God bless the goddamn Onion

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xp to dayo -- another one where the perfect picture makes it work

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Friday, 25 October 2013 02:49 (twelve years ago)

Sources confirmed Clapton followed “Layla” up with a vigorous, electric double-time version of “Tears In Heaven.”

still lolling at this

bizarro gazzara, Friday, 25 October 2013 11:20 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nasa-we-will-have-a-mass-shooting-on-the-moon-by-2,34345/

Dave Froglets (Phil D.), Monday, 28 October 2013 18:14 (twelve years ago)

http://www.avclub.com/articles/kevin-devine-exorcises-his-hate-for-collective-sou,104838/

I don't know what it is, if it's this particular article or just the idea in general has grated on me, but the Hatesong feature is probably my least favorite music writing ever.

Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 29 October 2013 17:58 (twelve years ago)

No, they all suck. Cheap shots, lame generalizations, too damn long, broad appeals to assumed consensus and just generally a stupid premise. Why not try to get me to like something that I don't?

Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 29 October 2013 18:36 (twelve years ago)

Why not try to get me to like something that I don't?

this is essentially my experience with ILM

"Turkey In The Straw" coming from someplace in the clouds (Sparkle Motion), Tuesday, 29 October 2013 23:23 (twelve years ago)

I like this as a Lou Reed tribute http://www.theonion.com/articles/today-particularly-rough-day-for-east-village-junk,34367/

eris bueller (lukas), Wednesday, 30 October 2013 00:35 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/red-sox-fan-dedicates-garbage-can-hes-lighting-on,34399/

eclectic husbandry (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 31 October 2013 11:04 (twelve years ago)

Oh shiiii
http://www.theonion.com/articles/5yearold-reluctantly-lets-crying-mom-sleep-in-his,34315/

taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Thursday, 31 October 2013 11:19 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nbc-cancels-piven-after-5-seasons,34407/

there's no camera to capture that yelping moment! (forksclovetofu), Friday, 1 November 2013 17:47 (twelve years ago)

lol @ kumail nanjiani

ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Friday, 1 November 2013 17:58 (twelve years ago)

Family Braces As Autistic Son Discovers Amtrak’s ‘Track A Train’ Webpage

fit and working again, Friday, 1 November 2013 18:24 (twelve years ago)

"Piven" pretty brilliant IMO for approaching the pure, generic article. No gimmicks, no stunts, no wacky over-the-top jokes, just a pure dose of how pointless it is to read most sections of most newspapers.

Doctor Casino, Friday, 1 November 2013 22:35 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/im-kind-of-ocd-about-always-serving-white-customer,34383/

lollercoaster of rove (s.clover), Monday, 4 November 2013 20:26 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/advice-to-enjoy-being-young-came-out-way-sadder-th,34451/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:1:Default

NEW YORK—An attempt Monday to impart a piece of upbeat, life-affirming wisdom about enjoying one’s youth reportedly conveyed a desperate, melancholy tone that made the message feel considerably sadder than intended, sources confirmed. “Enjoy all the freedom and all the options you have now because you can never go back,” a well-meaning Jeff Gibbons, 48, told Eric Portman, 24, in what observers said sounded far less like a motivational appeal to seize the day, as he meant it to, and more like a naked cry for help. “Sooner than you think you’ll wake up and you won’t have your whole life ahead of you. And those carefree days when it seemed like anything was possible will be over. So enjoy it while it lasts.” At press time, instead of coming across as playful and lighthearted, Gibbons sounded like he would absolutely kill somebody if it meant he could be Portman’s age again.

twist boat veterans for stability (k3vin k.), Monday, 4 November 2013 21:01 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nabisco-snack-physicists-develop-highly-unstable-q,34421/

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Monday, 4 November 2013 21:04 (twelve years ago)

oh man

http://www.theonion.com/articles/financially-ruined-executive-still-piecing-life-ba,34452/

some dude, Monday, 4 November 2013 21:07 (twelve years ago)

lol at "fig-newtonian"

caek, Monday, 4 November 2013 22:38 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/kidnapped-teen-freed-though-freedom-is-its-own-kin,34454/

diamonddave85, Thursday, 7 November 2013 02:41 (twelve years ago)

feeling this

http://www.theonion.com/articles/giant-burrito-to-solve-all-of-area-mans-problems-f,34479/

sleepingbag, Thursday, 7 November 2013 17:11 (twelve years ago)

burrito one similar to the one about the man on the verge of him enjoying himself story that ran over the summer but still a solid 8/10

the Shearer of simulated snowsex etc. (Dwight Yorke), Thursday, 7 November 2013 17:12 (twelve years ago)

good stuff, reminiscent of my favorite onion article ever (which I've probably already posted to this thread):

