"According to reports, Mr. Fall will then put on a down jacket with a fur-trimmed hood, buy a lift ticket at a local ski slope, and start getting short with people at work because the early sunset “affects his mood,” thus signaling the completion of his metamorphosis into Mr. Wintertime Asshole Man"
Hahahaha.
― taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Wednesday, 18 September 2013 06:02 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/desperate-nation-tries-getting-on-board-with-mass,33894/
onion at its most amazingly dark
― socki (s1ocki), Wednesday, 18 September 2013 18:18 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/grandmother-shown-around-retirement-home-where-she,33904/
also this one
― i too went to college (silby), Thursday, 19 September 2013 05:25 (twelve years ago)
oof that one hurt
― One burly voice screamed and that was one of many. (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 19 September 2013 08:31 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/im-just-a-free-spirit-who-is-entirely-financially,33905/
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Thursday, 19 September 2013 15:10 (twelve years ago)
good day to resurrect this gem:http://www.theonion.com/articles/mr-autumn-man-walking-down-street-with-cup-of-coff,29866/― global tetrahedron, Tuesday, September 17, 2013 4:03 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
http://www.theonion.com/articles/mr-autumn-man-walking-down-street-with-cup-of-coff,29866/
― global tetrahedron, Tuesday, September 17, 2013 4:03 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
that article is kind of aspirational for me
― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Thursday, 19 September 2013 15:16 (twelve years ago)
According to sources, Tellinder showed an interest in the various watercolor paintings posted on the facility’s Community Art Wall, surveying the spot where her charcoal drawings of the Brooklyn Bridge will appear briefly before being taken down, recycled, and replaced by another resident’s art following her death.
― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Thursday, 19 September 2013 15:21 (twelve years ago)
Jesus, that one is DARK.
― Marlo Poco (Phil D.), Thursday, 19 September 2013 15:27 (twelve years ago)
yeah, I had a brief existential moment reading that one
― Spectrum, Thursday, 19 September 2013 15:29 (twelve years ago)
it's DARK but it's kind of pedestrian compared to some of their other dark shit
http://www.theonion.com/articles/adolescent-girl-reaching-age-where-she-starts-expl,33551/?ref=auto
― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Thursday, 19 September 2013 15:31 (twelve years ago)
i can't even handle that one
― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Thursday, 19 September 2013 15:32 (twelve years ago)
bwahahaha http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-mans-intelligence-probably-just-too-intimidat,33916/?ref=auto
― The Reverend, Thursday, 19 September 2013 20:16 (twelve years ago)
the picture really makes it
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Thursday, 19 September 2013 20:17 (twelve years ago)
yes
― The Reverend, Thursday, 19 September 2013 20:22 (twelve years ago)
I’m a sophisticated guy, I like sophisticated music
― I’m a sophisticated guy, I like sophisticated music (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 19 September 2013 20:50 (twelve years ago)
Egads, I know a woman who's a dead ringer for the one in that photo!
― A Made Man In The Mellow Mafia (C. Grisso/McCain), Thursday, 19 September 2013 20:54 (twelve years ago)
What's her face look like when you say things like "egads" in front of her.
― pplains, Thursday, 19 September 2013 20:56 (twelve years ago)
Exactly like in the photo:
http://o.onionstatic.com/images/23/23515/original/700.jpg?8930
― A Made Man In The Mellow Mafia (C. Grisso/McCain), Thursday, 19 September 2013 21:01 (twelve years ago)
i wonder if they had the picture first and the headline later. its so good.
― Saul Goodberg (by Musket and Pup Tent) (s.clover), Thursday, 19 September 2013 21:19 (twelve years ago)
That one could almost just be picture-plus-headline, it doesn't really develop any further. But brilliant.
― Doctor Casino, Friday, 20 September 2013 00:14 (twelve years ago)
Ugh, I thought the nursing home one was bad (biiiiit too close to home for me tbh, sorry Nan). But that teen girl one made me feel strongly put off and gross, the Onion's never done that to me before.
― taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Friday, 20 September 2013 02:13 (twelve years ago)
oh man i thought that area man intelligence article was classic onion, didn't realize it was released today
― 乒乓, Friday, 20 September 2013 02:43 (twelve years ago)
so perfect - the hair, the craft beer glass
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Friday, 20 September 2013 03:03 (twelve years ago)
is it mark kozelek?
― caek, Friday, 20 September 2013 03:04 (twelve years ago)
wrapped cutlery casually brushed off to the side since they're eating bruschetta (which i'm sure he has educated her on the proper pronunciation of)
― 乒乓, Friday, 20 September 2013 03:06 (twelve years ago)
I always wonder if they shoot photos like that for the story or just put the story to the photo
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Friday, 20 September 2013 03:08 (twelve years ago)
i imagine the former, i dont think the onion just stages pictures at random and then later decides to figure out stories to go with them??
