God bless the goddamn Onion

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-fed-grapes-while-urging-press-conference-to,32540/

I read quite a bit (maybe all) of Infinite Jest believing Whataburger was a made-up restaurant.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/gay-kid-excited-to-be-made-fun-of-for-second-thing,32562/

accompanying picture selling the story
http://www.theonion.com/articles/kate-middleton-suffering-from-morning-sickness,32544/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/ancient-egyptian-agriculture-revolved-around-3-sea,32604/

^ I think these kinds of Onion articles are kinda lame tbh

it has a punchline

yeah I saw it

http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-events-depicted-in-star-wars-actually-happened,32560/

Yes, it is true that I grew up a loner, tinkering in the garage, wishing I could escape the moisture farm outside of Modesto, California, where my only real friend was my kindly Aunt Beru. Yes, it is also true that all I wanted to do was get off that farm and join the Academy at USC Film School like my best friend Wedge had done the year before. And, sadly, it is true that one day I left the homestead to look for some missing droids and when I returned, my Aunt Beru was dead—killed by stormtroopers of the Galactic Empire.

All of those events actually happened to me. And I guess making the Star Wars movies really helped me get my feelings about that stuff off of my chest.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/buzzfeed-writer-resigns-in-disgrace-after-plagiari,32616/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/19-tweets-from-the-audubon-societybarack-obama-twi,32625/

INTERESTING - http://blogs.wsj.com/digits/2013/05/30/music-reviewer-pitchfork-to-launch-film-site/

ugh! if you want some sort of "new" approach to film crit ("like pitchfork" lol) why would you grab a bunch of crix from the most average and generic mass appeal site ever? and when's the last time p4k's actually posted a scathing review?

lol the most mass appeal site ever right

maybe this will finally get the AVC to just shut down their awful film coverage and meanwhile drop all the other coverage and convert to a full-time TV episode review site

The Onion AV Club presents Random Roles

maybe this will finally get the AVC to just shut down their awful film coverage and meanwhile drop all the other coverage and convert to a full-time TV episode review site

― ty based gay dead computer god (zachlyon), Thursday, May 30, 2013 9:32 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

god their tv stuff is so bad yet so irresistible sometimes after watching a show, just as a thing to do that's a mild extension of that show

Haha, yes, after I watch even the stupidest piece of genre TV, I cannot wait to find out, "How did Donna Bowman get 600 words out of this?" David Sims's hate-watching of The Following is hilarious, though.

i don't think their TV coverage is any good, but it's the only regular feature anyone puts any stock in and the only reviews the site itself seems to care about. when a standard episode of a middling tv show none of their readers watches gets 4x the words as every single album or film review, the album and film review sections start to appear a little token

in actuality it should all be shut down urrrrrggggghhhhh

I used to read the TV capsules after an episode, thinking I'd gleam some trivia or a plot point I missed, but most of the time, they don't even know what the hell is going on.

Random Observations
• Hawkeye seems so bothered by the chicken that by the end of the episode, he imagines it's a crying baby. Who knew the good doctor was so paranoid about poultry?

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-on-cusp-of-having-fun-remembers-every-single-o,32632/

That made me want to cry for the rest of my life

ugh yeah pretty much

http://www.theonion.com/articles/after-careful-deliberation-baby-goes-with-homosexu,32627/

A little long, but worth it for getting to “If I wake up one day and don’t want to be gay anymore, then I can just switch to being heterosexual, easy as that.”

i get that it's trying to satirize the idea that homosexuality is a choice but on the other hand, "no one would EVER choose to be GAY amirite? HI 5 BRO" haha go fuck yourself

http://www.theonion.com/articles/oh-shit-i-totally-forgot-that-happens,32673/

should probably mention massive GoT spoilers there

While the barbeque’s host chatted with Platt about how excited he was to see the upcoming Superman movie, sources confirmed that all Platt could think about was the fact that his recently married sister was coming to town next weekend and was supposed to stay with him, which reminded him that he needed to clean his apartment, which reminded him he needed to buy extra bedding for his sister to sleep on, which reminded him that he had to make an after-work trip to Bed Bath & Beyond, which reminded him that he would be tired after work and wouldn’t want to go to Bed Bath & Beyond, which reminded him that he also needed to go to the grocery store because his sister would think he’s irresponsible if she saw his empty refrigerator, which reminded him that he and his sister aren’t as close as he’d like, which reminded him that his parents already had a house and two cars by the time they were his age, which reminded him that he’s been with his girlfriend for over five years and that while everything was going fairly well, he felt overwhelmed by the prospect of marriage and the mounting pressure to propose.

“Yeah, Man Of Steel looks good,” said a smiling Platt, who was only thinking about how he graduated from college over 10 years ago and still owed $86,000 in student loans. “Can’t wait to see it.”

:/

That one is pretty much my life right now, hurrah.

This thread becomes significantly less fun after I use up my 5 gratis pages. Is there some easy way round the onion's paywall?

Pay for it?

Granted, that looks like easiest (and the snarkiest) solution.

I didn't mean to be snarky, I just didn't understand why it wouldn't be the answer - if you are using it that much, and not using it is something you don't want to do, that's pretty much the sweet spot for 'pay for it'.

wait the onion has a paywall

for us benighted non-Americans, yes.

http://adblockplus.org

I've seen it pop up a couple of times but usually I seem to be immune to it xpost maybe that's why

tbf you only need to read the headline anyway

Can someone explain what this one is satirising? idgi

http://www.theonion.com/articles/asian-guy-has-separate-group-of-just-asian-friends,32681/

tbf you only need to read the headline anyway

This has been increasingly not the case recently, which is what's led to me paying up.

You can bypass the Onion paywall by using incognito mode (in Chrome, or its equivalent in other browsers).

xp I suppose 1 page view a week puts me over what the onion thinks they should be giving away for free. It just seems weird to pay for obvious, mediocre satire when I've got ILX for that.

Ah ha, cheers Eyeball.

Can someone explain what this one is satirising? idgi

http://www.theonion.com/articles/asian-guy-has-separate-group-of-just-asian-friends,32681/

― Just noise and screaming and no musical value at all. (Colonel Poo), Wednesday, June 5, 2013 5:14 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Its satirizing clueless ppl who see everything in racially tinged terms and also white ppl thinking that if they aren't invited to everything ever thats racism.

My Korean girlfriend kinda does this, though. Different circles of relationships are a thing. It's just not really that funny :/

Couldn't tell you how often I notice myself hanging out with only white people.

My Korean girlfriend kinda does this, though. Different circles of relationships are a thing. It's just not really that funny :/

― Millsner, Wednesday, June 5, 2013 11:38 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

right, its people being bothered by them thats funny

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-on-cusp-of-having-fun-remembers-every-single-o,32632/

― Evan, Friday, May 31, 2013 10:15 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

That made me want to cry for the rest of my life

― kinder, Friday, May 31, 2013 11:59 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ugh yeah pretty much

― some dude, Friday, May 31, 2013 12:04 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

had a real life version of this yesterday hanging out at a deck party when my dad called to talk about my money problems

Really want to share this one on FB just to see the shitstorm it would start with my family.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nelson-mandela-admits-thoughts-prayers-of-millions,32853/