ok lets all shit our pants to something new: post 2005 horror film thread

Man I think the V/H/S movies are a blast. I'm totally cool with that becoming a one-a-year-franchise.

I only made it half way through Silent Hill: Revelations. Kit Harrington was astonishingly bad. He's not exactly Laurence Olivier in Game Of Thrones but he looked like acting was something he'd only read a vague description of, rather than having engaged in personally, beforehand.

Just finished abcs of death, need to crash but I will report back tomorrow

alright, so as anthology films go, its better than expected, and probably the best of any recent ones unless maybe you count the signal - nothing terrible overstays its welcome, but half or more of the films are ok to fairly good (i will verify that im not misremembering here in a second by rolling through them with some ratings). there is some stuff thats mediocre and yes a few that are just straight up hot garbage, but oddly the pacing is kind of well worked? its hard to believe that this is due simply by luck, i think the dude that planned this had some ideas about at least the tone of the directors and assigned letters accordingly. theres def a sense of play going on, not always overtly. going to be as spoiler free as possible obv.

so:

A (Nacho Vigalondo - Timecrimes) - 4/10. pretty eh in concept, i get the feeling dude thought he was going to BLOW MY MIND and wow he didn't
B (Adrian Garcia Bogliano - Penumbra, Cold Sweat) - 5/10. it's ok, doesnt really hang together, feels cheap
C (Ernesto Diaz Espinoza - Mandrill, Bring me the Head of the Machine Gun Woman) 6/10. okish, been done too many times before and better
D (Marcel Sarmiento - Deadgirl) 10/10. probably my favorite of the bunch. looks great, perfectly executed
E (Angela Bettis - Roman, most of the good horror roles for women in the last 10 years) 3/10. ehhhh, a little too wacky, but also super by the numbers bland
F (Noburu Iguchi - Zombie Ass, The Machine Girl) 0/10. Completely stupidly embarrassingly terrible. I think he's trying to say something about Japanese film, but what he is trying to say is dumb as fuck
G (Andrew Trauki - The Reef, Black Water) 2/10. Def the winner of the "who can pocket the most money from whatever stipend people were given" prize, no tension, who cares
H (Thomas Malling - Norwegian Ninja) 6/10. Points given for some tech skill and a full on load of wtf
I (Jorge Michael Grau - We Are What We Are) 7/10. in the blunt force category, unpleasant, but smart and simple
J (Yudai Yamaguchi - Meatball Machine, Battlefield Baseball) 4/10. Participation prize, who cares
K (Andres Morgenthaler - nothing i know at all) 4/10. vaguely amusing, but feels mostly like someone slipped in a spike and mikes reel while no one was looking. eh.
L (Timo Tjahjanto - Macabre) 10/10. Totally blindsided by this one, by far the nastiest of them all, gonzo weird and pulls no punches
M (Ti West - Innkeepers, House of the Devil) 6/10. I think someone was bummed out that people think he makes slow moving stuff, clever tone shift but pretty much a throwaway
N (Banjong Pisanthakun - Shutter) 8/10. Clever, with a light touch, takes an old joke and works it well.
O (Bruno Forzani/Helene Cattet - Amer) 10/10. Gorgeous to look at, basically an excellent primer to see if you will dig Amer, if a bit samey tbh.
P (Simon Rumley - Red White & Blue) 8/10. One of the most narratively ambitious films here, and even though it didn't really deliver for me, it's v well done.
Q (Adam Wingard - Pop Skull, A Horrible Way to Die) 10/10. King of mope atmosphere (which i liked but srsly) discovers his funny bone and wins big big big. Awesome.
R (Srdjan Spasojevic - A Serbian Film) 9/10. Totally incoherent and probably grabbing at some big themes that it cant really pull off, but tons of ambition give it some points that maybe the execution doesn't quite earn.
S (Jake West - Doghouse) 4/10. Not as shitty as doghouse, but still plenty stupid. feels like a castoff rob zombie video. hire some goddamn actors you hack.
T (Lee Hardcastle - idk) 6/10. ugh claymation, some funny bits. but dude. claymation.
U (Ben Wheatley - Kill List) 6/10. wanted to love it, some spots work, but man, it mostly feels like a phoned in mess
V (Kaare Andrews - Altitude, badass comic artist) 10/10. ok lets be fair, the story is a mess, but the fact that this dude brought in something that looked like this with the budget he was given is completely amazing. give this guy a writer and some better actors and holee shit. srsly.
W (Jon Schnepp - Metalocalypse, The Venture Brothers) 10/10. winner of the what is happening to me award for sure. completely insane and seizure inducing, but also somehow ultra creepy and hilarious and brainwormy.
X (Xavier Gens - Frontier(s)) 8/10. def going to be the gorehound favorite, but under the splatter and the really really blantant point making, there's just not much there.
Y (Jason Eisener - Hobo With a Shotgun) 9/10. This guy may be style over substance, but what fantastic, lurid, exceptional style it is.
Z (Yoshihiro Nishimura - Tokyo Gore Police, Helldriver) 10/10. I normally hate this stuff, but dude goes ALL IN on this one, so totally over the top and unfettered by taste, logic, or subtlety that it is a killer, perfect closer. tons of fun and full of bile and hostility and slapstick wackiness.

whew that took longer than expected. but yeah, 18 of 26 hit the 6/10 or better mark.

gonna try berberian soundsystem tonight i think

Hey y'all, since I don't watch much recent horror, can anyone ID a movie from 2-3 years ago that had a preview with a group of people in a diner, where an elderly woman transforms into some sort of alien? Movie got poor reviews as I recall, but I'd like to refind that trailer on youtube.

