http://www.theonion.com/articles/tea-party-leaders-announce-support-for-deal-in-exc,34101/
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Sunday, 6 October 2013 19:33 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/highpowered-washington-fixer-tells-bloodsoaked-oba,34115/
― sktsh, Monday, 7 October 2013 22:39 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-pumpkin-spice-channel-to-offer-fallthemed-hard,34175/
― My question is primarily riparian (Phil D.), Friday, 11 October 2013 18:17 (twelve years ago)
honestly could not get through this one
http://www.theonion.com/articles/michelle-obama-opens-up-in-marie-claire-our-sex-li,34160/
― goole, Friday, 11 October 2013 19:04 (twelve years ago)
Kind of a re-tread of a previous one they did about a dad that always talked about how good he was in bed, much to his children's (and presumably, our) embarassment.
― everything, Friday, 11 October 2013 19:28 (twelve years ago)
naw
― schlump, Friday, 11 October 2013 19:41 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/internet-rocked-by-blogger-with-sarcastic-sensibil,34212/
― Saul Goodberg (by Musket and Pup Tent) (s.clover), Tuesday, 15 October 2013 06:02 (twelve years ago)
ah, the onion's eaten itself
― HAVE YOU SEEN ME? Please don't hesitate (imago), Tuesday, 15 October 2013 10:50 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/video/how-to-find-a-masculine-halloween-costume-for-your,14378/
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 16 October 2013 20:06 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/heroic-broken-sewage-pipe-floods-congress-with-hum,34237/
― ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Wednesday, 16 October 2013 21:22 (twelve years ago)
AV Club newswire can compete with the main site occasionally
http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-wire-star-idris-elba-hasnt-watched-the-wire-ye,104399/
― zanana rebozo (abanana), Saturday, 19 October 2013 01:12 (twelve years ago)
you can just say "sean o'neal", it's always weird reading another newswire writer not being funny or likable in any way and remembering he isn't the only one
― ^^ post obviously honoring and supporting Qualcomm (zachlyon), Saturday, 19 October 2013 02:48 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/http://images.chron.com/blogs/askacat/hatcat.JPG-kike-owner-refuses-to-change-teams-offens,34292
― mookieproof, Monday, 21 October 2013 20:37 (twelve years ago)
oh my god
― shiny trippy people holding bandz (m bison), Monday, 21 October 2013 23:24 (twelve years ago)
Why does 'http://images.chron.com/blogs/askacat/hatcat.JPG' get replaced with a cat?
― eats, roots, manuvas (S-), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 01:20 (twelve years ago)
http://images.chron.com/blogs/askacat/hatcat.JPG
because you keep typing it
― ^^ post obviously honoring and supporting Qualcomm (zachlyon), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 01:21 (twelve years ago)
http://www.mod16.org/imagemacros/emot-iiam.gif
― mookieproof, Tuesday, 22 October 2013 01:22 (twelve years ago)
http://images.chron.com/blogs/askacat/hatcat.JPG-kike
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 01:34 (twelve years ago)
best anti-semitic slur eva
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 01:35 (twelve years ago)
http://31.media.tumblr.com/17b78b2406d9ee2377e417b53b51dfa4/tumblr_mmup0sXTnd1qzw499o1_500.png
― 乒乓, Tuesday, 22 October 2013 23:31 (twelve years ago)
looooooooooool
― ^^ post obviously honoring and supporting Qualcomm (zachlyon), Wednesday, 23 October 2013 00:07 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/video/the-onion-reviews-12-years-a-slave,34261/
― Insane Prince of False Binaries (Gukbe), Wednesday, 23 October 2013 00:09 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/eric-clapton-wows-audience-with-even-slower-versio,34325
― Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, 24 October 2013 23:34 (twelve years ago)
One for the all-time book: http://www.theonion.com/articles/panicked-newborn-didnt-realize-breathing-would-be,34333/
― Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 24 October 2013 23:37 (twelve years ago)
xp to dayo -- another one where the perfect picture makes it work
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Friday, 25 October 2013 02:49 (twelve years ago)
Sources confirmed Clapton followed “Layla” up with a vigorous, electric double-time version of “Tears In Heaven.”
still lolling at this
― bizarro gazzara, Friday, 25 October 2013 11:20 (twelve years ago)
the sheer absurdity of this one kills me:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/who-said-it-kanye-west-or-an-instruction-manual-fo,34344/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Default
― Darin, Friday, 25 October 2013 20:29 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/nasa-we-will-have-a-mass-shooting-on-the-moon-by-2,34345/
― Dave Froglets (Phil D.), Monday, 28 October 2013 18:14 (twelve years ago)
http://www.avclub.com/articles/kevin-devine-exorcises-his-hate-for-collective-sou,104838/
I don't know what it is, if it's this particular article or just the idea in general has grated on me, but the Hatesong feature is probably my least favorite music writing ever.
― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 29 October 2013 17:58 (twelve years ago)
No, they all suck. Cheap shots, lame generalizations, too damn long, broad appeals to assumed consensus and just generally a stupid premise. Why not try to get me to like something that I don't?
― Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 29 October 2013 18:36 (twelve years ago)
Why not try to get me to like something that I don't?
― "Turkey In The Straw" coming from someplace in the clouds (Sparkle Motion), Tuesday, 29 October 2013 23:23 (twelve years ago)
I like this as a Lou Reed tribute http://www.theonion.com/articles/today-particularly-rough-day-for-east-village-junk,34367/
― eris bueller (lukas), Wednesday, 30 October 2013 00:35 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/red-sox-fan-dedicates-garbage-can-hes-lighting-on,34399/
― eclectic husbandry (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 31 October 2013 11:04 (twelve years ago)
Oh shiiiihttp://www.theonion.com/articles/5yearold-reluctantly-lets-crying-mom-sleep-in-his,34315/
― taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Thursday, 31 October 2013 11:19 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/nbc-cancels-piven-after-5-seasons,34407/
― there's no camera to capture that yelping moment! (forksclovetofu), Friday, 1 November 2013 17:47 (twelve years ago)
lol @ kumail nanjiani
― ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Friday, 1 November 2013 17:58 (twelve years ago)
Family Braces As Autistic Son Discovers Amtrak’s ‘Track A Train’ Webpage
― fit and working again, Friday, 1 November 2013 18:24 (twelve years ago)
"Piven" pretty brilliant IMO for approaching the pure, generic article. No gimmicks, no stunts, no wacky over-the-top jokes, just a pure dose of how pointless it is to read most sections of most newspapers.
― Doctor Casino, Friday, 1 November 2013 22:35 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/im-kind-of-ocd-about-always-serving-white-customer,34383/
― lollercoaster of rove (s.clover), Monday, 4 November 2013 20:26 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/advice-to-enjoy-being-young-came-out-way-sadder-th,34451/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:1:Default
NEW YORK—An attempt Monday to impart a piece of upbeat, life-affirming wisdom about enjoying one’s youth reportedly conveyed a desperate, melancholy tone that made the message feel considerably sadder than intended, sources confirmed. “Enjoy all the freedom and all the options you have now because you can never go back,” a well-meaning Jeff Gibbons, 48, told Eric Portman, 24, in what observers said sounded far less like a motivational appeal to seize the day, as he meant it to, and more like a naked cry for help. “Sooner than you think you’ll wake up and you won’t have your whole life ahead of you. And those carefree days when it seemed like anything was possible will be over. So enjoy it while it lasts.” At press time, instead of coming across as playful and lighthearted, Gibbons sounded like he would absolutely kill somebody if it meant he could be Portman’s age again.
― twist boat veterans for stability (k3vin k.), Monday, 4 November 2013 21:01 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/nabisco-snack-physicists-develop-highly-unstable-q,34421/
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Monday, 4 November 2013 21:04 (twelve years ago)
oh man
http://www.theonion.com/articles/financially-ruined-executive-still-piecing-life-ba,34452/
― some dude, Monday, 4 November 2013 21:07 (twelve years ago)
lol at "fig-newtonian"
― caek, Monday, 4 November 2013 22:38 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/kidnapped-teen-freed-though-freedom-is-its-own-kin,34454/
― diamonddave85, Thursday, 7 November 2013 02:41 (twelve years ago)
feeling this
http://www.theonion.com/articles/giant-burrito-to-solve-all-of-area-mans-problems-f,34479/
― sleepingbag, Thursday, 7 November 2013 17:11 (twelve years ago)
burrito one similar to the one about the man on the verge of him enjoying himself story that ran over the summer but still a solid 8/10
― the Shearer of simulated snowsex etc. (Dwight Yorke), Thursday, 7 November 2013 17:12 (twelve years ago)
good stuff, reminiscent of my favorite onion article ever (which I've probably already posted to this thread):
http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-crispy-snack-cracker-to-ease-crushing-pain-of,1021/
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Thursday, 7 November 2013 17:17 (twelve years ago)
LOL
http://www.theonion.com/articles/console-wars-heat-up-as-zenith-unveils-gamespace-p,34551/
― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 14 November 2013 20:11 (twelve years ago)
Going full dark once again: http://www.theonion.com/articles/cowardly-refugee-running-away-from-problems,34542/
― Ian from Etobicoke (Phil D.), Thursday, 14 November 2013 20:20 (twelve years ago)