"Try paying attention to the speed limit. It's not like it's rocket science."
― go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 09:48 (thirteen years ago)
Driver: "So what? My dick is harder than Chinese arithmetic."
― go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 09:49 (thirteen years ago)
"You can't miss it."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 09:51 (thirteen years ago)
Stephen Hawking hired to write 'CHiPs' reboot.
― go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 09:52 (thirteen years ago)
"The cartoonist can't tell The Simpsons from Simpson's Rule."
― go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 09:54 (thirteen years ago)
"You can reduce pollution if you get a tailpipe shaped like Gabriel's Trumpet."
― go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 09:56 (thirteen years ago)
"Welcome to Yellowstone National Park, but remember, only YOU can prevent dividing by zero!"
― go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 10:00 (thirteen years ago)
"Yeah, we used to get people to walk in a straight line to test if they were drunk, but we switched it up to Intermediate Calculus."
― go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 10:02 (thirteen years ago)
"If you want signs showing the speed limit in Arabic numerals, then why don't you just go and live in the Middle East?"
― go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 10:05 (thirteen years ago)
"Welcome to the Blackboard Jungle. Drive carefully."
Cop: "Who do you think you are, Einstein?"
― go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 10:06 (thirteen years ago)
"We tried having roadsigns labelled in binary, but this way is less confusing."
― go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 10:09 (thirteen years ago)
"The government decided that the driving test was too easy, so they added the requirement that candidates have to solve the n-body problem."
― go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 10:11 (thirteen years ago)
"Is that the new model Ford you're driving?"
― go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 10:12 (thirteen years ago)
"Hey! I didn't make the laws of Thermodynamic Fusion, Buddy!"
― Mark G, Tuesday, 18 June 2013 10:13 (thirteen years ago)
"Turns out that I should just think of you as a number instead of a person."
― go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 10:15 (thirteen years ago)
"Well if you had a Google self driving car, you wouldn't have problems with roadsigns."
― go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 10:16 (thirteen years ago)
"Don't try and be smart with me."
"...and once you've figured out this equation, I've got a real test for you. Try figuring out the cartoonist's name from their signature."
― go cray cray on my lobster soufflé (snoball), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 10:19 (thirteen years ago)
"OK, now do you know how fast you were going?"
― Plasmon, Tuesday, 18 June 2013 10:31 (thirteen years ago)
a+
― stefon taylor swiftboat (s.clover), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 12:28 (thirteen years ago)
Policing by numbers
― should we bin tapping? (darraghmac), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 12:38 (thirteen years ago)
"Do you know how fast you were going?"
― Poliopolice, Tuesday, 18 June 2013 14:50 (thirteen years ago)
oops, that was already done
capt obv: "Can't you read the sign?"
― i didn't even give much of a fuck that you were mod (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 16:14 (thirteen years ago)
"Before you go, I have just one more question"
― should we bin tapping? (darraghmac), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 16:18 (thirteen years ago)
"Don't play dumb with me!"
― Shamrock Shoe (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 16:21 (thirteen years ago)
"You're not from around here, are you?"
― Shamrock Shoe (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 16:22 (thirteen years ago)
"We figured education was the answer to our graffiti problem, but...."
― should we bin tapping? (darraghmac), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 16:26 (thirteen years ago)
"Look buddy, we can work this out right here or we can go back to the station where the blackboard is bigger and the teachers aren't so nice..."
― Shamrock Shoe (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 16:28 (thirteen years ago)
Nice, esp "don't play dumb".
― Plasmon, Tuesday, 18 June 2013 16:49 (thirteen years ago)
― Mark G, Monday, 24 June 2013 14:31 (thirteen years ago)
http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/07/01/p465/130701_contest_p465.jpg
"The fake dog head is not necessary, you are actually a dog in real life!"
― Mark G, Monday, 24 June 2013 14:32 (thirteen years ago)
Presumably, one of the finallists is going to be some version of:
"Here's your prescription, boy.. FETCH!!!"
― Mark G, Monday, 24 June 2013 14:33 (thirteen years ago)
"Well you should have checked to see if the costume was full of superglue before you put it on!"
― Wide Area Network King (snoball), Monday, 24 June 2013 14:33 (thirteen years ago)
"I'm a vet. I treat actual animals, not furries."
― Wide Area Network King (snoball), Monday, 24 June 2013 14:34 (thirteen years ago)
"Well of course I'm a terrible plastic surgeon. One look at my nose should have told you that!"
― Wide Area Network King (snoball), Monday, 24 June 2013 14:35 (thirteen years ago)
"The bad news is that worms are the least of your problems."
― This amigurumi Jamaican octopus is ready to chill with you (Phil D.), Monday, 24 June 2013 14:39 (thirteen years ago)
"you have full-blown aids"
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 24 June 2013 14:43 (thirteen years ago)
so nice it posted twice
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 24 June 2013 14:44 (thirteen years ago)
"i'm afraid we're going to have to remove it"
"well, between you and me, i'm not really a vet either, so you've come to the right place"
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 24 June 2013 14:46 (thirteen years ago)
"If you keep telling me you're a dog, I'll cut your balls off."
― Wide Area Network King (snoball), Monday, 24 June 2013 14:53 (thirteen years ago)
"So you're convinced that you're not only a dog, but a ninja dog."
― Wide Area Network King (snoball), Monday, 24 June 2013 14:54 (thirteen years ago)
"Welcome to Happypet Veterinary Clinic. We put the RX into REX."
― Wide Area Network King (snoball), Monday, 24 June 2013 14:55 (thirteen years ago)
"It's bad news I'm afraid. Another shit New Yorker caption contest cartoon."
― Wide Area Network King (snoball), Monday, 24 June 2013 14:56 (thirteen years ago)
"Your mother is a bitch."
― Wide Area Network King (snoball), Monday, 24 June 2013 14:57 (thirteen years ago)
"The Hepatitis E will likely pass on its own -- but I highly recommend restricting your dog shit intake for a few weeks."
(obv shouldn't post to this thread at 1:30 am)
― Øystein, Monday, 24 June 2013 23:36 (thirteen years ago)