm not looking for anything in return. I'm 35, muscular, in shape and good looking, but like I said, not looking for anything in return."

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/zip/4562861288.html

This posting has been flagged for removal.

what was he giving away?

gay porn dvds iirc

Yep.

For sale: The greatest investment emotionally and financially I have ever made.

I'd always wanted one but hadn't the funds nor the drive to get it. Then I got a job. So did my two roommates. Convincing the first roommate was easy. For the second I had to make a Powerpoint. End Result? I'm pretty persuasi- just kidding it's a ballpit it sold itself.

It's probably worth it for the PVC rectangular enclosure alone. The crossbars are designed to be shoulder height when leaning against the sides. Plus, it comes apart easily, as it's held together with friction (no glue). But don't buy it for the enclosure. You should buy it because it's a ballpit. Soon to be your ballpit.

http://madison.craigslist.org/tag/4584445317.html

comes of reading xkcd too much

i admit, i chuckled

Our balls alone are worth $375.

truer words

Plus, nobody's ever said "I wish we didn't have this damn ball pit."

I'm buying one for the office as a time-out zone

Couldn't decide whether this belonged in Craigs-hil or quid-ag

Emotional Writer Needed For Support Community for Affluent Individuals (Boston)

compensation: $30 per post
contract job
telecommuting okay

Special community for people who have earned a lot of money or been born into a wealthy family needs a blog ghostwriter. The focus of the community is providing psychological support for the problems money brings -- family tensions, unfulfillable expectations, boredom, etc. To do this you must be intimately familiar with the problems faced by wealthy people. If you grew up wealthy or through some other means can write detailed blog posts on this topic, please get in touch.

The posts need to be highly personal, emotional and have a strong editorial voice. These are anything but generic lectures. We are looking for 3 posts per week and each post pays $30. If you're interested, please send a brief cover letter with some suggested topics so we can see that you really can come up with specific topics which touch the hearts of people from affluent families along with some writing samples of your personal, emotionally charged writing. It should all be pasted into the body of the email. We can't open attachments. Thanks!

http://boston.craigslist.org/gbs/wri/4588968385.html

"rich people only to do serious research and important writing, pay is under $100 a week, we do not know how to use computers"

how do you think the rich stay rich amirite

http://baltimore.craigslist.org/zip/4593335585.html

Free "Noise" Table (Tarantula Hill)

Giving away a very broken-in "Noise" table. Folds up nice, has that signature unstable feel to it. From laptops to synths crappy fx pedals, this table will definitely suit your needs and might break midway into your set transitioning your performance nicely into an "on-your-knees" tantrum style ending. This table has been used by GIANTS of the "Noise" tradition such as Narwhalz, Max Eilbacher, Reverse Baptism, Sister Midnight, Gene Pick, Nate Young, Rat Bastard and others. NO Trip Metal Spammmers!!!

haha damn i was hoping that was in the music gear category

hahah i just realized it is just a table

Any neophyte who quickly grabs up this bargain-priced $3850 Ferrari 360 Spider may be in for an unpleasant surprise.....

im a neophyte, what gives?

It's a Mitsubishi upon which the seller has affixed some Ferrari badges.

the floor mats are kinda a giveaway

I like that he calls it a replica.