shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

The picture and caption of this article look Onionish.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2013/04/11/newser-beaver-kills-man/2074145/

Boston Dunkin' Donuts Remain Open To 'Take Care Of Law Enforcement And First Responders'

http://www.natureworldnews.com/articles/1440/20130418/tylenol-eases-existential-anxiety.htm

that link starts 2 videos with sound when you open it

the chains of worry are forged in idle hours

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/04/north-korean-missile-test-delayed-by-windows-8.html

oh wait "borowitz report" nevermind

smh

\o_O/

Fuckin Borowitz

quite literally "shit that looks like an onion article but isn't"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2032985/Road-trip-UCLA-student-goes-Libya-fight-rebels-sick-summer-break.html

i added that dude on facebook back when that all went down and he accepted my request some time after he got back

Last line of the article is such an Onion punchline.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/british-public-wrong-about-nearly-everything-survey-shows-8697821.html

"15 per cent of of girls under 16 are thought to become pregnant every year"

what the holy fuck is wrong with people?

this is why political change that doesn't involve severe beatings is never gonna work

15% of girls but some of them are 4 yrs old, for the 15 yr olds it must be more like 80%

actually that's a flaw in the question -- most people would probably think you meant something like 13-16 year olds, not all girls under 16.

survey doesnt cover the most enduring political calumny of the social right -- the notion that the ECHR is part of the EU, which lots of university educated people subscribe to

from the article Hurting i'm guessing they asked people to guess at figures, not make a choice. and i don't care how you skew the numbers, 15 percent?????

i've explained the difference between the ECHR and the EU to people on several occasions and to be honest they didn't give a shit even when they knew the difference

they usual express mild confoundment when told that the conservative party & st winston were its progenitors

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/libertycentral/2009/oct/04/human-rights-act-conservatives/print

quand le peuple sera-t-il donc éclairé?

jamais

http://uk.movies.yahoo.com/nick-cave-talks-his-insane-gladiator-sequel-074708607.html

http://www.brentwoodgazette.co.uk/inside-story-Holiday-Inn-sex-den/story-19562484-detail/story.html

this reads like a brilliantly nailed-on parody of investigative tabloid articles, but I don't think it's supposed to be

bewildering it just stops when it was about to get... interesting

matt's other work today http://www.brentwoodgazette.co.uk/POLL-makes-perfect-pie/story-19562561-detail/story.html

matt cannon is the max read of brentwood

specialisms: group sex, pies

OMG Holiday Inn Sex Den!

It's also amazing how the first 4/5 of that article are about him fucking up his attempts to clandestinely record the events.

http://www.brentwoodgazette.co.uk/user/lw-avatar/3532161/profileMedium1372253292086.png

Good finds here

http://www.slate.com/blogs/future_tense/2013/07/29/apple_cheap_iphone_5_rumors_leak_exposes_human_rights_abuses_plastic_back.html

http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/insight-pharmaceuticals-considers-bananacin----banana-flavored-anacin-tablets----after-worlds-oldest-man-credits-combo-as-secret-to-long-life-217133321.html

Insight Pharmaceuticals Considers 'Bananacin' -- Banana-Flavored Anacin Tablets -- After World's Oldest Man Credits Combo As Secret To Long Life
Scientists rush to lab to concoct new over-the-counter remedy for longevity

http://i.imgur.com/ILM6h3Q.jpg
Bananas + Anacin = The Secret to Longevity? (PRNewsFoto/INSIGHT Pharmaceuticals, LLC)

TREVOSE, Pa., July 26, 2013 /PRNewswire/ -- Moments after learning that the world's oldest man credits his longevity to a daily dose of six Anacin tablets and one banana, scientists at Insight Pharmaceuticals began to investigate whether 'Bananacin' – a banana-flavored Anacin tablet – might be the elixir for longevity.

According to multiple news reports, 112-year-old Salustiano "Shorty" Sanchez-Blazquez of Grand Island, New York, credits the banana-Anacin combo for his extended life. Born in 1901, Guinness World Records now recognizes Shorty as the world's oldest man.

"Historically, apples are the fruit most associated with staying healthy and avoiding doctors," said Jennifer Moyer, vice president of marketing for Insight Pharmaceuticals. "Our scientists had never looked into the banana before. But now that the certified oldest man in the world credits bananas and Anacin as his life-extending combo, we're certainly going to explore whether a new 'Bananacin' product makes sense."

Anacin, invented in 1916 by William Milton Knight, is one of the oldest brands of pain relievers in the United States. Its unique formula contains two important ingredients – aspirin and caffeine – to deliver fast pain relief from headaches. Anacin is currently available in regular and maximum strength tablets as well as regular strength caplets; Insight Pharmaceuticals is exploring a banana-shaped capsule for the new 'Bananacin' flavor.

"Forget the fountain of youth – 'Bananacin' could be a game-changer for life expectancy," Moyer noted. "If nothing else, 'Bananacin' sounds delicious! And it only makes sense that the oldest man in the world recognizes the benefits of Anacin, which is one of the oldest brand pain relievers in the U.S."

While Insight Pharmaceuticals scientists work to bring 'Bananacin' to drugstores nationwide, headache sufferers can visit www.Anacin.com to download a $2 coupon for any original Anacin product. Bargain hunters can follow Anacin on Twitter (@Anacin) to double their coupon to $4.

"We're committed to helping people have better days by giving them fast pain relief – especially for those great nights that are followed by rough mornings," Moyer continued. "And if we can somehow discover how to help them add days to their life with 'Bananacin,' it's a win-win."

Insight Pharmaceuticals is exploring a banana-shaped capsule

drop everything

The meat, which contained no fat, was fried in a pan with copious amounts of butter by an English chef and presented on a plate with a bun, lettuce and tomato slices to Dr. Post, Mr. Schonwald and Hanni Rützler, an Austrian food scientist. Pleas from the journalists and others in the audience for a bite were dismissed by Dr. Post, who said he did not have enough to go around.

http://money.msn.com/now/post--hipsters-are-killing-american-razor-sales#scpshrtu

wow, that article fits this thread topic to a T

man I wouldn't like to be a collector of original 7-inch vinyl Happy Mondays singles right now

http://www.complex.com/sports/2013/08/the-time-i-dunked-on-gilbert-arenas

The Time I Dunked on Gilbert Arenas and Sharted My Shorts

over two pages? really?

http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2013/08/dear-daughter-i-hope-you-have-some-fucking-awesome-sex/

reprinted elsewhere with a picture that totally looks like an onion picture too:

http://goodmenproject.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/ApprehensiveDad.jpg

http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/brand-dear-daughter-i-hope-you-have-awesome-sex/

You know, that's one way to insure your daughter never has sex. Good thinking there.

sex insurance

dear daughter if I ever blog about ANYTHING tangentially related to or even mentioning you having sex you can just disown me

Noises from daughter's room.
Dad bursts in.
Daughter: (gasps) Dad!
Dad: I support you sweetie! Have an awesome time... carry on...

...just pretend I'm not here.

Ilxor: Nooooooooooooooo!