God bless the goddamn Onion

http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-baby-born,33171/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-baby-already-crawling,33174/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-baby-eats-first-meal,33191/

Looking forward to the baby's first public appearance.
These articles must be really confusing for people browsing with images turned off.

I think it's reasonable to assume that, any time one of the Onion writers makes a series of decisions which ends with them watching improv, we'll see that picture again.

i think they realized they missed this and just had to do one more

http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-baby-has-fathers-eyes,33216/

literally could not breathe

http://www.theonion.com/video/judge-rules-white-girl-will-be-tried-as-black-adul,18896/

wooooow

I woke up all anxious in the middle of the night, and thinking of those baby royal stories really creeped me out, in the same way ghost stories did at age 10. !!!

http://www.theonion.com/articles/frustrated-novelist-no-good-at-describing-hands,33239/

didn't realize how long they'd been doing the baby thing http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-family-releases-kate-middleton-ultrasound-im,30613/

yeah this was the first I believe, still my fave - http://www.theonion.com/articles/cut-this-monster-out-of-me,30602/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/frustrated-novelist-no-good-at-describing-hands,33239/

― Number None, Wednesday, July 24, 2013 3:01 PM (16 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

omg im dying at this. those terrible hand descriptions should be a poll thread.

“Sometimes I hide the hands by saying characters had really long sleeves or having them stand behind tables, but that starts to feel awkward,” said Milligan, adding that no matter how much he practices writing about hands, “they always come out weird.” “I’ve also tried to avoid doing hand descriptions altogether, but you can only put a few amputees in your stories before people start to notice.”

So I read this one today - http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-at-salad-bar-has-to-say-every-item-aloud-as-he,33238/ - then I actually caught myself doing this while putting condiments on a burger at a cookout. ;_;

Hahahaha

http://www.theonion.com/articles/biden-has-guy-named-worm-sit-in-for-him-at-cabinet,33250

"Biden Has Guy Named Worm Sit In For Him At Cabinet Meeting"

Worm, White House sources confirmed, remained silent for most of the meeting other than occasionally saying, “How you doing, I’m Worm.”

Last print issue came out in Madison today, boooooooo

The hands! Killing me.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-fiercely-divided-over-completely-blank-bi,33256/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/unambitious-loser-with-happy-fulfilling-life-still,33233/

incredible

http://www.theonion.com/articles/45589321-healthy-kale-recipes-to-try-this-summer,33406/

oh my god

http://www.avclub.com/articles/jay-lenos-reign-over-the-tonight-show-draws-to-its,101486/

Sean O'Neal consistently kills it in these pointless news-itemicles

there are still so many questions to be answered as the finale approaches. Will Leno pay for the lust for power that’s led him again and again to lies and betrayal? Can any man’s soul retain its innocence, after having seen all this, after having heard all about this?

* (otherwise) pointless

Onion editors not making many cop friends
Insecure, Frustrated Bully With Something To Prove Considering Career In Law Enforcement

Kind of a gimme, but still: Whitey Bulger Verdict Interrupted By Ben Affleck Shouting Commands From Director’s Chair In Balcony

http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-onion-encourages-israel-and-palestine-not-to-g,33473/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:1:Default

http://www.theonion.com/articles/8-of-the-hottest-celebs-without-their-flesh,33505/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/4-copy-editors-killed-in-ongoing-ap-style-chicago,30806/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/10-crazy-optical-illusions,33472/

"This one is only possible to see if you have pancreatic cancer. It’s an apple."

''Leave wherever you are right now and get prescription glasses that make your eyes hurt and everything blurry."

I think they went a little too dark for their audience this time

This is pretty fucking dark, yeah.

i saw a headline on twitter about a step-daughter and did not click on it.

perfect picture

http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-week-in-pictures-week-of-august-19-2013,33533/#12

http://www.theonion.com/articles/elmore-leonard-modern-prose-master-noted-for-his-t,33559/

strangely lovely, like a Will Eno play

http://www.theonion.com/articles/breaking-middle-east-conflict-not-solved-today,33571/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-desktop-folder-created-for-sad-little-creative,33592/

that one hit a little too close to home

have they been doing this for awhile?
http://www.theonion.com/video/the-onion-reviews-lee-daniels-the-butler,33517/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/mother-surprised-son-needs-so-much-ammunition-for,33591/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:2:Default

yow

sometimes i think they're just testing to make sure they really can go as dark as they want

every now and then they'll do something that goes so far that it sort of leaves the snark behind and turns into something else. like this one, which kind of reads like a sick parody of an onion article to me:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/awkward-new-international-student-saw-his-entire-f,33589/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:2:Default

yeah that isn't funny. not in the scolding "that isn't funny!" way. it just isn't funny.

that international student one is solid onion. you've got kids being assholes to each other, kids being assholes in particular to a kid with a troubled home life - exaggerated case here obv, that doing the satirical effort - and 'first world problems' teenage edition. the intention isn't always to be funny, except maybe in the most wry, desert dry way possible i guess. sometimes they are just shining a light or sticking a knife. this one is the former and that creative project one i linked is the latter, both v well executed imo

The second-last paragraph is a pretty solid punchline.

RS otm

i do think it's funny but the details included are so OTT that it feels different than the usual stuff they do, like they've gotten fed up with their usual limits and they're pushing into lenny bruce territory.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/our-annual-back-to-school-issue,33614

i guess they are really going all in on this one

That international student piece is straight from the Michael O'Donoghue playbook.