Kind of old school:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/president-cruz-fondly-recalls-21hour-speech-that-s,34005/
― A Made Man In The Mellow Mafia (C. Grisso/McCain), Friday, 27 September 2013 19:01 (twelve years ago)
Another with a solid photo
http://www.theonion.com/articles/lack-of-sexual-tension-with-coworker-almost-unbear,34012/
― Saul Goodberg (by Musket and Pup Tent) (s.clover), Saturday, 28 September 2013 19:04 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/sponsored/advertiser-thought-this-sponsored-post-was-good-id,41/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:Week1:Default
also really liked the tweet that i got to it from:
@TheOnion 2mWhich deception is greater: This ad posing as regular content, or not yielding to corporate America? http://onion.com/160uLcr #SPONSORED
― Jean-Claude Brand Ambassador (some dude), Saturday, 28 September 2013 20:35 (twelve years ago)
Now that they're on clickbait attack, they keep dipping into the 9-11 well...
http://www.theonion.com/articles/bullied-eighthgrader-incorrectly-thought-classmate,34030/
Can someone read that entire thing and decode what the fuck the last graph is about?
― smangerz (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 1 October 2013 23:40 (twelve years ago)
i think 'the horrors of modern capitalist society are rooted in the primitive senseless cruelty of adolescence'
― Mordy , Tuesday, 1 October 2013 23:42 (twelve years ago)
HAHAHAHAHAHA
― smangerz (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 1 October 2013 23:48 (twelve years ago)
that doesn't really account for 'inoperable skin deformities' tho so maybe it's just 'children are horrible but karma'
― Mordy , Tuesday, 1 October 2013 23:53 (twelve years ago)
the idea is it's the bullied kid's fantasy of what's going to happen to his bullies someday.
― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Wednesday, 2 October 2013 00:05 (twelve years ago)
Yeah its his wishful thinking, seems pretty clear to me.
― taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Wednesday, 2 October 2013 00:38 (twelve years ago)
Not the Onion, but for an imitator, it's not bad:
http://www.duffelblog.com/2013/07/soldier-facebook-profile-picture/
― pplains, Friday, 4 October 2013 13:25 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/meat,34090/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Default
― Darin, Friday, 4 October 2013 16:14 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/david-bowie-asks-iman-if-they-should-just-do-lasag,34097/
― Fetchboy, Friday, 4 October 2013 18:47 (twelve years ago)
cute concept, but... "ethnic supermodel"?
also really needed the punchline to be "His new album is said to be a return to form."
― Doctor Casino, Friday, 4 October 2013 19:17 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/creepy-statistician-starts-softwetfootballfactscom,34096/?ref=auto
― ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Friday, 4 October 2013 19:46 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/nfl-switches-to-allpink-mri-machines-for-breast-ca,34108/
― Roberto Spiralli, Sunday, 6 October 2013 19:04 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/tea-party-leaders-announce-support-for-deal-in-exc,34101/
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Sunday, 6 October 2013 19:33 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/highpowered-washington-fixer-tells-bloodsoaked-oba,34115/
― sktsh, Monday, 7 October 2013 22:39 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-pumpkin-spice-channel-to-offer-fallthemed-hard,34175/
― My question is primarily riparian (Phil D.), Friday, 11 October 2013 18:17 (twelve years ago)
honestly could not get through this one
http://www.theonion.com/articles/michelle-obama-opens-up-in-marie-claire-our-sex-li,34160/
― goole, Friday, 11 October 2013 19:04 (twelve years ago)
Kind of a re-tread of a previous one they did about a dad that always talked about how good he was in bed, much to his children's (and presumably, our) embarassment.
