Idk about this magic business, i just like to be festive.
― brimstead, Tuesday, 17 December 2013 04:45 (ten years ago) link
these elves are so shitty. they all need big velvet coats with gold trim or something.
― brimstead, Tuesday, 17 December 2013 04:47 (ten years ago) link
There are a lot people with posts today about Elf on a Shelf. First of all, I know not everyone likes it and that is okay with me. However, don't tell me that I'm not a Christian because I do Elf on a Shelf with my boys. That is not okay with me. I'm a Christian because I have asked Jesus into my heart and he is Lord of my life and I have a personal relationship with him. This is why I'm a Christian and it has nothing to do with Elf on a Shelf. That is my rant for today!
― joygoat, Thursday, 4 December 2014 03:37 (nine years ago) link
Unfortunately, the Elf knows what's in their heart - that they haven't really accepted Jesus into their life and are just pretending to be a true Christian.
― Hark! The Village People (fake penthouse letters mcgee), Thursday, 4 December 2014 03:47 (nine years ago) link
This elf makes me hate christmas.
― akm, Thursday, 4 December 2014 03:49 (nine years ago) link
The Elf is YOU.
― Hark! The Village People (fake penthouse letters mcgee), Thursday, 4 December 2014 03:52 (nine years ago) link
http://files.mom.me/photos/2013/10/29/135-54572-mensch-1383084459.jpg
― pplains, Thursday, 4 December 2014 05:24 (nine years ago) link
When our elf first showed up at our house I knew my kids didn’t know the rules of not touching him, so I covered our front room door with streamer to block them when they first woke up. It is also how our elf on the shelf got the name Streamer.
http://i.imgur.com/q7frDRJ.jpg
― pplains, Thursday, 4 December 2014 17:59 (nine years ago) link
what the fuck
which came first, manic passive agressive parents or elf on the shelf?
― difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 5 December 2014 02:21 (nine years ago) link
I'm thinking.......... manic passive aggressive parents.
― pplains, Friday, 5 December 2014 03:34 (nine years ago) link
“Elfing” Just Got Easy for Parents with an iOS Device. Elf Help is the Absolute Best Elf Planning and Organization Tool Available JACKSON, GA (December 11, 2014) – As it is for many parents, the Christmas season is one of the most hectic times of year for Georgia mother Jennifer Symmes. When she considered introducing the wildly popular Christmas elf tradition into her family of four, she was excited but overwhelmed at the idea of keeping up with the “magic” every night for an entire month. Between real-life responsibilities of being a wife, a mother to two toddler girls and full-time work as a professional communications specialist, the idea of “elfing” seemed more like an extra chore than actual fun.
“But then I thought, ‘Wait! I bet there’s an app for that,’ ” said Jennifer. “I searched and came up with nothing. I was looking specifically for an app that would help simplify the tradition of daily elf antics with a customizable daily planner. I couldn’t find one so I decided to create it myself.” Elf Help’s customizable daily planner is what makes the app truly unique and useful compared to any other elf-related tool in the mobile app market. Jennifer said “Elf Help is not a resource for finding ideas for elves. Elf antic inspiration is abundantly available through thousands of other online resources like Pinterest pages, blogs, Facebook, Instagram, and even other apps. Elf Help is different. It’s extremely handy because it allows parents to choose their favorite ideas from all that they see online. Then, they can easily organize those ideas into a daily planner with the option to enter simple descriptions, upload photos, and enter supplies that are automatically added to an easy check-off shopping list.”
Elf Help also features an important custom message reminder tool so parents don’t forget about the elf’s nightly return to and from the North Pole. To help protect the elf’s “magic,” ambiguous alert messages like “Teach the dog to roll over”, “Train for a triathlon”, or “You Know!” can be selected as reminders for parents to take care of “elfing” business before they go to bed. For those who like to share, a photo and camera tool is available through the Elf Help app so parents can take pictures of their elf each day to archive and share online via Facebook, Instagram and twitter. A secret parent pin code can also easily be set so the elf’s magic is always protected from young curious eyes. “Elf Help is a practical and modern day solution to accomplishing a simple but magically memorable holiday season with the Christmas elf,” said Jennifer. “Every ELFING family deserves that!”
― pplains, Friday, 12 December 2014 20:58 (nine years ago) link
Arrrggggghhhhhhhhh opt out! Opt out of the elf! Opt out of burdensome holiday traditions that mean more work and less sleep! Don't get an app! Just quit!
Death to the elf on the shelf!!!!
