why do i hate that artist thing that people keep posting on my facebook so much? why am i such a jerk?

There's surely a country music tune that expresses this in fewer words.

(congratulates self on use of the word "Fewer" there)

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice.

what - the - HELL

CANCER

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

cool beans

i forgot to update: i couldn't bring myself to do this. i'm sorry. it felt juvenile, smug, and wrong. that CANCER death porn shit is totally bonkers.

Moral: wake up to the fact that you are a gigantic asshole before it is too late.

"I feel like getting a divorce. Wow, my wife is crying now, that feels good"
"Hmm wait, hugging her is nice"
"You know what, I don't want the divorce."
"Oh shit I didn't even notice the cancer!"

Jane sure dodged a bullet.

who produces this sort of a story?

i have a facebook friend (just some complete stranger who was in my high school class, no idea why he wanted to be my facebook friend) who is always posting insane right wing shit and then this super sappy "love your daughter this way and teach your sons to be this sort of man" propaganda and it totally freaks me out. i bet he would love this story.

here's an earlier version: http://forums.vogue.com.au/archive/index.php/t-52517.html

even more broken english, but the ending is different -- no CANCER

SO HOW DID IT PRESS THE BUTTON?

those of you who don't know about "Our Tune" have really missed out

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Tune

Is Simon Bates on Thatcher funeral guestlist?

i always wanted to send in some huge litany of woe to "Our Tune" with cancer, severed limbs, battered children, divorce, the works, then ask him to play "Agadoo" at the end

"Jane, Jane, just kidding! Look I bought you some flowers!"

what person does not tell their husband they have cancer i don't even.

and then they don't go to the hospital or something they just waste away and die on a bed.

something in this story feels like its been kicking around since like 1600 and originally it was about consumption.

and then they don't go to the hospital or something they just waste away and die on a bed.

The ultimate revenge. Divorce me? I'll make you fall in love with me all over again and then after you break up with your girlfriend I will DIE.

cancer is a little detail and they only share those when they're intimate

It takes a cancer bombshell to realize that your mansion isn't what matters. I think we can all relate.

would've been more powerful if she died because when he needed a heart transplant she secretly traded hearts with him and it was his heart that gave out in the end and now he has to live with hers think about it

would've been more powerful if someone lost an eye due to the thrown chopsticks

Ha, actually I first read this because it was posted by a 30 year old guy awaiting a heart transplant. He has his friends list in a stranglehold with these crazy, mawkish stories because no one wants to be that asshole who robs him of whatever weird satisfaction he gets out of them. He prefaced it with something about how he cried so hard & how if he ever had a wife he would treat her like a queen. 0_0

this guy should have just waited it out i guess and he would have had a soft landing w/jane. sad story all around.

yeah the moral of this story is don't divorce your wife for your mistress even if u are in an unhappy marriage because your wife might die and boy will u feel dumb for missing out on that golden ticket.

yeah, if dummy had just stuck around a little longer he could have had his cake and ate it too

Jane would never have lied to him about cancer.

I really want to post a response along these lines in reply to the facebook post (someone i haven't seen since hs who's now a lowlevel manager at some multilevel marketing door-to-door thing) but i just... can't.

What sticks in my mind: She threw away the [theretofore unmentioned ]chopsticks and shouted at me.

apparently this thing appeared around malaysia initially (hence the chopsticks). the sensibility actually does feel very straits chinese. http://www.snopes.com/glurge/carry.asp

but you'd think whoever translated it would've changed the chopsticks to something more american, like a foot massager

was circulated in english even then as according to snopes -- remember the area is former british colonies.

i just wanted to bring the foot massager back

I especially liked that she didn't just throw the chopsticks, she threw them away.

Throwing away the foot massager at dinner would vastly improve the story.

And when he got home and found his dead wife, he cursed God, but Jesus said, no, it's cool, she was going to throw away your foot massager.

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/164907_579195978768084_1456807172_n.png

If I were a LAWSUIT I'd be a SEXUAL HARASSMENT CASE so I could SEXUALLY HARASS YOU.

If I were a tool I'd be a hammer so I could smash you to a pulp

if i were a Facebook story i'd be one about a foot massager so you could get cancer from lost children

If I were a carpenter...AND YOUUUUU WERE A LAAAAADY

Sometimes they are funny.

http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/s480x480/547951_227602934047073_928494859_n.jpg

That's not funny, that's just gross.

it's kinda funny

http://stumbles.org.uk/john/20120614_Native_Nutrition_Nonsense/nnn.jpg

wow a native american quote attributed to an actual person, and attached to an actual photo of that person

wow the url is "native nutrition nonsense"

thats not a url

it's a network. a native nutrition network.

the url *includes the phrase* "native nutrition nonsense" obv

mattsplaining

haha

"thats not a url" YOU DONT SAY