― everything, Friday, 11 October 2013 19:28 (twelve years ago)
naw
― schlump, Friday, 11 October 2013 19:41 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/internet-rocked-by-blogger-with-sarcastic-sensibil,34212/
― Saul Goodberg (by Musket and Pup Tent) (s.clover), Tuesday, 15 October 2013 06:02 (twelve years ago)
ah, the onion's eaten itself
― HAVE YOU SEEN ME? Please don't hesitate (imago), Tuesday, 15 October 2013 10:50 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/video/how-to-find-a-masculine-halloween-costume-for-your,14378/
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 16 October 2013 20:06 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/heroic-broken-sewage-pipe-floods-congress-with-hum,34237/
― ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Wednesday, 16 October 2013 21:22 (twelve years ago)
AV Club newswire can compete with the main site occasionally
http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-wire-star-idris-elba-hasnt-watched-the-wire-ye,104399/
― zanana rebozo (abanana), Saturday, 19 October 2013 01:12 (twelve years ago)
you can just say "sean o'neal", it's always weird reading another newswire writer not being funny or likable in any way and remembering he isn't the only one
― ^^ post obviously honoring and supporting Qualcomm (zachlyon), Saturday, 19 October 2013 02:48 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/http://images.chron.com/blogs/askacat/hatcat.JPG-kike-owner-refuses-to-change-teams-offens,34292
― mookieproof, Monday, 21 October 2013 20:37 (twelve years ago)
oh my god
― shiny trippy people holding bandz (m bison), Monday, 21 October 2013 23:24 (twelve years ago)
Why does 'http://images.chron.com/blogs/askacat/hatcat.JPG' get replaced with a cat?
― eats, roots, manuvas (S-), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 01:20 (twelve years ago)
http://images.chron.com/blogs/askacat/hatcat.JPG
because you keep typing it
― ^^ post obviously honoring and supporting Qualcomm (zachlyon), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 01:21 (twelve years ago)
http://www.mod16.org/imagemacros/emot-iiam.gif
― mookieproof, Tuesday, 22 October 2013 01:22 (twelve years ago)
http://images.chron.com/blogs/askacat/hatcat.JPG-kike
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 01:34 (twelve years ago)
best anti-semitic slur eva
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 01:35 (twelve years ago)
http://31.media.tumblr.com/17b78b2406d9ee2377e417b53b51dfa4/tumblr_mmup0sXTnd1qzw499o1_500.png
― 乒乓, Tuesday, 22 October 2013 23:31 (twelve years ago)
looooooooooool
― ^^ post obviously honoring and supporting Qualcomm (zachlyon), Wednesday, 23 October 2013 00:07 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/video/the-onion-reviews-12-years-a-slave,34261/
― Insane Prince of False Binaries (Gukbe), Wednesday, 23 October 2013 00:09 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/eric-clapton-wows-audience-with-even-slower-versio,34325
― Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, 24 October 2013 23:34 (twelve years ago)
One for the all-time book: http://www.theonion.com/articles/panicked-newborn-didnt-realize-breathing-would-be,34333/
― Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 24 October 2013 23:37 (twelve years ago)
xp to dayo -- another one where the perfect picture makes it work
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Friday, 25 October 2013 02:49 (twelve years ago)
Sources confirmed Clapton followed “Layla” up with a vigorous, electric double-time version of “Tears In Heaven.”
still lolling at this
― bizarro gazzara, Friday, 25 October 2013 11:20 (twelve years ago)
the sheer absurdity of this one kills me:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/who-said-it-kanye-west-or-an-instruction-manual-fo,34344/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Default
― Darin, Friday, 25 October 2013 20:29 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/nasa-we-will-have-a-mass-shooting-on-the-moon-by-2,34345/
― Dave Froglets (Phil D.), Monday, 28 October 2013 18:14 (twelve years ago)
http://www.avclub.com/articles/kevin-devine-exorcises-his-hate-for-collective-sou,104838/
I don't know what it is, if it's this particular article or just the idea in general has grated on me, but the Hatesong feature is probably my least favorite music writing ever.
― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 29 October 2013 17:58 (twelve years ago)
No, they all suck. Cheap shots, lame generalizations, too damn long, broad appeals to assumed consensus and just generally a stupid premise. Why not try to get me to like something that I don't?
― Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 29 October 2013 18:36 (twelve years ago)
Why not try to get me to like something that I don't?
― "Turkey In The Straw" coming from someplace in the clouds (Sparkle Motion), Tuesday, 29 October 2013 23:23 (twelve years ago)
I like this as a Lou Reed tribute http://www.theonion.com/articles/today-particularly-rough-day-for-east-village-junk,34367/
― eris bueller (lukas), Wednesday, 30 October 2013 00:35 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/red-sox-fan-dedicates-garbage-can-hes-lighting-on,34399/
― eclectic husbandry (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 31 October 2013 11:04 (twelve years ago)
Oh shiiiihttp://www.theonion.com/articles/5yearold-reluctantly-lets-crying-mom-sleep-in-his,34315/
― taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Thursday, 31 October 2013 11:19 (twelve years ago)