God bless the goddamn Onion

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http://www.theonion.com/articles/kids-tired-of-hearing-boring-stories-about-how-fat,33025/

even the beatles had a coinstar machine in their living room (Crabbits), Saturday, 6 July 2013 17:41 (twelve years ago)

haha noooo

goole, Monday, 8 July 2013 05:18 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/george-zimmerman-wins-florida-state-lottery,33139/

ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Tuesday, 16 July 2013 22:45 (twelve years ago)

it's total lolcollege, but i love this one
http://www.theonion.com/articles/rock-apparently-factors-into-girlfriends-shower-ro,33138/

how bad could it be to be stuck to the couch, forever... (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 17 July 2013 19:11 (twelve years ago)

I had a cackle at this headline: http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-who-couldnt-defeat-george-w-bush-attempting-to,33149/

Gukbe, Wednesday, 17 July 2013 19:13 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/deepak-chopras-epic-twitter-meltdown,33170/

Cap'n Conserv-a-pedia (Hurting 2), Friday, 19 July 2013 20:37 (twelve years ago)

whoops

Ⓓⓡ. (Johnny Fever), Monday, 22 July 2013 16:28 (twelve years ago)

what

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 22 July 2013 16:37 (twelve years ago)

hola, amigos, maybe it's a running gag?

pplains, Monday, 22 July 2013 16:44 (twelve years ago)

yah otm, the group has the same pic and same name, so it's just two stories about the same group, nbd

congratulations (n/a), Monday, 22 July 2013 16:46 (twelve years ago)

I guess I'd have noticed that if I'd read the stories. Jeez, goole!

Ⓓⓡ. (Johnny Fever), Monday, 22 July 2013 16:47 (twelve years ago)

yes, as in, uh oh, a running gag

goole, Monday, 22 July 2013 17:34 (twelve years ago)

running keep on truckin' hobo improv

goole, Monday, 22 July 2013 17:43 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-baby-born,33171/

Ⓓⓡ. (Johnny Fever), Monday, 22 July 2013 19:50 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-baby-already-crawling,33174/

Ⓓⓡ. (Johnny Fever), Monday, 22 July 2013 20:19 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-baby-eats-first-meal,33191/

Ⓓⓡ. (Johnny Fever), Monday, 22 July 2013 20:23 (twelve years ago)

Looking forward to the baby's first public appearance.
These articles must be really confusing for people browsing with images turned off.

Øystein, Monday, 22 July 2013 20:40 (twelve years ago)

I think it's reasonable to assume that, any time one of the Onion writers makes a series of decisions which ends with them watching improv, we'll see that picture again.

Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 23 July 2013 07:08 (twelve years ago)

i think they realized they missed this and just had to do one more

http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-baby-has-fathers-eyes,33216/

stefon taylor swiftboat (s.clover), Wednesday, 24 July 2013 02:22 (twelve years ago)

literally could not breathe

http://www.theonion.com/video/judge-rules-white-girl-will-be-tried-as-black-adul,18896/

surm, Wednesday, 24 July 2013 02:28 (twelve years ago)

wooooow

some dude, Wednesday, 24 July 2013 11:14 (twelve years ago)

I woke up all anxious in the middle of the night, and thinking of those baby royal stories really creeped me out, in the same way ghost stories did at age 10. !!!

even the beatles had a coinstar machine in their living room (Crabbits), Wednesday, 24 July 2013 15:47 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/frustrated-novelist-no-good-at-describing-hands,33239/

Number None, Wednesday, 24 July 2013 20:01 (twelve years ago)

didn't realize how long they'd been doing the baby thing http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-family-releases-kate-middleton-ultrasound-im,30613/

stefon taylor swiftboat (s.clover), Wednesday, 24 July 2013 20:13 (twelve years ago)

yeah this was the first I believe, still my fave - http://www.theonion.com/articles/cut-this-monster-out-of-me,30602/

balls, Wednesday, 24 July 2013 20:15 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/frustrated-novelist-no-good-at-describing-hands,33239/

― Number None, Wednesday, July 24, 2013 3:01 PM (16 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

omg im dying at this. those terrible hand descriptions should be a poll thread.

neil degrasse (m bison), Wednesday, 24 July 2013 20:18 (twelve years ago)

“Sometimes I hide the hands by saying characters had really long sleeves or having them stand behind tables, but that starts to feel awkward,” said Milligan, adding that no matter how much he practices writing about hands, “they always come out weird.” “I’ve also tried to avoid doing hand descriptions altogether, but you can only put a few amputees in your stories before people start to notice.”

