Jake Gyllenhaal

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"Gun's going OFF!"

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:15 (twenty years ago)

He looks like Stallone or Travolta in that shirtless photo.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:18 (twenty years ago)

I bet he has a hairy asscrack.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:19 (twenty years ago)

Did anyone see him on Conan recently, talking about his lifeguard duty where he pissed on a jellyfish-bite victim's leg as therapy? He mimed it, firehose-style, and O'Brien nearly flew out of his chair. "There are old people watching!"

He'd still have to explain the "These characters are not, like, gay" interview, and I might hafta slap him. Repeatedly.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:21 (twenty years ago)

hahahahahahahahahahahaha Nicole.

where to start...we've already got this thread, and Heath Ledger (yuck btw...just...yuck), and I guess my Jimmy Fallon thread should count too. Maybe Adrian Brody?? James Spader?

xpost he pissed on someone's leg? What is that supposed to do?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:24 (twenty years ago)

AND HE MIGHT LIKE IT.

(xpost)

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:24 (twenty years ago)

I think it's the pH of the pee that counteracts the jelly's poison.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:32 (twenty years ago)

Pee supposedly takes the sting out of a jellyfish sting. I don't have first-hand experience of this. I bet you're just so stunned that someone is heroically peeing on you, you forget that you got stung.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:33 (twenty years ago)

That's just...freaky. I don't know how I'd react to being rescued from jellyfish attack only to be pissed on by Jake Gyllenhaal. I think I'd probably want an adult beverage, and I'd be highly confused.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:35 (twenty years ago)

it might make me into watersports.
i bet his pee tastes like candy

― anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:36 (twenty years ago)

lik'em aid

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:37 (twenty years ago)

ok now you won, jess.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:37 (twenty years ago)

that shirtless pic is actually from about 3 years ago.

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:38 (twenty years ago)

You lie.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:37 (twenty years ago)

ally quit reviving this thread.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:39 (twenty years ago)

why don't you go post on a Mandy Moore thread.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:42 (twenty years ago)

This thread needs more gyllenhaal beefcake, but I cannot search for it while at work. :(

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:44 (twenty years ago)

it's probably wrong i want to see american dreamz, isn't it?

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:46 (twenty years ago)

http://www.artistsnetwork.org/artists/maggiegyllenhaal/maggie.jpg http://www.schoolhousecenter.com/images/ware.gif

― Dan (You're Welcome) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:47 (twenty years ago)

http://www.stars2go.com/g/jake-gyllenhaal/jake_gyllenhaal.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:48 (twenty years ago)

I have no idea who this "Val" is

http://www.lipglaws.com/jakeG.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:49 (twenty years ago)

http://film.widarsson.se/images/jake_gyllenhaal.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:50 (twenty years ago)

I have no idea who this "Val" is

http://www.planetkilmer.com/pk_home_val.jpg

― Dan (Mystery Solved) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:50 (twenty years ago)

Dan, dude, that was totally uncalled for.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:02 (twenty years ago)

http://www.npr.org/programs/fa/features/2005/11/jar_200.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:04 (twenty years ago)

http://www.togawp.com/main/images/jake-gyllenhaal4.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:05 (twenty years ago)

I think I found the winner. NSFW & No fainting please.

http://socialitelife.com/images/santa.gif

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:16 (twenty years ago)

mpeg clip here:

http://www.socialitelife.com/video/Jarhead.mpg

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:17 (twenty years ago)

Girl, I posted that Jarhead pic weeks ago! (along with a clip of the Santa dance)

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:17 (twenty years ago)

I guess I'm not up to date on my nude celeb pixx.

My hairy asscrack theory is disproven!

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:23 (twenty years ago)

hahaha now, truly, best thread ever!

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:24 (twenty years ago)

He must wax. He looks vain enough.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:26 (twenty years ago)

He shaved for Jarhead. Apparently Sam Mendes never knew any hirsute 20-year-old guys (what're the odds)...

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:26 (twenty years ago)

Maybe Adrian Brody?? James Spader?

Ahh, James Spader, please. Except not from that detective movie w/ Keanu Reeves, which was...actually I can't remember anything about it, my grey cells have been wiped clean by the hands of time. Not so memorable, then.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:30 (twenty years ago)

There was a movie that starred Keanu Reeves and James Spader?????!! The battle of who can make less facial expressions actually occurred??? And I MISSED it??? Shit.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:32 (twenty years ago)

(don't take that the wrong way, I like both actors!)

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:32 (twenty years ago)

JAKE WHY U SHAEV ASS ALL TIME>??

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:32 (twenty years ago)

He doesn't look THAT hairy in the non-shaved pictures, what are you all on about?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:35 (twenty years ago)

Not Robin Williams Hairy, but moderately so. (and I think he has more at 25 than 22...)

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:44 (twenty years ago)

Ally - the thick pubic mane evidenced in the upthread shirtless photo suggests that he the lower half of his body is naturally covered in hair, like a satyr or something.

Anyone know what his ethnic heritage is? We could deduce from that.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:46 (twenty years ago)

But not so unusually so that I would think he has an incredibly hairy ass or something like that, I mean unless he waxes his back and upper arms or something but not his front he seems like one of those "front hairy" guys. I've known quite a few of them!!

Obviously though, yes, he removed all of it for Jarhead, which is just weak.

xpost hahaha satyr

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:46 (twenty years ago)

His mom is Naomi Foner, a screenwriter (Running on Empty) ... European Jewish b.g. I believe.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:50 (twenty years ago)

He does have those eyebrows.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:50 (twenty years ago)

Dad is the director Stephen Gyllenhaal (Waterland). Descendant of Swedish nobles, per Wikipedia.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:52 (twenty years ago)

You know who is mad-hairy -- Andy Garcia. I remember watching "Clinton and Nadine" and thinking his was the hairiest back I've ever seen. It was like a pelt.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:54 (twenty years ago)

Ugh Andy Garcia is so gross anyway, I mean what is the deal?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:55 (twenty years ago)

Ally - the thick pubic mane evidenced in the upthread shirtless photo suggests that he the lower half of his body is naturally covered in hair, like a satyr or something.

This is the sort of descriptive prose missing in Proulx's "Brokeback Mountain."

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:56 (twenty years ago)

by the way, I'm touched that you've all exceeded my Jake lust.

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:05 (twenty years ago)

you horny gaywads

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:06 (twenty years ago)

don't piss on our cornflakes just cos someone ruined ~~Malcolm in the Middle~~Lindsay Lohan for you.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:07 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 818 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I'm halfway through his Presumed Innocent remake from last year and it's...pretty good? The "limited series" format gives it space to be as much about the effect of the crime and the affair on the protagonist's family, whereas I remember the earlier film being more just Harrison Ford against the world (did he even have kids in the original?). Anyway, Jake's up for an Emmy.

― cryptosicko, Thursday, 17 July 2025 13:05 (eleven months ago)

Presumed Innocent is a classic Poppy Bush Interzone thriller imo

― hungover beet poo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 17 July 2025 13:29 (eleven months ago)

seven months pass...

I'd never seen or heard of 2018's "Wildlife," adapted from Richard Ford by Paul Dano and Zoe Kazan, and directed by Dano, but it was OK!

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 18 February 2026 03:17 (four months ago)

Still Mulligan's best work.

― The Luda of Suburbia (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 18 February 2026 10:16 (four months ago)

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Jake Gyllenhaal - C or D?