Blue Saturday

^like

It really is a beautiful day innit? Emerged blinking from party at 7am and was kinda thrown by how sunny it was. Dolphy and mushrooms = good shout.

two hour game of five a side, scored a belter but why bother tbh, sorry to read of drama lj

Imago do you do jazz? Can't recall seeing you post about it but I imagine you being well into the more ecstatic, spiritual hat stuff.

the uplands of Uganda where the Lord's Resistance Army hangs out, the disputed Spratly Islands, Transnistria, the Triple Frontier region in South America

The social separation reflected in the spectacle is inseparable from the modern state — that product of the social division of labor that is both the chief instrument of class rule and the concentrated expression of all social divisions.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rnh_CAdL0n8/UAfcSEJ42qI/AAAAAAAAAnc/qIniWoi-IqE/s1600/Dao_Phu_Lam_Hoang_Sa.jpg

http://www.guiageo-parana.com/imagens/iguacu-falls.jpg

When the Indians saw us they clustered together, after having talked among themselves, and each one of them took the one of us whom he claimed by the hand and they led us to their homes. While with those we suffered more from hunger than among any of the others. In the course of a whole day we did not eat more than two handfuls of the fruit, which was green and contained so much milky juice that our mouths were burnt by it. As water was very scarce, whoever ate of them became very thirsty. And we finally grew so hungry that we purchased two dogs, in exchange for nets and other things, and a hide with which I used to cover myself. I have said already that through all that country we went naked, and not being accustomed to it, like snakes we shed our skin twice a year. Exposure to the sun and air covered our chests and backs with big sores that made it very painful to carry the big and heavy loads, the ropes of which cut into the flesh of our arms.

http://www.chiefacoins.com/Database/Countries/Transnistria-Flag.png

another amazing day, blazing copper light and vivid shadows in the low sun, the sky blue and cirrusy, everything worshiping ancient nature gods except the resolute institutional architecture that's built to keep us safe from superstition and love

me daydreaming about a million silent gentle bombs that wd rip the fabric of the state to pieces so we could build something less miserable out of the debris

and wondering whether all utopias are built out of misanthropy

standing on paddington platform, listening to an old garage mix, partly considering mainly with tired indifference my work goals which apparently I need to focus on, but mainly thinking about the strange consistencies of the world: last week been refreshed and very sober for near a week and every thing had perceptible presence and heft, like those models of gravitational pull, where planets create dimples in an elastic universe, representative of the effect of their mass. the strong effect was of a too-real too-vivid illusion, with no interstices or spaces for interpretation.

on hungover or sprightly days those interpretative variances will be alight, the interference of material meaning recedes strongly into the background allowing full solipsistic play of the imagination.

and then there's days like this. of insufficient interpretative resources and sensory stupidity like I'm standing in front of a piece of art with which I'm completely unable to make headway.

oh, an electrical circuit's gone just outside paddington. delays. should've stayed in bed tbf.

garage is great for these days tho - the fragmented syllables of female/male vox, disembodied tocking and clacks, deep bass ground, synths appearing and receding, emotions of alien elation and longing etc.

ok we're on the move. work sux!

just a statist drone staring at collapsing synthetic dreams - weather here is that permadamp you get after several days of persistent light rain, soft grey lucent skies.

gonna build the new Jerusalem out of William Morris and UKG

and if we have to live furtively in the gaps forever well, at least we'll live

sign me up. comparing start of 20th and 21st Cs - the net of radio waves -void and disembodied voices.

you have been rereading C right

that's what i thought about doing yesterday

seem to do as much guerilla reading at work as i do when i finally get to sit down with a book of an evening

I haven't - but C/Kipling's Wireless were what I was thinking of. I like opening section of C as much as I've liked anything I've read in recent years. might revisit as am feeling possibly I undervalued the latter parts (post dogfight sections).

you're all making me want to read C quite a lot. and fizzles you're making me sad you didn't submit anything to the writing submissions thread

i still kick myself for not picking up a 50p copy of C in one of those Book Cellar shops a few years back. so many books tho.