A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Wednesday, 24 July 2013 22:24 (twelve years ago)

So I read this one today - http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-at-salad-bar-has-to-say-every-item-aloud-as-he,33238/ - then I actually caught myself doing this while putting condiments on a burger at a cookout. ;_;

it itches like a porky pine sitting on your dick (Phil D.), Thursday, 25 July 2013 00:48 (twelve years ago)

Hahahaha

http://www.theonion.com/articles/biden-has-guy-named-worm-sit-in-for-him-at-cabinet,33250

"Biden Has Guy Named Worm Sit In For Him At Cabinet Meeting"

Worm, White House sources confirmed, remained silent for most of the meeting other than occasionally saying, “How you doing, I’m Worm.”

Your Own Personal El Guapo (kingfish), Thursday, 25 July 2013 22:37 (twelve years ago)

Last print issue came out in Madison today, boooooooo

Guayaquil (eephus!), Thursday, 25 July 2013 23:01 (twelve years ago)

The hands! Killing me.

EZ Snappin, Thursday, 25 July 2013 23:05 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-fiercely-divided-over-completely-blank-bi,33256/

Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 26 July 2013 00:33 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/unambitious-loser-with-happy-fulfilling-life-still,33233/

loosely inspired by Dr. Dre (crüt), Saturday, 27 July 2013 15:22 (twelve years ago)

incredible

http://www.theonion.com/articles/45589321-healthy-kale-recipes-to-try-this-summer,33406/

ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Wednesday, 7 August 2013 20:57 (twelve years ago)

oh my god

R'LIAH (goole), Thursday, 8 August 2013 16:18 (twelve years ago)

http://www.avclub.com/articles/jay-lenos-reign-over-the-tonight-show-draws-to-its,101486/

Sean O'Neal consistently kills it in these pointless news-itemicles

there are still so many questions to be answered as the finale approaches. Will Leno pay for the lust for power that’s led him again and again to lies and betrayal? Can any man’s soul retain its innocence, after having seen all this, after having heard all about this?

sleepingbag, Monday, 12 August 2013 18:13 (twelve years ago)

* (otherwise) pointless

sleepingbag, Monday, 12 August 2013 18:14 (twelve years ago)

Onion editors not making many cop friends
Insecure, Frustrated Bully With Something To Prove Considering Career In Law Enforcement

Bnad, Monday, 12 August 2013 20:44 (twelve years ago)

Kind of a gimme, but still: Whitey Bulger Verdict Interrupted By Ben Affleck Shouting Commands From Director’s Chair In Balcony

Here's the storify, of a lovely ladify (Phil D.), Tuesday, 13 August 2013 19:13 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/8-of-the-hottest-celebs-without-their-flesh,33505/

R'LIAH (goole), Friday, 16 August 2013 15:58 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/4-copy-editors-killed-in-ongoing-ap-style-chicago,30806/

Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, 17 August 2013 20:12 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/10-crazy-optical-illusions,33472/

"This one is only possible to see if you have pancreatic cancer. It’s an apple."

some dude, Saturday, 17 August 2013 20:49 (twelve years ago)

''Leave wherever you are right now and get prescription glasses that make your eyes hurt and everything blurry."

Doctor Casino, Saturday, 17 August 2013 22:38 (twelve years ago)

I think they went a little too dark for their audience this time

Coming Out Of Elton John's Mouth (crüt), Tuesday, 20 August 2013 21:14 (twelve years ago)

This is pretty fucking dark, yeah.

誤訳侮辱, Tuesday, 20 August 2013 21:57 (twelve years ago)

i saw a headline on twitter about a step-daughter and did not click on it.

pplains, Tuesday, 20 August 2013 21:59 (twelve years ago)

perfect picture

http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-week-in-pictures-week-of-august-19-2013,33533/#12

R'LIAH (goole), Tuesday, 20 August 2013 22:01 (twelve years ago)


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