shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/insight-pharmaceuticals-considers-bananacin----banana-flavored-anacin-tablets----after-worlds-oldest-man-credits-combo-as-secret-to-long-life-217133321.html

Insight Pharmaceuticals Considers 'Bananacin' -- Banana-Flavored Anacin Tablets -- After World's Oldest Man Credits Combo As Secret To Long Life
Scientists rush to lab to concoct new over-the-counter remedy for longevity

http://i.imgur.com/ILM6h3Q.jpg
Bananas + Anacin = The Secret to Longevity? (PRNewsFoto/INSIGHT Pharmaceuticals, LLC)

TREVOSE, Pa., July 26, 2013 /PRNewswire/ -- Moments after learning that the world's oldest man credits his longevity to a daily dose of six Anacin tablets and one banana, scientists at Insight Pharmaceuticals began to investigate whether 'Bananacin' – a banana-flavored Anacin tablet – might be the elixir for longevity.

According to multiple news reports, 112-year-old Salustiano "Shorty" Sanchez-Blazquez of Grand Island, New York, credits the banana-Anacin combo for his extended life. Born in 1901, Guinness World Records now recognizes Shorty as the world's oldest man.

"Historically, apples are the fruit most associated with staying healthy and avoiding doctors," said Jennifer Moyer, vice president of marketing for Insight Pharmaceuticals. "Our scientists had never looked into the banana before. But now that the certified oldest man in the world credits bananas and Anacin as his life-extending combo, we're certainly going to explore whether a new 'Bananacin' product makes sense."

Anacin, invented in 1916 by William Milton Knight, is one of the oldest brands of pain relievers in the United States. Its unique formula contains two important ingredients – aspirin and caffeine – to deliver fast pain relief from headaches. Anacin is currently available in regular and maximum strength tablets as well as regular strength caplets; Insight Pharmaceuticals is exploring a banana-shaped capsule for the new 'Bananacin' flavor.

"Forget the fountain of youth – 'Bananacin' could be a game-changer for life expectancy," Moyer noted. "If nothing else, 'Bananacin' sounds delicious! And it only makes sense that the oldest man in the world recognizes the benefits of Anacin, which is one of the oldest brand pain relievers in the U.S."

While Insight Pharmaceuticals scientists work to bring 'Bananacin' to drugstores nationwide, headache sufferers can visit www.Anacin.com to download a $2 coupon for any original Anacin product. Bargain hunters can follow Anacin on Twitter (@Anacin) to double their coupon to $4.

"We're committed to helping people have better days by giving them fast pain relief – especially for those great nights that are followed by rough mornings," Moyer continued. "And if we can somehow discover how to help them add days to their life with 'Bananacin,' it's a win-win."

Insight Pharmaceuticals is exploring a banana-shaped capsule

drop everything

The meat, which contained no fat, was fried in a pan with copious amounts of butter by an English chef and presented on a plate with a bun, lettuce and tomato slices to Dr. Post, Mr. Schonwald and Hanni Rützler, an Austrian food scientist. Pleas from the journalists and others in the audience for a bite were dismissed by Dr. Post, who said he did not have enough to go around.

http://money.msn.com/now/post--hipsters-are-killing-american-razor-sales#scpshrtu

wow, that article fits this thread topic to a T

man I wouldn't like to be a collector of original 7-inch vinyl Happy Mondays singles right now

http://www.complex.com/sports/2013/08/the-time-i-dunked-on-gilbert-arenas

The Time I Dunked on Gilbert Arenas and Sharted My Shorts

over two pages? really?

http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/08/dear-daughter-i-hope-you-have-some-fucking-awesome-sex/

reprinted elsewhere with a picture that totally looks like an onion picture too:

http://goodmenproject.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/ApprehensiveDad.jpg

http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/brand-dear-daughter-i-hope-you-have-awesome-sex/

You know, that's one way to insure your daughter never has sex. Good thinking there.

sex insurance

dear daughter if I ever blog about ANYTHING tangentially related to or even mentioning you having sex you can just disown me

Noises from daughter's room.
Dad bursts in.
Daughter: (gasps) Dad!
Dad: I support you sweetie! Have an awesome time... carry on...

...just pretend I'm not here.

Ilxor: Nooooooooooooooo!

