body positivity!!

I'm on a slow climb out of negativeheadspace -- i'm nowhere near KIP but I've discovered that being fat and looking good is as simple as a) wearing stuff that makes me happy and/or b)smiling because I'm happy

like the difference in the 2 photos homoII posted for me comes down to the look on her face - the first she just looks sad (and the first thing I said to myself was oh damn I know that face) and in the second, she looks unfuckwithable because she's fucking BEAMING.

for me I'm just trying to learn not to mentally retreat when I'm out in the world, but be present and enjoy just being me out in the world.

so, that.

be present and enjoy just being me out in the world.

<3 <3 <3 <3

hello thread, ilu and glad that you exist, each of you a body

i would like to be more positive about my body

honestly i would like to learn how to be more consciously integrated ~into~ my body, become comfortable with actually just ~being~ a body, instead of having this concept of my body as a mind-vehicle

cartesian dualism is stupid and dumb

!!!! I have almost posted something similar about six times already!

I feel more like I am just a body, sometimes. With its flaws, which I seem to obsess over one at a time in a neurotic fashion. Maybe quirks is a better word.

the purpose of my brain is to obsessively fixate on how my glasses are out of place and attempt to adjust them every 20 seconds for three hours, or to sit up a little too rigidly because I've decided my posture is bad

one of the things that makes dualism happen is when there is a "you" that wants to do something and "your" body is complaining/refusing/being a dick about it

Brains have multitudes of quirks and flaws, too. They just don't show up in photographs, so you have to look harder to see them. xp

!mind positivity~

yeah i mean, for me it's hard to be aware of my body & how it ~feels~ in the moment without engaging in some sort of critical self-talk about it, i'm sure other people have mentioned this itt but i haven't had a chance to read it through

i've been trying to engage in some mindfulness meditation and that has been somewhat helpful in being able to identify and disengage from those types of thoughts as they happen but it's certainly a struggle

I was at the beach feeling p good about my nice, functional body and its pleasing lines (from what I could see) and how good it felt, and then later I saw a photo and was unpleasantly surprised--it didn't feel like I was a sea lion wearing an innertube around its midsection. Still, at least I got to have the day all to myself to feel good.

I guess it's a just a series of those moments, allowing yourself to forget to think about it, and then being reminded later, but already having had the positive experience. Maybe one key element is not stopping yourself from having the next one.

i was at a bbq on sunday and this gay was talking about how he likes to go to provincetown during Bear Week because "it makes him feel skinny" and i legit wanted to slap his face

Would you say you positively wanted to slap his face?

maybe he meant it in an erotic way, like he feels tiny with a few bears sitting on him

guess I should own up to being the guy behind the "healthy hot fatties" quote mentioned at the top of this thread. It was horribly worded, I was drunk a the time and trying v hard to be privilege acknowledging guy, my point that I was trying to make was that obv it's bullshit to be judging ppl on perceived "healthiness" and "fuckability" but that sizeism is clearly unfair EVEN ON THOSE TERMS. It was a dumb thing to say tho cause complaining about "unfairness" posits a "fair" way to shame ppl for their bodies.

I was also feeling maudlin and wanted an excuse to whinge about my own feelings about my body (which don't belong on this thread) and I'm sorry if I upset anybody.

You aces, wins.

By which I meant "You're aces."

thx carl, really. I was bummed to be singled out on ~this thread~ as a ~that thread~ guy and then I went back and reread what I wrote :-\

...i was thinking about how we appraise ourselves and it's tied into the way we appraise others isn't it? i feel like it is for me, or like i'm not thinking "do i like the way i look?" but "will other people like the way i look?"

― the SI unit of ignorance (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, July 9, 2013 7:12 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i think if other people weren't in the equation i wd be 100 percent contented with me on the surface, just the aches and pains i can do without

― the SI unit of ignorance (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, July 9, 2013 7:13 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

...maybe it's a gendered experience? do women learn to appraise themselves differently to men on the whole do you think?

― the SI unit of ignorance (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, July 9, 2013 7:14 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

when we imagine that others are evaluating and harshly judging our appearance, we're probably just projecting our own self-judgment onto an imaginary surrogate. it's displaced anxiety or even self-loathing.

of course we all do judge one another, at least from time to time, and it's only sensible to be aware of that. i'm talking about a sustained preoccupation with the idea that one is being measured and found wanting, especially when there isn't much real evidence that this is the case. i do it, and i'm a guy, but i've known lots of similarly afflicted women.

Trayce, feeling you on the face-sagging fears.

