Blue Saturday

xxp We probably do need a few. But how to work out which, make them need you back, walk the tightrope between needing them too much and them needing you too much?

Not really breaking new ground with these questions here, I know.

xp Yeah, the strip did make me appreciate that even in my greyest months I could still get small measures of joy from listening to music. I am thankful for that, and for living in an age where I can envelop myself in music without having to play an instrument myself or go out among people or even get up and turn a record over every 20 minutes. I mean that might sound small but given that I could barely summon the energy to read books or even comics, an entirely passive method to transport myself ~out~ was a blessing

Sorry, to find out those answers you need to purchase my book

Its a little scribble or two i call THE BIBLE

I gave ten pounds and all I got was a lousy salvation.

the previous Hyperbole and a Half adventure in depression was really good too http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/noodle_vague/934016_10151377797786875_700404415_n_zps4e1c72d1.jpg

Fitba

it is horrible but calling my mother just reminds me how fucking glad i am that i am removed from that life

sorry family, i just don't like you very much. you're trapped in the same cycles of ignorance and pain and i don't think i can change that.

ultimately you can't carry the responsibility for other people's self-chosen ignorance, and nor should you

went back to work after a fortnight contemplating self-harm, dissolution, disappearance. wish i could carry that hyperbole and a half cartoon around with me. don't want to look like i'm turning my nose up at advice about positive thinking and looking on the bright side and counting my blessings and ahhh please

ever have one of those dreams where you find your soul-mate and after some kind of wacky adventure you're (re)united and everything is mindbending bliss until you wake up and it evaporates?

those dreams come from the devil

Often, usually about people I know. Tragic.

I'm stranded at a legal aid conference atm, hearing all about how government cuts are going to ensure that I'm never going to get a job in my chosen career that I've been working towards for 2 years. Happy Saturday!

Idk about physical self harm though dood, couldn't you just watch YouTube vids of wolves from this season instead?

i'm not going to get to the point of doing anything about it, i'd just been low enough that the idea kept coming back

done with that shit and other people's misguided complaisance now, gonna get my Tao back on

sorry this government and every subsequent government are making this country a shithole unfit for civilized people to live in btw :(

cupán tao

7/11 store selling poppers on the counter last night. bizarre and mean. magically headache-free.

question that i am wrestling with. is the world of business/management/careers so twisted that any honest attempt to engage with it is going to crush my brain, or is my brain just too crushed to do deal with this perfectly normal, everyday world?

"identify own career and personal goals" is gonna be the rock i perish on, i fear

MindTools, Forbes, Swot analysis, personality types, jeezus SB modernity i'll take my chances with Typhus and ratmeat for tea

just c&p random bits of these articles

http://elitedaily.com/category/life/motivation/

specific - shoot own face clean off, measurable - face will be full separated from body, achievable - need to get gun, dutch courage, realistic - frankly as realistic as anything else i got lined up, timely - give it to the end of the week

the thing is Nilmar we laugh at cobblers like elitedaily but there's this whole world of normal looking people living this shit and either thinking it's normal or doing a much better job of playing along than i can

just want a roof over me head, enough to eat and internet access, don't see why i've got to join some kind of Stakhanovite death cult just so's i can live

what's really dispiriting is i'm pretty sure i'm not smart enough or fit enough to live like this but loads of other feckers seem to manage it

i work in education and we had to do a swot analysis for my school! it was an unfamiliar concept, but i guess it helped us formulate our strategic plan? or something like that?
i haven't thought of it as something that was all that terrible, iirc. just kinda came and went, just like students do from one semester to the next. not long enough to get under my skin.

are you required to espouse/wield some sort of managerial jargon for your job? or are you on the receiving end of the jargon?

i am trying to work out why i'm here and how i can be more effective, partly because of a course i'm required to complete

i notice a lot of these management gurus were born in Austria in the early 20th century

i gotcha
do you know what they want to hear?

i don't think i've got it in me to lie that boldly? not right now.

Ppl that do well at this def treat it as an rpg.

But wtf stay away from business or mgmt do something clean like tesco or kitchen porter or bowling lane attendant.

just blather and unnecessary abuse of stationery, feel like this is what working is except they're all in on some secret rule and nobody clued me in

btw am applying for a job as a REVENUE AUDITOR in another tab, partly cos i get to sharpen my teeth on irish business ppl

go for it. i'm a 44 year-old baby.

i am totally unfamiliar with this world of business, but i guess this is what they mean by soul crushing. i'm sorry. i hope soon you get a little fight back in you and engage in some epic bullshitting on this report.

the worst of it is i'm supposed to be in education

is this a remedial/"developmental" exercise or one that everyone is required to do in order to prove their worth/survive?

management qualification. i was stupid enough to think i could improve things, didn't realize the idea was to fit in to the way everything works now.

so you are going for a promotion?

nah i am supposed to line manage a small team, because everything is crazy i then do the qualification to demonstrate that i can manage a small team. i'm quite happy with my ability to manage people - more or less - but the qualification is all about business management

ah ok, then i say it's total horseshit and you should lie your head off all the way through it like a champ.
just plow through it with bs! it will feel good to know you can learn a new language even if you don't like it very much.
that's how i feel about accreditation reports. i hate it, but when i can pull it off, i can go hehehe to myself.

Otm. I do think that the bs culture of "management" tends to have a disastrousqp effect on the entirely unrelated practice of, yknow, actuality managing ppl. I've been doing grunt work for t€$¢o for most of my 20s, I don't think I could negotiate that world if I tried. Have an interview next week with a biotech company (a difft kind of grunt work, I don't know anything about science) and it took me a week and lots of booze just to write my cv & cover letter, it was such a foreign register to me. I don't think "this is what work is" at all, I think it's something that we have to grit our teeth thru & then get back to getting as much fulfilment as we can from our grind (which can be a fair amount!)

some of us lucked out and got desk jobs in the public sector tbrr

Typos galore but it took me ages to type that on my phone & the sun is in my eyes and pub blowhard is talking about killing paedos xp

I don't think I would like a desk job daz. But then I've never had one, unless (ugh) telesales counts

ah i'm just whining as per. sick of other people's foibles and sick of the wrong attention being paid to the wrong part of the job and sick of management gorillas beating their chests and trying to out-alpha the underclass and sick of being told to care about it

disengage, take the cheque, mouth the formulas, get out of there at five and read a nice book or w/e

- repeat until dead?

a reminder that job!=existence

That seems to be the deal xp

16 hours off every day, and 24 at the weekends. analyse it appropriately and it's a p good deal tbfh

What % of yr waking life is that tho

Ask the sheepfuxors

I mean I work weekends and have a 9hr day but