itt blogs instruct you how to be a man

questions.

1. how the hell are you supposed to take a leak when your crotchpocket is in use

cockwarmed Laphroaig looooooooool

good for stopping stray crotch-aimed bullets though

up and over, elmo

2. is this just a excuse to uh, pad your assets disguised as practicality

mh 'up & over' is my preferred route but this is like trying to take a leak while wearing a cup i.e. complicated

3. "why does your passport smell like piss?"

my original guess was a "padded" brief based on the url

and yeah, this is difficult, maybe their next product can be a flask with a curved top or a hole in the middle to put yr dick through

But padding your assets with a flat metal square just gives you Ken-doll-crotch, surely

hey big boy, looks like you're packing a spare set of keys in there

is that a deck of cards or are you disinterested to see me

But guys, won’t buying these briefs create a whole new set of problems, in that I will become so cool and attractive that I will have to beat the ladies off with a stick?

Yes, but don’t hit girls with sticks. Ever. For real.

so cheeky

this is the worst kickstarter i've ever seen. quite a feat.

getting some tynan vibes off the dude in the video

This is the dumbest thing and it makes me so so happy

I dunno, I'm kinda interested, but that's because I'm the kind of cheap drunk that would actually consider putting a flask of whisky in my pants

i can see the horrified reaction on some poor girls face now

take it to http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=77&threadid=95179#unread

>:[

Stylish Punctuation
You can learn a lot about someone from their punctuation. A lack of periods announces a poorly organized mind. A properly employed semicolon or dash suggests a subtle dignity. But nothing exudes tackiness like the exclamation point.
The exclamation point is the dullard’s last gasping plea for attention – a 141st character admission that the sentence itself conveys no information worth the fare. It has all the eloquence of a piñata.
Unfortunately, the exclamation point is spreading like venereal disease in a retirement home. It doesn’t even require a fresh host sentence to reproduce. Often I see a whole colony of them huddled together at the end of some meaningless phrase. After all, how does one compete with someone whose having a “great time!” if not by having a “great time!!!”? It’s only a matter of time before exclamation points start appearing in the middle of sentences or even as entire paragraphs unto themselves.
The proliferation of the exclamation point is a symptom of our broader social malady: packaging suffocating product. Grocery stores stock aisle after aisle of empty calories wrapped in slogan-stamped plastic. Universities that used to offer an education now peddle diplomas and spring fling concerts.
Style in clothing suffers from a similar incontinence. Bright colors and baubles are the exclamation points of menswear. In the best of all worlds, they might be used sparingly to indicate intent or mood. But they are cheapened through overuse. Today, after another bumper crop, their price is at an all-time low. We have gone from “I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled” to “Look at my striped shirt!”
The next time you end a sentence with an exclamation point, imagine a period in its place. If your sentence withers, no quantity of exclamation points can save it. The same is true for “statements” in clothing. What if you didn’t wear your skull-and-crossbones tie clip? Does the whole thing look wrong? Then start over. Use punctuation to organize the substance of what you are trying to say, rather than to camouflage the fact that you really have nothing to say at all.

in a way that is just a really dumb blog post by some selfregarding ivy undergrad but w/e, i thought it worth noting for its precocious idiocy, it's quite bold

http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs50/f/2009/335/3/9/Apocalypse_by_pierremassine.jpg

haha no wait i'm wrong, that's written by some a popular menswear blogger and well regarded styleforum dude, it's much worse than i thought

Grocery stores stock aisle after aisle of empty calories wrapped in slogan-stamped plastic. Universities that used to offer an education now peddle diplomas and spring fling concerts.

society is in the gutter

it used to be a man could wear a single-breasted suit, now these bufoons insist on triple-breasted

that punctuation advice is such utter rot. i reject it. i reject it in toto.

in toto!!!!!!

the line must be drawn hyah

no need to bring judo into this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyDbfCbQnH8

a lack of periods announces that person is a dude, or pregnant, menopausal or otherwise none of yr business.

'my prose style is damp and full of tangled metaphors. aren't exclamation points just terrible?'

men, tell me about these baubles on yr clothing

What if you didn’t wear your skull-and-crossbones tie clip? Does the whole thing look wrong?

well yeah, jeez dude

I had an entire slate of withering skull-and-crossbones tie clip jokes lined up but then I remembered that I own TWO Glee Club ties

well i think he's implying that a skull-and-crossbones tie clip would be the absolute height of gaucherie

he obviously hasn't seen my skull and crossbones suspenders

ironically, i can instantly tell if my gf is pissed at me when she starts putting periods at the end of her txts

I hardly ever see men wearing baubles, unfortunately.

http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2013-04-10/dude-the-battle-to-become-the-male-pinterest

sfx: a stereophonic chorus of retching and splattery vomit noises

things that are not onion articles

peentrest

manteresting

its a portmanteau of 'man' and 'not interesting'

intermansting

misteransting

i don't understand how an adult man could spend the amount of time required to research and write an article like that before killing himself