Why I love the Daily Mail, as distilled into one story.

http://i.imgur.com/i7qDmSK.pnghttp://i.imgur.com/i7qDmSK.pnghttp://i.imgur.com/i7qDmSK.pnghttp://i.imgur.com/i7qDmSK.png

That's alright, I'm sure the rational and fair voice of the UK public in the comments section will set the Mail straight on this kind of 'Jack-Journalism' (my coinage for patriotic white-washing of news in our favourite fash-friendly non-tabloid. Pretty clever wordsmithery by my, eh?)

That Manchester United are ready to offer Adnan Januzaj a pay rise which would amount to 290 per cent, on the back of one Premier League match, may seem crazy.

It may also explain one reason why many young players in the modern game who hit the heights early don’t fulfil their potential because they have achieved financial security by the age of 20.

But even within the mad finances of football, there is economic logic to United being prepared to raise the 18-year-old’s pay from its current trainee £1,000-a-week level to around £30,000 a week.

England is the only developed country producing school leavers who are worse at maths and reading than their grandparents, according to a damning report.

The study found 16 to 24-year-olds are among the least literate and numerate in the world, lagging behind those in countries including Estonia, Poland and the Slovak Republic.

England came 22nd out of 24 countries for the reading skills of its young people and 21st for maths, according to the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development.

lmao

haaaa

even those fucken polak savages

(xps) Now that's what I call mental arithmetic...

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England is the only developed country producing school leavers who are worse at maths and reading than their grandparents, according to a damning report.

The study found 16 to 24-year-olds are among the least literate and numerate in the world, lagging behind those in countries including Estonia, Poland and the Slovak Republic.

England came 22nd out of 24 countries for the reading skills of its young people and 21st for maths, according to the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development.

Generally speaking, that's pretty poor English.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BYZbMRzCMAAEQm5.jpg

poll

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a9/Network12.jpg

I'm sick of it all! The "Everything that's wrong with Britain" Poll

Poll!

The Daily Mail, however, was not a fan of the desk [on the new ITV breakfast show "Good Morning Britain"], complaining it hid Reid's legs from view.

"Later on the show, however, Susanna moved from behind the desk, giving viewers the chance to catch a glimpse of her enviable pins," it reported.

looking forward to the Mail's "Upskirt Corner" page

Getta loada them gams!

Pupil Jacob Hill, 16, from Leeds, said: 'He had gone through stages of depression and used to be on anti-depressants.'

16-year-old Matthew Calvert, also of Leeds, was in many of the same lessons as the alleged attacker and described him as 'strange'.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/04/28/article-2614929-1D6C83B400000578-607_634x634.jpg

Aerial view: A 15-year-old male pupil has been arrested after a female teacher was stabbed to death this morning at Corpus Christi Catholic College (pictured) in Leeds

Rewitten version for 'clarity', apparently it's not them it's ...

Regarding the launch day, complaints from viewers on Monday focused on the fact that Susanna's now famous legs - whose pay for the role is £400,000 a year - double that of her former BBC salary - were hidden from view.

One viewer commented: 'Why has ITV paid so much for @susannareid100 only to put her behind a desk? Its like buying a Ferrari and keeping it in the garage #gmb.'

Another wrote: 'You don't hire Susanna Reid and then stick her behind a desk #getyourpinsout #GoodMorningBritain.'

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/04/29/article-2615742-1D715B8400000578-826_636x382.jpg

a great night in

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/06/26/article-2670757-1F25E4B900000578-797_634x378.jpg

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2745218/Amputee-Gipsy-busker-no-legs-bragged-Channel-5-TV-programme-milking-Britain-s-benefits-attacked-street-ex-soldier.html

An ex-soldier has been handed a suspended sentence for racially aggravated threatening behaviour towards an amputee gipsy busker who bragged on national TV about 'milking the benefits system'.
Viorel Dinu, 25, told Channel 5's Gypsies on Benefits and Proud he and other Romanians had come to the UK because it was a 'soft touch' for scroungers, a court heard.
But his boasts caught up with him when former soldier Mark Hawksby, 34, recognised him from the programme after tripping over the busker's money-filled coat on a street in York.

http://i.imgur.com/j5kWvhd.jpg

'That's beyonce? oh wow': @Smooth-Orator reacted with shock after seeing the photos

Unretouched-photos-Beyonce-s-L-Oreal-advert-leak-online-fans-mixed-reactions-Twitter.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3162404/Angry-residents-quiet-English-village-battle-new-music-festival-banned-gangster-rapper-Snoop-Dogg-performing.html

i hope you're not mocking those victims of very real parking and 'expletives' into the early hours concerns

this kind moral panic article about a rapper performing seems like something of a blast from the past, especially someone who has appeared in tv ads for MoneySupermarket.com

My step-dad shared that legendary "Kick This Evil Bastard Out" Daily Star front page with Snoop Dog in the early 90's. The sub-headline about him was "Sicko Bookie". He worked at an independent bookie chain and compiled odds for them, in this case he had sent out some margin-betting to twenty odd shops on how many bodies they were going to excavate from Cromwell St and the shit hit the fan.

he had sent out some margin-betting to twenty odd shops on how many bodies they were going to excavate from Cromwell St

ai yi yiii

Tell me he didn't work for betfred

...and that was the last the betting industry ever heard of Patrick Power

No it was Jack Pearson Licensed Turf accts, shitty little Huddersfield firm. A disgruntled customer in the Waterloo branch called The Star newsdesk about it.

lol xelab/nick

SHOCKED

The campaign for Britain to leave the EU has been infiltrated by dozens of far-Right extremists with racist views, The Mail on Sunday can reveal.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3625503/The-neo-Nazi-swastika-breast-Vote-Leave-badge-vest-Holocaust-deniers-EDL-fascists-posing-Kray-twins-grave-violent-thugs-racists-hijacking-Brexit-campaign.html

The Mail on Sunday really hates The Daily Mail.

In the same way as Liam and Noel.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2016/06/06/23/article-3628068-34FCE54300000578-673_311x571.jpg

https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13466421_1201237359921265_7740805882770463582_n.jpg?oh=2d4b9a1ca2c3cae63ae3f11365eb77a3&oe=57C7870B

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dS12p0Zqlt0

Unless you’re gay, black, transgender, foreign, voted Remain, unemployed, work for the BBC, a single parent, feminist, an NHS worker, Northern, vote Labour, Muslim, overweight, an educator, working class, sexually liberated, vegetarian or believe climate change exists. pic.twitter.com/XmWWSN9HBo

— Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) October 27, 2017

NATURE: Daily Mail readers have just found out about sequential hermaphroditism in fish and now think it’s part of the BBC political agenda. pic.twitter.com/9PtOhnMTRv

— The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) October 26, 2017

A fish called pravda

The Mail somehow managing to sound sarcastic even while bigging itself up on its own front page

Thread by @_MarwanMuhammad: "Hello @MailOnline. I've read your "devastating" article on "illegal migrants in Saint Denis". We too in France have tabloïds who couldn't ca […]" #HardcoreInventedHardlinerVoiceModeActivated

https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1025786653040889856.html

This is what you call a headline.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FHKeyKcX0AAJb3e?format=jpg