Best snippet of overheard conversation

"Yeah so i got the money, got all me mates round to celebrate... Fish and chips all round, strawberries and champagne, you know, the works!"

He's my favourite person of the day.

Mother: "If we wanted to see tigers we would've visited daddy at work"

Me : Hey darlin' we got a lot in common...I'm not wearing a bra either.

My friend turned around knowing it was me, while the lady next to her turned around and said "You Pig!!!" and slapped me...I guess she thought I was talking to her, because she really wasn't wearing a bra...

One sloppy drunk guy noticing the arrival of a packed police van, Central London, New Year's Eve, 1999.

"Martin, why are you being so defensive?"
"Yeah, yeah...well why are you being so OFFENSIVE?"

"today i feel like an indispensible cog in the machine"

1: hey
2: what?
1: you know who really needs a haircut?
2: who?
1: Michael Bolton.
2: yeah, you're right.

I slid under the table I was laughing so hard (and I was in a different booth)! Wish I could recall whether she took him home that night.

Woman behind bar:"You should try Gingko Bilboa, it's fantastic!"

Incredibly drunk guy covered in paint: "Will it give me a huge rectum?"

Man 1: You listen here. If they made me a decent looking woman, you know what I'm saying, it'd be perfect. I already understand guys.
Man 2: Fuck you are so right.

??!

"If you knew anything about space or love, you would never ever fuck with Björk."

ANTO 1: what are you up to this weekend?
ANTO 2: ah, i thought i'd go down to later.
ANTO 1: whaaa? you don't like dance music. why would you go there?
ANTO 2: sure it'll be full of gee!

("gee" = irish slang term for, er, female bits)

two antos (dublin equiv of geezers, maybe) on a bus, some years ago.

ANTO 1: what are you up to this weekend?
ANTO 2: ah, i thought i'd go down to (popular rave club) later.
ANTO 1: whaaa? you don't like dance music. why would you go there?
ANTO 2: sure it'll be full of gee!

("gee" = irish slang term for, er, female bits)

Dependent entirely when the campus pub is open. And we're on summer hours now unfortunately.

1: my dad wanted me to sign his living will, but no way.
2: but?
1: no way, i'm not signing it. i figure it's god's choice. when it's his time to go that's up to god.
2: but the medical bills. he could be like a vegetable like for years.
1: he's got money. i just won't do that.
2: it can be really expensive. it's do not resuscitate.
1: it's outta my hands.
2: ...
1: he's been real into this kinda stuff since he shot himself.
2: ?
1: didn't i tell you that? he put a gun to his head three years ago. blew out his eye, didn't kill him. he's got one eye now, he's still up and around.
3: oh my friend's dad did that. put a shotgun up under his chin, bssshh blew off the whole side of his face, but he lived.

"I'm a bad man, and sometimes a bad man's just got to be bad."
"And sometimes you're just DUMB."

Rude Boy 1: D'you get me. It was fucking out of order!
Rude Boy 2: Totally blood, disrespectful.
RB1: Yeah, he's got no 'spect. I sent him out for fresh pasta and he comes back with dried!
RB2: [shakes head sadly] Dried pasta's such a diss, man.

"Is he going into convulsions?"

"Not yet!"

I live next to the West Hollywood Russian mafia.

A: They don't have any [insert female recording artist name here] CDs!!!!

B: Maybe they're sold-out.

A: Maybe they're just SEXIST!

I also heard them complaining that the store didn't have "enough" Sex Pistols records, whatever that means. Oh, Berkeley..

"What's a glory hole?"

Exec1: They've got 35 buildings on 29 locations, 900 employees...looks like we've hit the glory hole with this one.
Exec2: "glory hole"? What kind of expression is that?

He was in one of those Soviet places, not quite Soviet, like Turkey or Turkmenistan or one of those. We can’t get you home they said, but we can get you to Germany

They took him to Kazakhstan overnight, and everyone gave him a weird look. There was only one car.

Then they flew him to East Germany and from there to West Germany

ah i missed a bit out

He was in one of those Soviet places, not quite Soviet, like Turkey or Turkmenistan or one of those. It was Hungary, thats it

We can’t get you home they said, but we can get you to Germany

They took him to Kazakhstan overnight, and everyone gave him a weird look. There was only one car.

Then they flew him to East Germany and from there to West Germany

I was having to type so fast into textddit to try capture what I could, there was more but i couldnt get it fast enough

hes leaving bucks fizz, mike Nolan

Really? did he die in a car crash or was he badly injured?

Badly injured

Most middle class English voice ever:

"Well, you know what they say about Australians, they're all a bit...cowabunga."