One thing that is pretty fucked-up: I hate my features that I think scan as Appalachian/poor white trash (which is my background on both sides of my family). I tend to have petty, contemptuous thoughts about other women who look like that, too. It's especially dumb considering that I am very much in favor of women of other ethnicities/ethnic backgrounds cultivating pride in features that do not fit the mainstream beauty standards.

In KIP news on this thread, I have just met a guy online who thinks I am incredibly hot and cute, so thats absolutely cheered me up. Not that I need verification from others to feel good, but hey! I'm 42 and I apparently still got it.

I am constantly mistaken for someone about 25, which bugs me a lot, because in my mind I am a hardboiled dame. And also these bozos at work think we're the same age and I want to shout: NO, I AM YOUR SUPERIOR IN MIDDLE MANAGEMENT, FEAR ME!!!

^^Better if hissed through gritted teeth.

had a little moment when i realized something: i may never have to worry about showing too much (any) cleavage, but i have a decent looking clavicle.

Haha! That's cute, and I would agree.

Nice clavage

:D

haha
why thank u

I wore a very tight pencil skirt today without hosiery, shapewear, or anything tummy flattening, and at least seven people have looked me up and down with confusion or scorn today.

jealousy imo

NATURALLY

A+++++

HOT!

Just tried picturing LL in my mind and I mostly get smiles and clavages tbh. The time we met in person we both remarked how easily we identified each other by picture. Draw your own conclusions.

tbf most of my pictures show my resting bitchface

i am having a hell of a hard time with this today and it's not even 10am

This is a good goal, and tough, so I am glad this thread exists. It's been a good read and there are so many sharp, caring comments ITT from sharp, caring people.

Over the past month I have done a lot of traveling/reconnecting with people – I've seen a lot of major and minor players from the past eight years of my life (and a lot of extended family who I hadn't seen in years). I've had a lot of slow, gradual weight fluctuations as an adult, and I appreciated that a lot of people did NOT see me through that lens of 'hey you used to have different dimensions in either direction' but some other thing they knew about me. 'So how's being a teacher?' 'I saw you drew a million cartoons.' I weighed a lot more in grad school but almost none of the peeps from grad school I caught up with cared about that, we wanted to talk about each others' brains/hearts/lives. I think that is what helps me the most – treating weight like it is as insignificant and as impolite to talk about as a birthmark. And, of course, the privilege of being around others who think/talk that way. Too much propinquity to people talking about weight, calories, etc., and I do get the crazy eyes. I had to start eating lunch by myself at work because that was ALL anyone wanted to talk about.

I think that is what helps me the most – treating weight like it is as insignificant and as impolite to talk about as a birthmark. And, of course, the privilege of being around others who think/talk that way.

whenever i catch up w the women in my immediate family, they always start out with "you look great! you've lost weight." even if i haven't. if i too obviously haven't, it's just the "you look great!" part. it's all complimentary, but i cringe internally without quite knowing why. esp when they go on about how the ladies are sure to be impressed. i've never thought there might be anything odd about any of it, but the fam does have a track record of eating disorders, harsh shaming, body dysmorphia, etc.

agree w crabbits that it'd be nice if body & weight weren't always the primary focus.

Hi, elmo! You're the styliest and best. Go forth and be majestic today.

aw <3 thanks L

I think it's also good to remember that it's ok to feel like shit sometimes, but the important thing (for me at least) is to realize that my brain is actively working against me at those times and it's ok to look in the mirror and be like "dang, girl - lookin rough" but not "hey look it's a worthless piece of shit". yknow?

today? i'm tired and my skin looks terrible. oh well! good thing i don't have to look at myself all day huh.

i have trouble delineating between thoughts of

"i should get more activity because i'm the inheritor of a bunch of shitty genetics that predispose me to heart disease"

and

"i should exercise more because i feel like a disgusting slob who can't fit into pants"

"get more activity" is a better framing device than "exercise more" i think

i do think it's important to be mindful of the first without falling prey to the emotional pitfall of the second but it's not always easy because of the internalized cultural associations between being thin and being healthy

Being physically active really helps me with body image issues because it helps my mood a lot, and the first thing that happens when I get a little depressed is the shitty negative self-talk starts. So there's a voice in my head that loves whispering that I am a disgusting slob who can't fit into pants (or whatever it happens to be that day) and being active makes me feel better and helps shut up that dumb voice, or at least gives me a little more resistance to it.

I also like to be active because I love the smug satisfaction of have good high blood pressure when I go to the doctor.