― carl agatha, Friday, 12 December 2014 21:33 (nine years ago) link
I spent my childhood watching my mother drive herself to exhaustion trying to make every Christmas perfect while my stepfather grumbled about his modest "honey do" lists and drank beer and it was sad and made me feel bad and annoyed and I'm not going to do it. You know what that elf can kiss my ass on the shelf is what.
― carl agatha, Friday, 12 December 2014 21:37 (nine years ago) link
The whole Elf on the Shelf phenomenon has a forced, Hubbard-esque "invent-a-religion" whiff to it.
― Mr. Bojangus (Old Lunch), Friday, 12 December 2014 21:39 (nine years ago) link
Judging by how many "hilarious" pictures I see of elves pooping out Hershey Kisses, even those who take part realize, on some level, that the whole enterprise is full of shit.
― ƋППṍӮɨ∏ğڵșěᶉᶇдM℮ (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Friday, 12 December 2014 22:02 (nine years ago) link
FUCK ELVES, #MontyThePenguin 4 LYFE. Santa's elves are obviously bullshit, as we know from Tolkein they are busy making treetop castles and taking down those giant elephant motherfuckers.
I think I need to start a poll.
― Frobisher, Friday, 12 December 2014 22:05 (nine years ago) link
I haven't posted as many pictures this year as I did when this thread first got started. With all the naked Barbies, weed and torture now depicted in a casual image search of "Elf on the Shelf", seems like the magic might have gone away on this one.
― pplains, Friday, 12 December 2014 22:09 (nine years ago) link
Elf on the Shelf is the new flag pin. "W-w-what do you mean you're not wearing a flag pin?!?"
― Mr. Bojangus (Old Lunch), Friday, 12 December 2014 23:40 (nine years ago) link
really into the mensch on a bench tbh
― call all destroyer, Friday, 12 December 2014 23:59 (nine years ago) link
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp/2014/12/16/the-elf-on-the-shelf-is-preparing-your-child-to-live-in-a-future-police-state-professor-says/
― emil.y, Friday, 19 December 2014 01:29 (nine years ago) link
Now I'm waiting for someone to create The Laddie With Zawadi
― the farakhan of gg (DJP), Friday, 19 December 2014 01:40 (nine years ago) link
Second, yeah I get that the whole narrative of judging children on whether they've been nice or not has always been part of the game, but having a physical representation of Santa's unblinking eye hiding in the corners and sending back reports to headquarters? Just another way that adults in 2040 will think nothing of having government cameras monitoring them in their own homes.
Vindicated!
Also, didn't realize until now that this picture wasn't photoshopped.
http://img.washingtonpost.com/rf/image_908w/2010-2019/Wires/Images/2014-11-27/Reuters/2014-11-27T180140Z_01_NYK009_RTRIDSP_3_USA-THANKSGIVING-PARADE.jpg&w=1484
― pplains, Friday, 19 December 2014 01:44 (nine years ago) link
guy who stands outside of cvs all the time asking for money was there today and he kept saying "he's watching! who's watching?" trying to provoke people into saying "santa claus."
― Spacemoth, Friday, 19 December 2014 01:46 (nine years ago) link
So there's 24 days of the advent calendar = 24 different wacky scenarios for EOTS. Multiply that by... we'll aim low and say eight years. That means 192 different wacky scenarios to be used.
So maybe you get to recycle one as "tradition" each year. Maybe you move to a new home in those eight years with a fresh game architecture. That's still 92 ways to fuck around with an elf doll you gotta come up with.
All that work and the kids will still hate you for this. Good job, elf people.
― pplains, Tuesday, 1 December 2015 05:15 (eight years ago) link
You could always just stage a wacky EOTS torture and dismemberment scenario over a number of days and then never have to worry about kowtowing to this scam ever again!
― The Featureless Mash That Was Once My Face (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 1 December 2015 05:22 (eight years ago) link
good luck, pp, I have a few magic-believing 12/13 yo students who are still freaked out they maybe killed elf on a shelf
― social justice warriors... come out to play (Abbott), Tuesday, 1 December 2015 05:26 (eight years ago) link
You're kidding me.
― pplains, Tuesday, 1 December 2015 05:37 (eight years ago) link
Afwiw, there is no elf in my house a surprisingly low number of shelves, all things considered.
― pplains, Tuesday, 1 December 2015 05:38 (eight years ago) link
http://i.imgur.com/dCLxKCv.jpg
― pplains, Sunday, 20 December 2015 20:23 (eight years ago) link
s/emptily/creepily
― January 1, be the same sh!t as December 31 (snoball), Sunday, 20 December 2015 20:29 (eight years ago) link
Also, why is he holding his hands in front of his crotch like that?