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-crispy-snack-cracker-to-ease-crushing-pain-of,1021/

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Thursday, 7 November 2013 17:17 (twelve years ago)

LOL

http://www.theonion.com/articles/console-wars-heat-up-as-zenith-unveils-gamespace-p,34551/

Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 14 November 2013 20:11 (twelve years ago)

Going full dark once again: http://www.theonion.com/articles/cowardly-refugee-running-away-from-problems,34542/

Ian from Etobicoke (Phil D.), Thursday, 14 November 2013 20:20 (twelve years ago)

Report: 92% Of Divorced Parents Get Back Together If Children Ask Enough Times

Viceroy, Monday, 18 November 2013 23:01 (twelve years ago)

lol at this ad accompanying that piece
http://images.pinchme.com.au/7BB23A1912D5A6E114CB90E363E8C6A9.jpg

ill never click this homo erotic site again (forksclovetofu), Monday, 18 November 2013 23:25 (twelve years ago)

http://www.avclub.com/ the latest contestant in the who-can-redesign-their-already-incomprehensible-websites-into-humanity's-greatest-interpretation-of-hell competition

my whole family is catholic so look at the pickle i'm in (zachlyon), Wednesday, 20 November 2013 03:49 (twelve years ago)

aww, took that as a url, thought it was going to be a funny onion article

Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 20 November 2013 04:07 (twelve years ago)

kind of love the dauntless stupidity of adding a progress meter for reading an article to make your eye dart away instinctively from the text every time you hit the down arrow key

Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 20 November 2013 04:13 (twelve years ago)

more of that tablet/mobile-ready reactive design shit or whatever they call it that autosenses browser size and completely changes layout.

lollercoaster of rove (s.clover), Wednesday, 20 November 2013 04:36 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/11-steps-for-cooking-a-perfect-thanksgiving-turkey,34625

Ian from Etobicoke (Phil D.), Thursday, 21 November 2013 16:31 (twelve years ago)

hahaha

veneer timber (imago), Thursday, 21 November 2013 16:40 (twelve years ago)

sometimes goofy simplicity is the way to go

veneer timber (imago), Thursday, 21 November 2013 16:40 (twelve years ago)

dying

i wish i had a skateboard i could skate away on (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 November 2013 16:56 (twelve years ago)

Reminds me of a line I like to quote from an Italian friend. "This is my Uncle Vinny's recipe for eggplant: 'Preheat your oven to 375. Halve the eggplant, rub it with olive oil, salt and pepper, wrap it in foil, and throw it in the fucking garbage.' My Uncle Vinny hates eggplant."

i wish i had a skateboard i could skate away on (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 November 2013 16:58 (twelve years ago)

lol

ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Thursday, 21 November 2013 17:17 (twelve years ago)

http://i.imgur.com/L1hVytM.jpg

Number None, Thursday, 21 November 2013 19:13 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-employers-created-40000-new-jobs-for-existi,34622/

Insane Prince of False Binaries (Gukbe), Thursday, 21 November 2013 19:14 (twelve years ago)

dying again at the gettysburg address feature

i wish i had a skateboard i could skate away on (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 November 2013 19:19 (twelve years ago)

only thing missing is 'amirite?' after 'More like Jefferson Doofus'

When you popped Apollonia, it kinda popped my brain. (weatheringdaleson), Friday, 22 November 2013 02:41 (twelve years ago)

http://25.media.tumblr.com/0d40d8336fd30bab7c6f86f685b0ae43/tumblr_mwsquzE5kM1qzb8z0o1_400.png

should i just make a "fuck the avclub" thread

my whole family is catholic so look at the pickle i'm in (zachlyon), Monday, 25 November 2013 02:00 (twelve years ago)

wait that's not an onion article proper!?

lollercoaster of rove (s.clover), Monday, 25 November 2013 03:13 (twelve years ago)

http://ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=77&threadid=98014#unread

socki (s1ocki), Monday, 25 November 2013 15:38 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/professor-sees-parallels-between-things-other-thin,5692/

lollercoaster of rove (s.clover), Monday, 25 November 2013 17:56 (twelve years ago)

ouch

caek, Tuesday, 26 November 2013 01:19 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-has-to-sell-lake-house,34686/

Tip from Tae Kwon Do: (crüt), Tuesday, 26 November 2013 17:08 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/bizarre-scifi-novel-posits-world-where-natives-inh,34720/

乒乓, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 02:49 (twelve years ago)

idgi

Mordy , Wednesday, 4 December 2013 02:52 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/deformed-freak-born-without-penis,34732/

lollercoaster of rove (s.clover), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 03:38 (twelve years ago)


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