why do i hate that artist thing that people keep posting on my facebook so much? why am i such a jerk?

let's make Great Britain on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football team

This my favourite bit:

When this temporarily single mum was done explaining her situation, all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief second.

Then one of the other servicemen pulled out a military looking walkie-talkie.

They started playing with the device and talking back and forth on it.

I was standing no more than 6 feet away as this entire event unfolded.

Never underestimate the power of these kinds of apocryphal stories. They powered the Reader's Digest juggernaut for decades. Hell, they were the vast bulk of premodern literature.

Society is in the airport, no more than 6 feet away

As I stood there applauding and looked around, there were very few dry eyes, including my own.

Now I may not be no fancy native English speakin' sorta feller, but goddamn, that's some shit

"temporarily single"

Why were they at the airport if the husband wasn't due to return from his tour of duty that day?

They were there to get his coffin, I guess. Wife was crying because she was angry as hell at those assholes who made her daughter think her dad was alive after all. (Hah, I think this might be an even more sentimental story than the original. Goodie)

just put on a red t-shirt, to be on the safe side

"We get no liberal media coverage on TV"

Wonder if they're using this to mean 'there are no liberal doses of coverage' or if it's being deployed in the rush limbovian sense

"am i limbovvered?"

^ hahahah

the original story clearly started off in US English as per so i won't hold my breath for this becoming a thing

enjoy our home without fear of reprisal

Reprisal is an interesting word choice there. There can be no reprisal against you without your having earlier done someone a harm without redress or reparation.

Never underestimate the power of these kinds of apocryphal stories. They powered the Reader's Digest juggernaut for decades. Hell, they were the vast bulk of premodern literature.

― Aimless, Saturday, September 7, 2013 2:11 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

haha i read that as 'postmodern literature' and thought "wow that's a pretty rough slam, but i'm not so sure it applies to the _bulk_ of Barthelme's work..."

oh weird i read the same thing and thought "i don't care enough about postmodern lit to try to figure out what that means"

found some serious game-changing lifehacks

http://25.media.tumblr.com/2c34edb96158153a5b0778d19e8be800/tumblr_mranb7sjAR1sustufo5_500.jpg
http://25.media.tumblr.com/66a6e0f920736ea412e202928dfbfee2/tumblr_mranb7sjAR1sustufo4_500.jpg
http://24.media.tumblr.com/71ba42fcf0807bc11808944c38636fdd/tumblr_msqd1xgofc1sustufo3_500.png
http://25.media.tumblr.com/69e1ed109a2623770b3dc1f3c8f93347/tumblr_mru3c9qsLN1sustufo1_500.jpg

second to last is not a horrible idea tbf

finally, a lifehack for when i'm being buried alive

stick your head in the toilet bowl and flush it.
this will have the effect of drowning you and making me very happy.

bake some damn cinnamon rolls
your house will smell like a bakery

"if you'r ever being buried alive" is a death-hack, surely?

I guess it was only a matter of time before the damn "worst case scenario survival guide" material started showing up in these.

how the fuck are you even gonna be in a situation where someone's burying you alive and you're in any way capable of doing any of that

if you're ever being buried alive, you should have thought of that before you pissed off bill

if you're ever being buried alive, fuck i shoulda checked the pulse before i panicked i guess

guys can we not talk about this sort of morbid stuff? i am in a bit of trouble right now with some really powerful people and would rather not contemplate being buried alive.

thank u

sorry jho

The span of time between getting that signal that I'm about to vomit and actually vomiting is only slightly longer than knowing I'm about to sneeze. How I'm supposed to eat ice cream during that moment is beyond me.

Unless I'm trying to induce the vomiting. Butterscotch praline coconut, here I come!

and remember, whey you're getting buried alive, try not to get buried alive

remember to tie the shirt around both your face and mouth, not just your face.

If you're ever being buried alive, throw yourself into your panic with full gusto (you probably won't get much choice in this, but it's actually best not to keep a clear head). There are few moments in life when one gets to really unleash an all-consuming, sanity-rending panic. Such a level of primal terror is probably so overwhelming what it's debatable to what extent it can even be called a 'conscious' event. You're unlikely to experience thoughts anywhere near as lucid as 'Oh God, I'm being buried alive'. In the face of such an unpleasant end, panic induced insanity may shield from the full consciousness of your death.
You probably shouldn't take off your shirt and try to tie it around your face and mouth, that's kind of ridiculous.

Oh God, can't believe I just wrote that - just a brief thought on what possible advice you could give someone who's being buried alive and now I'm not gonna sleep for days. Sorry. :(

Also, panic might use up oxygen faster (I'm not gonna stop thinking about this now. Thanks a lot, macro makers/sharers)

sorry jho

― mookieproof, Saturday, September 7, 2013 11:38 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

what no

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/1175233_172712899582980_176542683_n.jpg

otm, trees should invest more in brand recognition

lol wtf

http://image.blingee.com/images19/content/output/000/000/000/7f2/832964351_1698553.gif

ahahahahaha

A+

cannabis showing the plant world how you do that shit

lmao

http://i459.photobucket.com/albums/qq313/doctorcasino/namethesebrands-dangerousplant_zpse6d8c231.jpg

https://sphotos-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/1235932_10151850891619643_807952485_n.jpg

until they die...

https://sphotos-a-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/1239377_10151848500064643_1449511141_n.png

xpost apparently you also found time to re-save a someecards jpeg a few dozen times - Go You!

https://sphotos-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/996594_10151819618464643_1381130755_n.jpg