vadge horror stories

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In 1994 my friend Tom lost his virginity to a rotund goth girl, his brother's friends were making fun of him for having sex with an "ug", this is what Jeff had to say:

"Shit, pussy ain't got a face, and if it does, you best be running away."

― nickalicious, Monday, 26 February 2007 20:36 (nineteen years ago)

Ere had she the fluidity
Of a canal barge
But time, it was against her
Stalactiting the vardge
Her romeo loved her like the stars
Even though she was scaly and tight
But one day she'll be just like them
When the limpets come out at night
... LYSOL DOUCHE

― JTS, Monday, 26 February 2007 22:01 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.ilxor.com:8080/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=60&threadid=5591

― JW, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 00:34 (nineteen years ago)

Have I outstayed my welcome? Because I have a lot more.

― JTS, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 00:43 (nineteen years ago)

Nickalicious, did your story happen in MN by chance?

― John Justen, Tuesday, 27 February 2007 00:46 (nineteen years ago)

Sue was feelin' itchy
Sam was feelin' hoochy
Sue bought out the bitchy
'Cos of that ranklin' coochie
Paula Abdul dialled her
To divulge the secret duty
Sue, bemused, asked "Straight up?"
"Yeah straight up that booty!"
"Just hoist youself in stirrups,
Catch driplets in a beaker
And if you find toy soldiers,
Just phone my friend Martika!"
... LYSOL DOUCHE!!!

― JTS, Wednesday, 28 February 2007 00:51 (nineteen years ago)

six months pass...

Still proud of my contributions here.

― forksclovetofu, Sunday, 9 September 2007 21:16 (eighteen years ago)

nine months pass...

You know, J0hn's Sisters of Mercy pastiche was grossly under-appreciated here.

― HI DERE, Friday, 27 June 2008 11:45 (seventeen years ago)

Don't make your man
go up the bum
just cause you're cunny's
lined with scum!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 27 June 2008 11:58 (seventeen years ago)

I mean yes, yes it was.

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 27 June 2008 11:58 (seventeen years ago)

you know, the grammar gaffe makes that even more awesome

― HI DERE, Friday, 27 June 2008 11:59 (seventeen years ago)

GAH I NEVER DO THAT

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 27 June 2008 12:01 (seventeen years ago)

This i why i need to be a mod

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 27 June 2008 12:02 (seventeen years ago)

"you are cunnies lined with scum" is a great put-down, though.

― HI DERE, Friday, 27 June 2008 12:06 (seventeen years ago)

I shall mention this thread to Lukey G next time I see him.

― chap, Friday, 27 June 2008 12:43 (seventeen years ago)

Your honey makes
Your boyfriend quake?
Steralize
Your Tastykake!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― David R., Friday, 27 June 2008 13:23 (seventeen years ago)

If your cooze
Gets awful runny
And your guy
Thinks it tastes funny -
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 27 June 2008 13:29 (seventeen years ago)

Toxic shock?
Quitcher whinin!
Do something nice
For your vagina, and
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 27 June 2008 13:31 (seventeen years ago)

oh god my contributions were terrible.

― Autumn Almanac, Friday, 27 June 2008 13:33 (seventeen years ago)

General Tso
Will wince and glower
If your wonton's
Sweet and sour
LYSOL DOUCHE!

― David R., Friday, 27 June 2008 13:35 (seventeen years ago)

If your partners
Want a taste,
Protect them from
A mouth of paste
LYSOL DOUCHE

― HI DERE, Friday, 27 June 2008 13:36 (seventeen years ago)

If you've got a date,
And he puts his suit on
You'd better douse
Those menstrual croutons
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 27 June 2008 14:00 (seventeen years ago)

If that boy's gon'
Fly the coop let
Lysol drain your
Vag'nal omelette
LYSOL DOUCHE

― libcrypt, Friday, 27 June 2008 17:04 (seventeen years ago)

Since you know
That cheeky bugger
Wants to eat
Your stale facehugger
LYSOL DOUCHE

― HI DERE, Friday, 27 June 2008 17:41 (seventeen years ago)

Crust of vag
Is not a joke
So take care of
Yr penis poke
LYSOL DOUCHE

― libcrypt, Friday, 27 June 2008 17:51 (seventeen years ago)

Is your beau's expression's strained?
Do you have got a rankling uterus?
It's time you got your pooky drained;
your timing's mightily fortuitous!
For Lysol Douche's new product line
Will leave your beaver feeling fine!

