kind of love the dauntless stupidity of adding a progress meter for reading an article to make your eye dart away instinctively from the text every time you hit the down arrow key
― Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 20 November 2013 04:13 (twelve years ago)
more of that tablet/mobile-ready reactive design shit or whatever they call it that autosenses browser size and completely changes layout.
― lollercoaster of rove (s.clover), Wednesday, 20 November 2013 04:36 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/11-steps-for-cooking-a-perfect-thanksgiving-turkey,34625
― Ian from Etobicoke (Phil D.), Thursday, 21 November 2013 16:31 (twelve years ago)
hahaha
― veneer timber (imago), Thursday, 21 November 2013 16:40 (twelve years ago)
sometimes goofy simplicity is the way to go
dying
― i wish i had a skateboard i could skate away on (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 November 2013 16:56 (twelve years ago)
Reminds me of a line I like to quote from an Italian friend. "This is my Uncle Vinny's recipe for eggplant: 'Preheat your oven to 375. Halve the eggplant, rub it with olive oil, salt and pepper, wrap it in foil, and throw it in the fucking garbage.' My Uncle Vinny hates eggplant."
― i wish i had a skateboard i could skate away on (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 November 2013 16:58 (twelve years ago)
lol
― ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Thursday, 21 November 2013 17:17 (twelve years ago)
http://i.imgur.com/L1hVytM.jpg
― Number None, Thursday, 21 November 2013 19:13 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-employers-created-40000-new-jobs-for-existi,34622/
― Insane Prince of False Binaries (Gukbe), Thursday, 21 November 2013 19:14 (twelve years ago)
dying again at the gettysburg address feature
― i wish i had a skateboard i could skate away on (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 November 2013 19:19 (twelve years ago)
only thing missing is 'amirite?' after 'More like Jefferson Doofus'
― When you popped Apollonia, it kinda popped my brain. (weatheringdaleson), Friday, 22 November 2013 02:41 (twelve years ago)
http://25.media.tumblr.com/0d40d8336fd30bab7c6f86f685b0ae43/tumblr_mwsquzE5kM1qzb8z0o1_400.png
should i just make a "fuck the avclub" thread
― my whole family is catholic so look at the pickle i'm in (zachlyon), Monday, 25 November 2013 02:00 (twelve years ago)
wait that's not an onion article proper!?
― lollercoaster of rove (s.clover), Monday, 25 November 2013 03:13 (twelve years ago)
http://ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=77&threadid=98014#unread
― socki (s1ocki), Monday, 25 November 2013 15:38 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/professor-sees-parallels-between-things-other-thin,5692/
― lollercoaster of rove (s.clover), Monday, 25 November 2013 17:56 (twelve years ago)
ouch
― caek, Tuesday, 26 November 2013 01:19 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-has-to-sell-lake-house,34686/
― Tip from Tae Kwon Do: (crüt), Tuesday, 26 November 2013 17:08 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/bizarre-scifi-novel-posits-world-where-natives-inh,34720/
― 乒乓, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 02:49 (twelve years ago)
idgi
― Mordy , Wednesday, 4 December 2013 02:52 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/deformed-freak-born-without-penis,34732/
― lollercoaster of rove (s.clover), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 03:38 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/employee-slowly-realizes-boss-attempting-to-have-n,34739/
Could have just run this one with the headline only
― 乒乓, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 19:14 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/every-parents-worst-nightmare-is-losing-a-child-to,34762/
― Kim Wrong-un (Neil S), Friday, 13 December 2013 15:40 (twelve years ago)
The last print edition of the newspaper came out yesterday, btw. Lots of articles on the front page about print revenues going up and Onion reporters happy about not having to chase web traffic and the ascendency of digital media still being decades down the road, etc.
― Sandwich Slobber (Old Lunch), Friday, 13 December 2013 15:45 (twelve years ago)
love both of these
http://www.theonion.com/articles/worldwide-jewish-conspiracy-worried-it-came-down-t,34815/?ref=auto
http://www.theonion.com/articles/30yearold-has-earned-11-more-than-he-would-have-wi,34824/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:1:Default
All in all, the countless hours Patrick spent stressing about getting into school and then working hard to succeed in college have been more or less a financial wash.” The study noted, however, that one cannot ever truly put a price on the 12 Post-WWII European History lectures Moorhouse attended junior year.
― k3vin k., Friday, 13 December 2013 16:30 (twelve years ago)
uh, ha ha?
http://www.theonion.com/articles/thousands-of-americans-to-notice-first-signs-of-de,34828/
― cristalnacht (lukas), Monday, 16 December 2013 21:19 (twelve years ago)
sometimes the onion just wants to watch the world burn
― VENIET IMBER (imago), Monday, 16 December 2013 21:20 (twelve years ago)
It definitely has a powerful mean and misanthropic streak
― signed, J.P. Morgan CEO (Hurting 2), Monday, 16 December 2013 21:24 (twelve years ago)
yeah that's just a fail. it isn't doing anything.