"Priest" I think?

i remember something like that but it was a demon, not an alien (bc the movie was about angels or something)
xpost

legion?

I think Legion is the movie you're looking for

sorry, "Legion"

legion was the one i was thinking of at least

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6p01-in6-k

Yeah, Legion is it, thanks. That granny scene, pretty innocuous by the standards of a lot of stuff in this thread, totally creeped me out.

I totally was thinking of "Legion" when I wrote "Priest", somehow I've managed to meld these two movies I've never seen into the same film

i havent seen legion but according to multiple trustworthy reports that movie is exhibit #1 for "everything good is shown in the trailer."

I swear to god, netflix times their streaming schedule by waiting until i send back a dvd. abcs of death is now up on streaming. watch it so i can start a poll on which one is the best

cmon dudes, its streaming! im going to start the poll anyway, even if im the only one who votes in it.

Watched up to T and will finish over the weekend. Nothing has really grabbed me so far - apart from O, which is excellent.

berberian sound system is fucking awesome but really isn't a horror film

Berberian Sound System pisses all over the overrated Sightseers, which is predictable and is no better than what an average film student could produce. I love b-movie stuff with good actors,

you keep getting that backwards, DSP.

ILX's collective hard-on for Amer is becoming a source of endless amusement.

I thought Amer was pretty dull iirc. Don't remember much b/c nothing happened.

Wheatley's new movie A Field in England is already available on the t0rrentz for those that are inclined that way. It looks a lot better than Sightseers.

It was on Channel 4 last night. I really enjoyed it, but it's not a horror film in any way, shape or form. Wants to be Jodorwsky more than anything else.

I didn't realise it wasn't a cinema release, only just read Bradshaw's review yesterday.

So, Calvin Reeder's THE RAMBLER... that was, uh, Calvin Reeder's THE RAMBLER.

it is a cinema release, it was released to theaters, disc, VOD, etc, simultaneously. some kind of experimental distribution strategy I guess.

xp

For a few minutes I thought "The Conjuring" was going to be a self-aware horror movie. Pretty soon I realized it was just every single ghost/haunted house/possession movie ever made, all at once, including Wan's last film "Insidious." This was better than that, amassing a few good brute force scares, but it unfortunately falls prey to many of the same things that have hampered, well, just about every single ghost/haunted house/possession ever made.

I wonder if Lili Taylor remembers she starred in 1999's "The Haunting?"

About to watch "Mama", lets see how this goes

It goes on for quite a bit, actually.

I kind of hated The Conjuring and I have no idea why anyone finds it scary/compelling.

I liked The Conjuring just enough. No masterpiece, but easily improves on Insidious.

Really, when it starts with killer demonic doll, I figured it would ridiculous on purpose, but no, it's just next stop, sillyville station.

The Insidious train just sat still next to the not-scary-in-the-slightest platform.

Mama is 90% pretty fucking fantastic, but unfortunately that last 10% is another terrible shitshow of an ending. Fuckers.

Lemme be fair here though, it's a killer first full length and I have to give this dude a ton of credit for that.

Also holy shit, I had no idea that was Jessica Chastain until the closing credits

I can't say enough nice things about The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh. a "ghost" story with one set, and basically one actor, but beautiful, original, chilling, and deeply moving. I think it hits VOD this week or next.

Found - not a FF horror, thank goodness - was at least halfway to greatness. meaning, it was great for at least half its runtime - but went terribly awry from there.

sinister - shit yeah

1) saw the conjuring last night and there is not enough time in the world for me to list the plot holes and gripes i have with this movie
2) still, i screamed 2x
3) how does a movie this weak (a "witch" from the salem witch trials"? really?) get vera farmiga and lili taylor?!

Farmiga's done a ton of schlock. Taylor probably needed the work

I keep asking the same thing every time I see Julianne Moore et al. in the "Carrie" trailer (which is basically just the entire movie in two minutes; there aren't enough plot twists they can throw in to justify showing the pig's blood dump in the promo).

anyone here seen francis ford coppola's twixt? looks like some kind of ghost story (?), gots elle fanning and val kilmer.

lili taylor was in hemlock grove so

And she was in "The Haunting," so

i haven't watched hemlock grove -- my lili taylor memories are mostly of her playing cool/weird people, not chirpy/possessed mothers of 5 married to office space guy.

http://www.releasedonkey.com/big/TVY1Qk1Ua3dNamt3TkRZME5WNUJNbDVCYW5CblhrRnRaVGN3T1RjNE5qWXpOUQ/picture-of-liam-neeson-lili-taylor-catherine-zeta-jones-and-owen-wilson-in-castelul-b-x26-xe2-ntuit-large-picture-number-12.jpg

anyway you all know this movie sucks, stop pretending

is that scooby doo?