-- x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, June 18, 2004 2:40 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Link

― remy bean, Friday, 27 June 2008 17:56 (seventeen years ago)

DRAIN THAT POOKY!

― HI DERE, Friday, 27 June 2008 17:57 (seventeen years ago)

aka BURN THE WITCH 2008

― remy bean, Friday, 27 June 2008 17:58 (seventeen years ago)

http://img175.imageshack.us/img175/2213/posterteethteaseroneshelq6.jpg

― titchyschneiderMk2, Saturday, 28 June 2008 12:38 (seventeen years ago)

Shouldn't that be "LISTERINE DOUCHE"?

― HI DERE, Saturday, 28 June 2008 12:39 (seventeen years ago)

vadge with teeth?

― Autumn Almanac, Saturday, 28 June 2008 15:47 (seventeen years ago)

i got some hairs caught in my teeth and wound up inadvertently flossing with em....but i dunno that that's unique at all.....

― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Monday, 30 June 2008 03:33 (seventeen years ago)

we missed you bjo

― electricsound, Monday, 30 June 2008 03:36 (seventeen years ago)

you ruled bo jackson you played both professional baseball and football at the same time my whole family thought that was outstanding

― iiiijjjj, Monday, 30 June 2008 03:40 (seventeen years ago)

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/7510/slickricktherulersback2wh0.jpg

― J0rdan S., Monday, 30 June 2008 03:42 (seventeen years ago)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Prostars_title.jpg

― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Monday, 30 June 2008 03:48 (seventeen years ago)

I cant see anything there bo.

also hello ^_^

― wilter, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:03 (seventeen years ago)

ya apparently I fucked the link up...s'okay, wasn't anything incendiary

― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:04 (seventeen years ago)

that Teeth movie btw is fucking awesome

spoiler: she bites off dudes' dicks with her vadge

― J0hn D., Monday, 30 June 2008 04:15 (seventeen years ago)

As a 22-year-old male virgin, some of what I saw in this picture is quite shocking and had me squirming in my seat on more than one occasion, trying to hold on to my manhood (so to speak) and enjoy a well-crafted coming-of-age horror-comedy.

― wilter, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:19 (seventeen years ago)

One night stand?
Now David Schwimmer's
Left a million
Little swimmers?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Dimension 5ive, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:23 (seventeen years ago)

Supreme Court
making you feel antsy?
Spritz our seltzer
down your pants-y
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Dimension 5ive, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:25 (seventeen years ago)

He saw and conquered
Then he came
Don't cry dear
They're all the same
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Dimension 5ive, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:27 (seventeen years ago)

Has your squid
slipped into squalor
Crack the window
and just holler
"LYSOL DOUCHE"

― Dimension 5ive, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:28 (seventeen years ago)

Not just great as
disinfectant
Try us you'll be
unexpectant
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Dimension 5ive, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:31 (seventeen years ago)

you can tell I'm on deadline

― Dimension 5ive, Monday, 30 June 2008 04:31 (seventeen years ago)

http://members.shaw.ca/revchu/stuff/men2zb.gif

― salsa shark, Tuesday, 1 July 2008 00:15 (seventeen years ago)

that pic never fails to brighten up my day.

― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Tuesday, 1 July 2008 00:52 (seventeen years ago)

Dayglo anime
Surprise
Flowing freely
From your thighs?
LYSOL DOUCHE

― HI DERE, Tuesday, 1 July 2008 00:55 (seventeen years ago)

Tattoo on your
lower back?
Bet you need
to cleanse that crack!
LYSOL DOUCHE

― Dimension 5ive, Tuesday, 1 July 2008 03:42 (seventeen years ago)

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