― January 1, be the same sh!t as December 31 (snoball), Sunday, 20 December 2015 20:30 (eight years ago) link
Probably freak out your guests if they can see his erection.
― pplains, Sunday, 20 December 2015 20:42 (eight years ago) link
There's a rule when it comes to Elf on the Shelf: No touching.
That's why a 7-year-old Old Bridge, New Jersey girl panicked recently when she accidentally threw a ball and knocked over her Elf on a Shelf. Fearing that the Christmas magic was gone (that's an Elf on the Shelf rule, too) Isabelle LaPeruta made a desperate call to 911, NBC New York reported.
A 911 operator patiently told the frightened young girl that she can just explain she made a mistake and that no harm was done.
Police are required to visit a house where a child places a 911 call, however, even if it is just about a toppled elf. Once at the house, they found the girl in tears but were able to comfort her, according to Old Bridge Police Lt. Joseph Mandola.
"To her, it was an emergency when she touched the elf, and she's going to ruin Christmas, so that was her emergency," said Old Bridge Police Lt. Joseph Mandola. "In her mind, she did right, and it was fine with us."
The police said they girl apologized and won't call 911 again – unless it really is an emergency.
http://www.al.com/news/index.ssf/2015/12/girl_calls_911_after_knocking.html#
― pplains, Wednesday, 23 December 2015 12:57 (eight years ago) link
"We're happy that children are becoming more comfortable with notifying the authorities at the slightest indication on an aberration inside their household. Parents keep an eye on their kids, sure, but who keeps an eye on the parents?"
― pplains, Wednesday, 23 December 2015 12:58 (eight years ago) link
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― home organ, Wednesday, 23 December 2015 14:05 (eight years ago) link
http://dangerousminds.net/comments/fck_the_elf_on_the_shelf_heres_krampus_in_the_corner
― nickn, Thursday, 15 September 2016 04:30 (seven years ago) link
I... I thought this was a joke at first. Like a Liartown gag, but no, you can really buy this.
https://i.imgur.com/7KzHxSQ.jpg
https://www.amazon.com/Elf-Surveillance-Santa-Camera-Dummy/dp/B0773S4KXM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1511967511&sr=8-1&keywords=Elf+Surveillance+Dummy+CCTV+Camera
― pplains, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 15:02 (six years ago) link
why is it called "dummy child surveillance camera"?
(also: "elves behaving badly" -- indeed they are, spying is not very elfin at all! but this too seems a strange up-front admission)
― mark s, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 15:16 (six years ago) link
Because it's not a real camera - just a shiny black dome with a blinking red light.
I mean, a real surveillance camera - a cheap one - wouldn't cost much more than this thing.
One day the kids will discover they hadn't been recorded the whole time, a fake eye watching over them. Then their belief in Santa will disappear. Then they'll stop believing in God. Then they'll get caught shoplifting at Target because, hey who says those cameras are real anyway?
― pplains, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 15:25 (six years ago) link
https://www.askideas.com/media/16/One-Ear-Funny-Scared-Cat-Face.jpg
― mark s, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 15:29 (six years ago) link
i have never heard of this but it reminds me why i moved out of the united states
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 29 November 2017 15:49 (six years ago) link
https://i.imgur.com/uLqBRDu.jpg
― pplains, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 15:52 (six years ago) link
If I've learned anything from the movies this year, kids love festive charlatans holding red balloons.
if i saw that i would run screaming out of the goddamn house
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 29 November 2017 15:57 (six years ago) link
https://i.imgur.com/8nOJ4eK.jpg
"Daddy, it's hugging me too tight!"
― pplains, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 15:57 (six years ago) link
https://i.imgur.com/98RZREq.png
Note to any social media marketers out there: When the comments on your post are nothing but people tagging other people, you have struck gold, my friends.
― pplains, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 15:59 (six years ago) link
Ok, Ronan Farrow. Good one.
https://i.imgur.com/EaZ02ci.jpg
Heroes.
https://i.imgur.com/6d2q87m.jpg
― pplains, Wednesday, 29 November 2017 16:00 (six years ago) link
That's all I've got... for now.
https://i.imgur.com/F0IXwoX.jpg
That dummy survelliance camera is just a ruse to get all the younguns USED to being MONITORED all the time so the MAN can get away with the ORWELLIAN STATE
― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Wednesday, 29 November 2017 22:43 (six years ago) link