why do i hate that artist thing that people keep posting on my facebook so much? why am i such a jerk?

https://www.facebook.com/DadsWhoDrinkAndStare

ugh, scrolling through that was like hanging out with my aunt's husband for too long

i want to do a slideshow of all the macros on that page set to fleetwod mac's "family man"

https://scontent-b-atl.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/1175037_472595659514310_392104908_n.jpg

I have this weird but salient memory of hanging out with him when I was like 11, and he insisted on playing me this Howard Stern video when my aunt went out, and it involved Howard Stern inviting women up on stage to have something called "Butt Bongo" played on them, and this one woman kept giggling and saying "But I'm a mother! I'm a mother!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qf81ZxINQkQ

That Howard Stern video was called "Butt Bongo Fiesta," FYI.

I hate that I know that but even more I hate the frequency with which my brain will hork up the phrase "Butt Bongo Fiesta" as I'm going about my daily business.

(but I'm a mother)

The new Bob Marley

"But I'm a mother."

- Bob Marley

"But I'm a mother-" "SHUT YO MOUTH!"

Smell my cheese you mother

Mother
Do you wanna bang butts with me

https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-OaoKnGvmU0U/Ujxs2d3xYhI/AAAAAAAAFTU/kLEC6rVYXn4/w426-h312/IMG_1004.JPG

Smell my cheese you mother

― Neil S, Saturday, 21 September 2013 03:06 (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

brilliant

damn!

http://thehairpin.com/2013/09/8-headlines-that-sound-like-upworthy-but-are-simply-attempts-to-express-my-withering-contempt-for-that-collective-of-neo-liberal-douchebags/

i used to think he said "knobber" xp

we've got our fingers on the zeitgeist over here. by like a day. is one of you sarah miller? there was a sarah miller writer i kinda knew in philly back in the day.

lol my friend who's into a lot of political and social activism is trying to defend upworthy. I don't care if they signed up a thousand people to Unicef's mailing list or whatever, those headlines are horrible

totally the same sarah miller. i looked her up. she knew my friend lance. she was nice. and funny. she knew other people i knew too. wrote for the philadelphia weekly.

I hate those variances of "Please share if you think cancer is horrible".

oh no sorry bro can't forward that, cancer is totally awesome bro

well, that's the thing with something like facebook. it forces you to rub up against normal people on occasion. it isn't pleasant. that's why i've been hiding out here for so long. i never did myspace or any of the other ones. and i like the majority of my facebook friends, but every once in a while you are gonna see a friend's friend's post or whatever and then its eerily like real life where real people are and nobody wants that.

I've faked my death a few times but always came out of retirement cuz people kept writing shit like "Glad you're dead" on my wall

lol

xp lol, otm

(xp scott)

http://i42.tinypic.com/22f3fk.jpg

you will enjoy this if you are using the right side of your brain

I LOST THE RIGHT SIDE OF MY BRAIN IN VIETNAM YOU DICK

does it mean I'm using the right side of my brain when I'm wondering what the fuck happened to the other half of his head

no thats the WRONG side of your brain right folks

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZPgbCIkfLlQ/Ujcdcek5fFI/AAAAAAAAZ20/XtDIi9U5qmg/s1600/lifehack.jpg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EL5jgVYW7aY

was gonna say, come outside with me for a sparkler and i will end you

just don't smoke and talk to them

or smoke marijuana instead

i think me and weed have regretfully parted company

http://31.media.tumblr.com/8edddacfea8418f3f2c5b04518d2e436/tumblr_msy466kMkv1sustufo1_r1_500.jpg

is lifehackable a 10 year old kid in an anonymous mask?

class punishments are the act of a dick tho tbf

teachers do it to get the main offenders beat up by their other classmates so they don't have to discipline them

did anybody else have fucking "silent lunch" in elementary school? where, when the teachers decided arbitrarily that the noise level in the cafeteria was too loud, so they turned the lights off and made you eat in silence?

Used to piss me off cuz I was a quiet kid but liked to talk to my friends and these loud mouthed assholes always got us silent lunch like every other day.

now i'm singing silent lunch to the tune of pavement's silence kit, it's catchy

i remember that. has anyone ever named their band that? they should.

I remember silent lunch.

I remember revolting one day and flinging applesauce at our PE coach but that didn't turn out so well for me in the end

Sounds like lunchroom monitor hangover days

https://scontent-a-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/q71/577310_514510388631788_1096981895_n.jpg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMHRq7yGdkA

our playground was kinda lame. the only fun was playing kickball or football. and the latter ended when someone broke his pinky on a football, so the teachers said we couldn't play anymore, except with an eraser (like one of those big tabby pink ones). then the teachers put an end to that, so one day I went outside and the kids were playing invisible football, where they were pretending to throw the ball, and people were saying whether they caught it or not.