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 16 December 2013 21:30 (twelve years ago)
thanks for making me worry about my mom tho
― Strangers look on with a discernible, barely contained ‘wow’. (forksclovetofu), Monday, 16 December 2013 21:39 (twelve years ago)
Take it from me, forks, your mom's doing great.
― pplains, Monday, 16 December 2013 22:43 (twelve years ago)
ricocheting from one horror to another here
― Strangers look on with a discernible, barely contained ‘wow’. (forksclovetofu), Monday, 16 December 2013 22:56 (twelve years ago)
oh, you can take it from me too.
― From the Album No Baby for You! (Matt P), Tuesday, 17 December 2013 00:26 (twelve years ago)
Its funny because youre a douchebag
― Strangers look on with a discernible, barely contained ‘wow’. (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 17 December 2013 05:33 (twelve years ago)
anyway
― signed, J.P. Morgan CEO (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 17 December 2013 15:13 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/pudgy-doughboy-with-rosy-red-cheeks-presses-nose-u,34792/
― signed, J.P. Morgan CEO (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 17 December 2013 15:14 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/obnoxious-friend-wont-stop-attaining-major-life-mi,31528/
― Mordy , Thursday, 19 December 2013 13:39 (twelve years ago)
christ that punchline
― VENIET IMBER (imago), Thursday, 19 December 2013 13:40 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/top-2-tsarnaevs-of-2013,34810/
― mitch hedberg and kevin hart (sleepingbag), Friday, 20 December 2013 08:45 (twelve years ago)
no.
― Porto for Pyros (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 20 December 2013 17:25 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/7-most-unbelievable-autocorrect-wins,32454/
― Strangers look on with a discernible, barely contained ‘wow’. (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 21 December 2013 07:03 (twelve years ago)
The Onion going "brutally dark" thing is getting tedious. It's just smug and hateful. Satire without humor, just bitter misanthropy.
That "noticing the first signs of dementia in your parents" article was kind of the last straw. Har har.
― circa1916, Saturday, 21 December 2013 09:24 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/modernday-caligula-orders-everything-bagel,34822
This one slays me.
― Lambo Sedan (Whitey on the Moon), Tuesday, 24 December 2013 23:39 (twelve years ago)
I couldn't disagree more. The darker they go, the funnier it gets.
― Humorist (horse) (誤訳侮辱), Wednesday, 25 December 2013 02:20 (twelve years ago)
the onion's been 'brutally dark' for a long time (this is from 97 - http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-educators-alarmed-by-poorly-written-teen-s,1007/ - and remains a fave)
― balls, Wednesday, 25 December 2013 02:33 (twelve years ago)
Wow:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/local-church-full-of-brainwashed-idiots-feeds-town,34860/
Local Church Full Of Brainwashed Idiots Feeds Town’s Poor Every Week
NEWS IN BRIEF • Local • Religion • Charity • ISSUE 50•01 • Jan 3, 2014
MACON, GA—Sources confirmed today that the brainwashed morons at First Baptist Assembly of Christ, all of whom blindly accept whatever simplistic fairy tales are fed to them, volunteer each Wednesday night to provide meals to impoverished members of the community. “Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in town who have fallen on hard times and are unable to afford to put food on the table, so we try to help out as best we can,” said 48-year-old Kerri Bellamy, one of the mindless sheep who adheres to a backward ideology and is incapable of thinking for herself, while spooning out homemade shepherd’s pie to a line of poor and homeless individuals. “It feels great to share our blessings with the less fortunate. Plus, it’s fun to work alongside all the members of our [corrupt institution of propaganda and lies] who come out each week.” As of press time, the brainless, unthinking lemmings had donated winter clothing they no longer wore to several needy families and still hadn’t opened their eyes to reality.
― An Android Pug of Some Kind? (kingfish), Saturday, 4 January 2014 00:17 (twelve years ago)
so good
― Mordy , Saturday, 4 January 2014 00:37 (twelve years ago)
Oooh, that one'd piss off a few atheist mates of mine.
― the Bronski Review (Trayce), Saturday, 4 January 2014 01:45 (twelve years ago)
The one rightwinger who reads my stuff posted part of the Sermon on the Mount as a response.
― An Android Pug of Some Kind? (kingfish), Saturday, 4 January 2014 02:28 (twelve years ago)
hahahahaha that's awesome
― VENIET IMBER (imago), Saturday, 4 January 2014 03:12 (twelve years ago)