what to do when your roommate doesn't realize you're home and thusly is having loud sex in the living room

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― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 04:17 (twenty-two years ago)

She came back briefly early this evening and then slipped out quietly again.

I am reminded of a poem by an unknown author:

your beautiful face
your luscious arse
I'll do them both

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 05:19 (twenty-two years ago)

guffaw

i'm looking forward to the stories of strongo and his parents' couch

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 05:21 (twenty-two years ago)

ew.

― Orbit (Orbit), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 05:26 (twenty-two years ago)

We spoke earlier and I agreed not to speak of the incident to anyone, whoops.

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 05:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Too late!

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 05:50 (twenty-two years ago)

The names have been changed to protect the inner sins.

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 05:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Gear!'s house FAP anyone?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 07:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Fancy A Posterior?

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:00 (twenty-two years ago)

haha this is total bullshit! What kind of person wouldn't have just, like, banged something around or turned on the stereo or - I dunno, coughed loudly maybe? If Gear actually did this, it's because he totally wanted to.

― Kim (Kim), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:32 (twenty-two years ago)

you were the kid who went around telling everyone else that Santa wasn't real, weren't you?

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:33 (twenty-two years ago)

He is too real! One Christmas morning when I was five years old, I saw him ass-fucking Mrs Claus on my couch.

― Kim (Kim), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Please tell me he wasn't wearing a foam mesh John Deere hat

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:43 (twenty-two years ago)

No. She was.

― Kim (Kim), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:44 (twenty-two years ago)

did she scream "take me to the North Pole, big daddy!!"

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually it was more along the lines of him repeatedly calling her a "HO!"

― Kim (Kim), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:49 (twenty-two years ago)

well she is

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Anyway, shouldn't Mrs Claus be asking to be taken to the South Pole rather than the North Pole?

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:53 (twenty-two years ago)

the south polling comes later

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 08:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Poleaxing!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 09:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Remind me I won't tell you the story about the party where I was so drunk I began to have sex in my room with a goth girl, even though my roommates and other friends were still there.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 09:17 (twenty-two years ago)

(Oops.)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 09:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Ewww.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 09:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Goth girl.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 09:18 (twenty-two years ago)

That was my first taste of pierced nipples. Literally.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 09:19 (twenty-two years ago)

next up, blumpkins on the couch.

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I didn't know what a "blumpkin" is, so I checked www.urbandictionary.com. You crazy Anglos have a word for that??!!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:15 (twenty-two years ago)

we get it so often that's why

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I once saw two couples fucking about 3 feet beside each other, standing up, outside the local train station.

I'd say they were about 16, THEY ARE SURELY GOING TO BURN IN HELL.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:22 (twenty-two years ago)

i've never seen anyone have sex in real life. i reckon it is all a myth.

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Come on stevem, surely you have looked in the mirror whilst getting down!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:35 (twenty-two years ago)

He has a gigantic mirrored ceiling in his bedroom. All the better to view the tigerskin lovesheets with.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:46 (twenty-two years ago)

nope, just pictures of me everywhere

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Last year I saw a couple having sex on Blackheath on a summer's evening. They knew people were watching as well, I'm sure of it.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Not moving pics stevem? ;-)

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:52 (twenty-two years ago)

I once accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with his girlfriend. He thought I had been spying on him and almost beat the shit out of me until I explained thatI had no idea his girlfriend was with him in the house.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:53 (twenty-two years ago)

It was scary too, he's a pretty muscular guy and could easily woop my flabby (but not fat mind you!) ass. And he's my younger brother!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:55 (twenty-two years ago)

So if Gear's roommate can't live with the embarrassment and decides to move out, ILX must help word the advertisement to find him a new roomie.

I'm guessing that 'no assfucking on my couch' would be one of the stipulations (though I may be wrong)

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 10:55 (twenty-two years ago)

any ilxor is welcome to assfuck whoever they like on my couch

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:23 (twenty-two years ago)

so did Jess hook up last night then?

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:27 (twenty-two years ago)

You sure you mean that James? :P

xpost

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:31 (twenty-two years ago)

somehow i don't see trayce or andrew taking me up on the offer :)

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:32 (twenty-two years ago)

that wasn't at all what i had in mind.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:33 (twenty-two years ago)

it's a different matter altogether if i'm involved :P

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I didn't say that either :P

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:35 (twenty-two years ago)

*gets out the scotchguard*

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:37 (twenty-two years ago)

you better believe it.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Um, scotchguard makes poor lube.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:53 (twenty-two years ago)

you know this how?

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 11:53 (twenty-two years ago)

he subscribes to What Lube

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 12:11 (twenty-two years ago)

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