― socki (s1ocki), Friday, 20 September 2013 03:37 (twelve years ago)
other way is kinda oblique strategy brainstorming
― @twitizensforlemonlipbalm (schlump), Friday, 20 September 2013 03:43 (twelve years ago)
― 乒乓, Thursday, September 19, 2013 11:06 PM (48 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
onion fanfic
― Whiney G. Weingarten, Friday, 20 September 2013 03:55 (twelve years ago)
otp! <3
― ^^ post obviously honoring and supporting Qualcomm (zachlyon), Friday, 20 September 2013 04:02 (twelve years ago)
I posted that story to my lookalike friend's fb and she replied a couple minutes later with "Close! But the nose is off!" (my friend does have a bump in her nose, but not as prominent as the model's). Other than that, it's uncanny, down to the fashion sense.
― A Made Man In The Mellow Mafia (C. Grisso/McCain), Friday, 20 September 2013 04:35 (twelve years ago)
Oh man
http://www.theonion.com/articles/hell-now-a-thriving-epicenter-of-gay-culture,33928/
― The Reverend, Friday, 20 September 2013 06:20 (twelve years ago)
relatedhttp://www.theonion.com/video/the-onion-looks-back-at-jaws,33937/
― I’m a sophisticated guy, I like sophisticated music (forksclovetofu), Friday, 20 September 2013 18:00 (twelve years ago)
Film critic looks oddly like Rod McKuen.
― les nessmonster (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Wednesday, 25 September 2013 06:43 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/11-amazing-photos-of-doug-bramowski-as-he-slowly-r,33917/
― Saul Goodberg (by Musket and Pup Tent) (s.clover), Thursday, 26 September 2013 04:54 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/articles/dude-with-knit-hat-at-party-calls-beer-libations,32433/
― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 26 September 2013 21:22 (twelve years ago)
i love how on the Doug Bramowski set none of his co-workers so much as flicks an eye in his direction throughout
― Tyskie in the giro (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 26 September 2013 21:30 (twelve years ago)
it's not the first doug bramowski article!
http://www.theonion.com/articles/meteorologists-report-sky-just-a-little-bluer-toda,33247/
(h/t, a friend of mine)
(would it be too aspie to nitpick the narrative inconsistencies here)
― goole, Friday, 27 September 2013 17:42 (twelve years ago)
funny, sad, truehttp://www.theonion.com/articles/bullied-eighthgrader-incorrectly-thought-classmate,34030/
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Friday, 27 September 2013 18:35 (twelve years ago)
that 'adolescent girl' one is seriously fucked up.
― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Friday, 27 September 2013 18:38 (twelve years ago)
Kind of old school:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/president-cruz-fondly-recalls-21hour-speech-that-s,34005/
― A Made Man In The Mellow Mafia (C. Grisso/McCain), Friday, 27 September 2013 19:01 (twelve years ago)
Another with a solid photo
http://www.theonion.com/articles/lack-of-sexual-tension-with-coworker-almost-unbear,34012/
― Saul Goodberg (by Musket and Pup Tent) (s.clover), Saturday, 28 September 2013 19:04 (twelve years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/sponsored/advertiser-thought-this-sponsored-post-was-good-id,41/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:Week1:Default
also really liked the tweet that i got to it from:
@TheOnion 2mWhich deception is greater: This ad posing as regular content, or not yielding to corporate America? http://onion.com/160uLcr #SPONSORED
― Jean-Claude Brand Ambassador (some dude), Saturday, 28 September 2013 20:35 (twelve years ago)
Now that they're on clickbait attack, they keep dipping into the 9-11 well...
http://www.theonion.com/articles/bullied-eighthgrader-incorrectly-thought-classmate,34030/
Can someone read that entire thing and decode what the fuck the last graph is about?
― smangerz (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 1 October 2013 23:40 (twelve years ago)
i think 'the horrors of modern capitalist society are rooted in the primitive senseless cruelty of adolescence'
― Mordy , Tuesday, 1 October 2013 23:42 (twelve years ago)
HAHAHAHAHAHA
― smangerz (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 1 October 2013 23:48 (twelve years ago)
that doesn't really account for 'inoperable skin deformities' tho so maybe it's just 'children are horrible but karma'
― Mordy , Tuesday, 1 October 2013 23:53 (twelve years ago)
the idea is it's the bullied kid's fantasy of what's going to happen to his bullies someday.
― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Wednesday, 2 October 2013 00:05 (twelve years ago)
Yeah its his wishful thinking, seems pretty clear to me.
― taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Wednesday, 2 October 2013 00:38 (twelve years ago)
Not the Onion, but for an imitator, it's not bad:
http://www.duffelblog.com/2013/07/soldier-facebook-profile-picture/
― pplains, Friday, 4 October 2013 13:25 (twelve years ago)