Conservatives Angry At 'Elysium' for Showing World Their Ideology Would Create

http://thecontributor.com/ari-rabin-havt-elysium-biased

For the headline, mostly.

http://www.thisissurreytoday.co.uk/Unremarkable-men-walk-40-miles-particular-reason/

oops sorry, I know you'll be desperate to read this, URL should be:
http://www.thisissurreytoday.co.uk/Unremarkable-men-walk-40-miles-particular-reason/story-19658769-detail/

3rd time's the charm!
http://www.thisissurreytoday.co.uk/Unremarkable-men-walk-40-miles-particular-reason/story-19658769-detail/story.html#ixzz2c7FeMTcz?1588245343&redirected=true

i hope nobody got paid to write that

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2013/aug/19/david-cameron-protruding-disc-back

http://minnesota.publicradio.org/features/npr.php?id=213568763

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/08/19/beers-implicated-in-emergency-room-visits/?src=recg&_r=1

dear daughter if I ever blog about ANYTHING tangentially related to or even mentioning you having sex you can just disown me

My dad was this kind of dad and my sister's just fine. I'd post a photo of my nephew but... People have sex and eat and shit and sleep and whatevs.

Finding the unjustly homeless, and teaching them to code.
https://medium.com/architecting-a-life/fee8f3ee97a0

this sounds awful already. making someone learn to code has got to sanctioned as some kind of torture somewhere

http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2013/01/22/is-atheism-a-religion/atheism-cannot-replace-religion

(it's the headline combined with the author photo and the name "Phyllis Tickle" that does it)

pen name of Phil Listicle

http://sports.yahoo.com/news/braun-calls-apologize-season-ticket-110758738--mlb.html

Uri Geller mystified by letterbox on Thames Sonning Bridge

Bridge got mad sonned. Shit was bananas.

"Residents of Sonning-on-Thames, Berkshire, said the box could only be reached by river users."

Geller: Is it true Bridge got sonned by a Thames over letterbox beef?

http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/69759000/jpg/_69759732_southoxfordshire-20130910-00974.jpg

well I guess it is an "onion article" of sorts

http://mobile.theverge.com/2013/9/10/4713256/groupon-india-onion-deal-crashes-website

http://www.nj.com/middlesex/index.ssf/2013/09/highland_park_becomes_first_town_in_nj_to_ban_fracking.html

(just tbc, fracking in highland park nj is already exceedingly unlikely). Also:

The borough also banned nuclear weapons in the 1980s.)

lol Truthout:

Is Broad Opposition to War on Syria an Opportunity to End American Empire Responsibly?

lol hurting xpost

http://shotglassluchrc.weebly.com/uploads/1/3/0/8/13081517/7944557_orig.jpg

http://nypost.com/2013/09/24/i-wooed-my-man-with-a-sandwich/

Today's Sunday Express headline:
http://images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/covers/287x361front/2013-10-13.jpg

ahahha

Who would have thought that this might happen?
https://medium.com/weird-future/d19c8db85c2

if anything that guy is waaay too easy on McConlogue, but i notice that piece is being hosted on the same site, so...

iirc the last time McConlogue tried this shit, Billy Ray and Louis totally played him w/OJ futures

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/10/22/sports/deadspins-tim-burke-waits-to-turn-offbeat-moments-into-gifs.html?_r=5&

http://blogs.wsj.com/experts/2013/10/28/suzanne-somers-the-affordable-care-act-is-a-socialist-ponzi-scheme/

http://s.wsj.net/blogs/img/EXPERTS_LOGO.png
http://s.wsj.net/public/resources/images/OB-YV315_expert_C_20130909095823.jpg
What will the Affordable Care Act mean for retirees?

SUZANNE SOMERS: As a writer of 24 books mostly on health and wellness and by using my celebrity to get to the best and brightest doctors, scientists and medical professionals in the alternative and integrative health-care world, I have come to the following conclusions...

subsequent correction also applicable:

An earlier version of this post contained a quotation attributed to Lenin (“Socialized medicine is the keystone to the arch of the socialist state”) that has been widely disputed. And it included a quotation attributed to Churchill (“Control your citizens’ health care and you control your citizens“) that the Journal has been unable to confirm.
Also, the cover of a Maclean’s magazine issue in 2008 showed a picture of a dog on an examining table with the headline “Your Dog Can Get Better Health Care Than You.” An earlier version of this post incorrectly said the photo showed and headline referred to a horse.

looooool

http://deadspin.com/marshawn-lynch-had-no-idea-buffalo-was-not-in-new-york-1454884873