why do i hate that artist thing that people keep posting on my facebook so much? why am i such a jerk?

blowing eyeball veins is a surprisngly common side-effect of sex, due to sudden increase in blood pressure

mashed banana mashed banana, mashed banana mashed banana

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, May 16, 2013 10:19 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hearing this to the tune of "Black & Yellow"

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/943778_10151388158865124_1479345361_n.jpg

Clearly a defensive play by a recently jilted inadequate lover.

I thought that @ was a © for a second.

Teddii Cabreja clearly doesn't know that Dr. Joyce Brothers told Conan O'Brien that women simply do not care if that nigga got a lil dick.

Dope Boy at getting laid, getting high, gettin paid and being fly
1905 to present
Studied at Blunt Rolling Acadamey
Past: Rachel Carson High School for Coastal Studies
Lives in New York, New York
From Brooklyn, New York

i know we don't put links in here, but someone posted this on fb and it's basically the essence of all these memes anyway and also the worst thing ever omg i'm crying

I'm going to need to read this in stages

I got to 'squeals like a toddler when the new National Geographic arrives' and closed the browser

uggggggggggggggggggggggghhh

looool

Once a traveller gets home, people rarely listen to their stories. So listen to him. Allow him to paint a picture that brings you into his world. He might talk fast and miss small details because he’s so excited to be heard. Bask in his enthusiasm. Want it for yourself.

WANT it for YOURSELF

nope. if he's wearing a woven bracelet and has a thousand miss you's in broken english on his FB wall then I'll lay even money that he also travels with a guitar and plays hackeysack and has the attention span of a gnat

bask in his enthusiasm
want it for yourself

i mean

if this is a good boyfriend then please to call me when you're looking for a manfriend

i can see how a guy who is never around and is basically the UN of random fucking would be a great prospect for any young lady

basically the UN of random fucking

lady, you have a way with words

i love u, sunny

im gonna try and fuck that UN

what is once fucked can never become UN-fucked

this essay does a really awkward job of showering praise on people for experiencing other cultures and having awareness of deprivation and poverty while basically saying you need a boyfriend who's rich enough to be a world traveller.

a sweet boyfriend in other people's misery

bask in his enthusiasm
want it for yourself

Brendan Harris on May 17, 2013 at 1:34 pm said:

Your ‘date a boy that travels’ really hits home as clearly, I am that boy. I write this from a field outside of Stockholm after a month in southern Spain and amidst plans to sail through the Caribbean and across the south pacific on a double masted sailboat. Throughout your article I couldn’t help but wonder, where are these girls that want to date a boy that travels? A girl like this needs some serious gusto. She needs to have no fear of the unknown and a willingness to take risk on a whim. She needs to love her home enough to appreciate its comforts but not be burdened by them. Offers to travel across the world with someone can be interpreted as over zealous an dreamy, but to this ‘boy that travels’ they are absolute reality. A girl (might I say, woman) that can see these plans for reality and not just dream will suit a boy that travels well. If you can tell me the location of this mystic island where they do eachothers hair, make travel bracelets and talk about these boys that travel, I will gladly bring my sailboat there and invite them all on board for a journey none will forget.
Yours Truly
A boy that travels.

oh man I'm dying

sincerely,
a boy that travels
on his tweeship

WHERE THEY DO EACH OTHER'S HAIR

elementary school playground

might i say... woman...

Went to Calais once on a trip with school. There's a shop in the hypermarket there where they sell butterfly knives which was pretty cool. #aboythattravels

nope. if he's wearing a woven bracelet and has a thousand miss you's in broken english on his FB wall then I'll lay even money that he also travels with a guitar and plays hackeysack and has the attention span of a gnat

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, May 17, 2013 4:35 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i was in a foreign country recently talking to a friend like why do dudes travel w guitars theyre so cumbersome and she was all to get sex and i go yeah totally worth it

#aboythattravels

exactly. that's why they get the side-eye. troubador=man whore

practice makes perfect

posted by a friend who is on the verge of ending her six or seven-year relationship about four years too late:
http://sentimentsfromtheheart.wordpress.com/2013/04/29/date-a-girl-who-teaches/

You should deal with this shit with alcohol, not Facebook!

(in ALL areas)

in the butt

Date a girl who teaches children. Date a girl who enjoys more in a bookstore for school supplies and children’s books rather than in make-up store.

surely she doesn't teach english?!

personally i'm always enthralled by girls with booklets i can't understand tho.

This one's for sunny.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/945230_596416957045986_327975048_n.jpg

-werner herzog

They're animals and we are pee-puhl, duh

if you look straight and deep into a chimpanzee's eyes won't they take it as an act of aggression and rip your face off?

(in ALL areas)

I just realized that all of these Date an X who Y are because of this thing from thought catalog from two years ago

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/dont-date-a-girl-who-reads/

back when Thought Catalog was relevant for about five minutes

this was apparently blogged "in response" and from there I guess it became a sappy Facebook meme

https://nonamerah.wordpress.com/2011/10/03/869/

hm that second link is clearly copypasta, I see attributions to someone named "Rosemarie Urquico" in lots of places but never a link back

evidence that "Date A Girl Who Reads" dates to shortly after the TC piece's publication http://www.tinamats.com/2011/datea-girl-who-reads/

blog investigation on the copypasta: http://themonicabird.com/post/3582061419/rosemarie-urquico-has-been-found

anyway the point is somehow all of these memes are way way worse than the original Thought Catalog slam-poetry-level emotional wankery, which is mindboggling

a few years ago ilx's own nabisco wrote this in response to some "date a writer" thing and it's my favorite

I will gladly bring my sailboat there and invite them all on board for a journey none will forget.

^^^ plot of the tense 1989 thriller Dead Calm starring Billy Zane, Nicole Kidman and Sam Neill iirc