Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and ev'ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way,
"Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way"

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows and did it my way!"

Fish hands on misery to fish
it deepends like a coastal shelf
get gutted and served as a dish
and don't have any spawn yourself

"What's your favourite Marillion album?"

"You look different to your profile picture. You're a fish."

"well this is awkward"

"May I have a sip of your water, please?"

"there are plenty of other fish in the sea. "

was trying to find a way of using that for a long time this morning.

"Pass the me, please"

"So strictly speaking I'm really not a vegetarian option."

"You feel like a fish out of water? Fuck you, asshole."

"there is something fishy about this but i won't carp on, cod knows this isn't the time or the plaice and you've likely haddock up to here with my bullshark. eel see myself trout"

"I shit in your dinner."

"You misheard; it wasn't a Groupon deal, it was a grouper deal."

"Holy crap, your name's John Dory too?"

"there is something fishy about this but i won't carp on, cod knows this isn't the time or the plaice and you've likely haddock up to here with my bullshark. eel see myself trout"

http://i.imgur.com/raLIi9t.jpg

"me? straight into the food industry right outta school"

"you simply must try the veal."

"It was a cookbook!?"

"yeah I guess the kitchen staff are kinda making fun of you for dining alone"

"so, uh, what's the uh, what's the fork for, man?"

"You're no catch of the day yourself."

"Pleeeeeeee-e-e-e-e-e-ease d-o-o-o-n't eeeeee-e-e-e-a-t me L-i-i-i-i-i-sa!"

"FISH, MUTHAFUKKAZ!!"

don't look at me, i ordered chicken.

tonight's special will be my friend bob. he'll be served on zucchini coulis with rice pilaf and grilled endive.

"wait til u see the steak!"

"i take the sush out of sushi"

vg

"i wonder sometimes if i am the victim of a malicious meunière"

ah..

Golf/Surgery ones too dismal to relate..

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/08/05/p465/130805_contest_p465.jpg

"wait'll you see my dick"

lol

submit it

"Our specials tonight are tuba and C brass."

"ignore me now bitches"

"yes that is the original plughole from psycho. well spotted."

"No, that wasn't my spit valve"

"Euphonium? You just met him!"

"if you need to fart, just let me know"

"i beg your pardon, but madam most certainly did order it"

"I'm afraid we're out of the sea bass, can I get you a tuba?"
"Funny you should ask: I _am_ in a band."
"It's 11:59, we close at midnight and trust me: you don't want to be here late."

here's a more "new yorker" submission: "we used to have a mariachi band but, you know... downsizing."

"I've heard of the 'Pot Noodle Horn', but this is just ridiculous..."

"Fixing the sign was too expensive, so we went all in with the Sousages concept."

i beg your pardon, but madam most certainly did order it"

― clique- your heels, together (darraghmac), Monday, July 29, 2013 12:35 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is the one

"If you think I'm bad, wait until the drummer does a ten minute solo."

"Sorry miss, I could have swore I heard your husband call for a horo."

"If you're wondering about the cartoonist's name, his parents really hated him."