alongside Mason & Dixon it was the most surprising thing i'd ever seen in a clearance shop

raise you a stuffed otter playing a violin

dude i can't compete with Connacht

If I had not
a place of profit that forces me to go to church said Inflammable
Gass. Id see the parsons all hangd a parcel of lying __ O said
Mrs Sisgtagatist if it was not for churches & chapels I should not
have livd so long _ there was I up in a Morning at four
o clock when I was a Girl. I would run like the dickins till
I was all in a heat, I would stand till I was ready to sink
into the earth, ah Mr Huffcap would kick the bottom of
the Pulpit out. with Passion. would tear off the sleeve of
his Gown, & set his wig on fire & throw it at the people
hed cry & stamp & kick & sweat and all for the good of
their souls, __ I m sure he must be a wicked villain said
Mrs Nannicantipot a passionate wretch. If I was a man Id wait
at the bottom of the pulpit stairs & knock him down & run
away. __ You would You Ignorant jade I wish I could see
you hit any of the ministers, you deserve to have your ears
boxed you do.

on reflection, to submit yourself to feeling half the unhappiness i've felt these last two years, well, you must have been very unhappy before. i get it now.

i've cried so much today that my eyes are closing involuntarily from sheer exhaustion

<3

myrrha knows what's up

fuck, c i'm sorry

shit will work out in the end

today is not my best day but i did just see a dachshund with the largest lengh to leg size ratio i have ever seen running ever so slowly along, which improved things for a few seconds

oh it would

sending you kind thoughts clouds

thanks, i appreciate it.

my boyfriend and i have decided to break up. i'm going to stay until the end of the semester (mid-december) so he can find a second part-time job and a roommate to help with the rent. i'm probably going to give my cat away too.

i've basically failed in every way possible.

two years wasted from a wasted life.

it doesn't mean something was a waste simply because it didn't last forever

idk it's different to say things right now that don't sound like bromides but i'm fairly confident that is true

we should exchange some more weird techno tracks soon anyway

different/difficult

nakh otm

ending /= failing

so sorry to hear that though clouds :(

i know. i tell myself that after this is over, i'll at least be free to be myself again. i don't want to feel like a martyr.

today all the women i know seem to be implying that i'm a bit pathetic

i dunno what to do with this info. i'm just trying to be the best me i can be. can't even tell where thoughtfulness turns into feebleness tbh.

okay i may be reading stuff in there that isn't exactly there but i know a lot of people who see a lot in black and white and my greyness makes them dismissive. i'm okay with grey i guess. i just feel a bit like "can't cut it in the real world fuck you"

even when there's a bit of me that just wants to EFF YOU RIGHT BACK i feel a sense of uselessness about it and just swallow it up

what kinds of things are they saying?

fyi I will fight them if u want me to, as a favor for this upcoming season of giving

i shdn't've started moaning if i'm just gonna be elliptical so i dunno

i work with people who are very black and white when it comes to managing difficult staff, and today not for the first time i felt this vibe - probably just in my head - when i was arguing about the best way of dealing with people whose performance was less than ideal. there's a lot of "just bloody get on with it" in my office/department and i feel like that must echo back on me, like what were people saying/thinking for all those weeks when i cdn't get it together to leave the house?

then tonight i just had a phone call from the mrs to vent about our daughter's admittedly not great behaviour, but nothing i could offer to do and no support was any good, which, fair enough, you want to vent, i'll listen, but kind of getting at me because i didn't have a master plan that didn't involve patience and understanding and just keep trying, until i'm genuinely worried about what she's telling me but i'm not allowed to be worried or express worry, i'm just no use really

i mean fuck it some of this is probably perfectly true and i don't wanna be a delicate little snowflake but what a fucking week. i dunno if i can't concentrate cos i'm useless or cos shit keeps happening that wd throw anybody off their stride, apparently i'm all overdrawn at the feeling sorry for myself bank so

i just had to vent and this was really the only hole i had to shout down

what were people saying/thinking for all those weeks when i cdn't get it together to leave the house?

well at least it appears that they have moved on to other targets

anyway i just got the traditional semi-apology from nom so forget it, i'm all good, nothing to see

i really need to take a break

I wouldn't bother yourself with what the worst type of judgemental arseholes are going to think of you, it usually is as bad you think it is but fuck 'em fuck 'em fuck 'em.

right

All criticism is a valuable opportunity 4u to improve imo -_-