ok lets all shit our pants to something new: post 2005 horror film thread

wtf is wrong with people? your kid has to learn to seek out onscreen eviscerations on their own, at age 9, like any normal human being

"Home Invasion" as a genre is troublesome. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss the days of a bunch of dumb teenagers going out into the woods to drink and celebrate their last days of freedom for the summer, before they all get chopped to pieces. I miss that." - one of the guys who does the weekly trailer recap on Grantland OTM

I am pro home invasion and chopped to pieces in a campground horror, because I am a universalist.

camp invasion

Underrated Aerosmith -- I'd agree that plot holes in horror movies can be irrelevant. Less so logic holes, though, when they upset the film's own created logic. But anyway: I too rather liked the addiction metaphor. I also appreciate the general verve with which the filmmakers attacked the film. They took their job seriously, that's for sure. (A minor quibble: I didn't like how the Book of the Dead looked. I thought the scratchy writing was cheesy and looked like the opening credits to Seven. It looked like a movie prop rather than something ancient and unknowable.)

And also! The people entering the theater right in front of us were a mom with three little kids (maybe 8 to 11 years old). Are they advertising this flick on Nickelodeon or something?

"Home Invasion" as a label always makes me think of that scene in Twin Peaks where Bob crawls over the living room sofa into the camera. I know that's not what "Home Invasion" means, but still, that's like the worst home invasion moment ever.

I always think of this:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/a/ac/Ice-t_homeinvasion.jpg/220px-Ice-t_homeinvasion.jpg

Is there a good "cell phones will kill you" movie (he asks from his cell phone)?

One Missed Call? Haven't seen it but the Miike original is supposed to be good.

Was going to say Cellular, but the cell is what's supposed to save her.

Pulse? Is that the killer cell movie?

The Signal?

The perfect film would be "Cell" based on the Stephen King book but Eli Roth recently abandoned that project.

So you know it's gonna be good, because that guy can do know wrong, that guy can ... wait, what the hell has that guy been up to? Still miffed that no one saw "Hostel 2?'

Eli Roth's new movie is an homage to "Cannibal Holocaust," et al.

http://www.ign.com/articles/2013/03/01/eli-roth-on-the-horrors-of-the-green-inferno

He's playing it up as a "crazy" shoot, a la "Apocalypse Now" and "Aguirre."

So crazy he was banging two women at once.

Not at the same time, or anything, but behind each other's backs. That kind of crazy.

love that his idea for a cannibal movie is that these dumb hippie kids want to save these savages, see, so they go down to bumfuck booga-booga land and fuckin chain themselves to trees and shit, see, which totally works, but then their plane crashes and the same fuckin nosebone prims FUCKIN EAT THEM!!! lol irony, see? because they're really just savages and shit.

i mentioned it on the appropriate thread but y'all should be made aware that Upstream Color is really just a horror movie at heart.

Men's Fitness magazine voted Roth Most Fit Director in their July 2006 issue, a title Roth takes very seriously, with a strict workout routine that he documents on the Hostel DVDs. Roth claims he treats every red carpet like it was a Milan runway, and often jokes that he only makes films as a way to live out his lifelong dream of being a male supermodel. He spoke of his love for fashion in his interview in the October 2007 issue of Italian Vogue.

Seeing evil dead tomorrow, stoked

Report!

Loved it, but if you don't like your horror movies really mean, or dont enjoy the French extreme stuff, do not go to this.

isn't it tiresome that the movie has been made twice before? that one remake serves a purpose?

I was talking about this actually with the dudes I saw it with (mainly because of the goddamn Carrie remake trailer) - remaking Carrie sucks because the story is the story, you can't really fuck with it or people will freak. The core of evil dead is 5 people end up at an isolated cabin, find a bad book, and terrible things happen to them. That's it. There's just a ton more leeway there to do there than your average remake.

Also, evil dead 2 and this are moving in opposite directions from the original. There is nothing funny in this movie. Ever.

went on the evil dead 2013 page to see if there was sequel, thinking i should wait until it is out and make it a double bill but now i just don't know:
"At the SXSW premiere event, Alvarez announced that a sequel is in the works. In addition, Sam Raimi confirmed plans to write Evil Dead 4 with his brother; it was later specified that this film would be Army of Darkness 2.

At a WonderCon panel in March 2013, Campbell and Alvarez stated that their ultimate plan was for Alvarez's Evil Dead 2 and Raimi's Army of Darkness 2 to be followed by a seventh film which would merge the narratives of Ash and Mia"

so they will try to mix these world together!?

also, that's a lot of films.

that sounds stupid. The remake is competently done but it just feels hollow. It's not fun (which fair enough it's not going for) but it's not scary either. It's just a succession of increasingly gory events, signifying nothing

As opposed to the original and ED2, which signify ... ?

That's why I've always appreciated the ED template: it's all horrible things, but I guess the lack of pretension heightens the OTT giddiness of the grisliness. This one, however, sounds like it errs on the side of too much characterization/context.

otm

the buildup to the nurse girl peeling her own face was pretty tense, but i was bummed that she only snagged a cheek piece. the drawing in the book was way rude, so i was expecting a whole lot worse. otoh, the next-beat punchline was pretty great.

signifying me having a good time at the movies Josh. It definitely doesn't have too much characterization or context either. The intervention subplot isn't really developed, and the cast are as interchangeable as all the non-Ash characters in the originals

also, i maybe beg to differ (just a little) on the "there is nothing funny in this movie" angle. it's never genuinely comical, not even in the grossout manner of dead alive and re-animator, but it does occasionally nod in that direction. cheek slipping, arm plopping, "injury to the eye", and especially the climax of the confrontation w the bomination, which might as well be tokyo gore police.

nasty movie doh

Tokyo Gore Police was just the worst. It was like "GWAR: The Movie."

i lolled. but then i liked the one gwar show i saw, too.

i interviewed the tokyo gore police people, it was such a weird interview, wish it was still online

I was so, so excited for the Evil Dead remake. It was a real shock to me how unmoved I was by it. Maybe if it had just been some random movie and not titled "Evil Dead" I would've felt less depressed about it. As effective as the remake might be in some regards, I certainly never need to see it again, whereas the original I could watch over and over to bask in the constant ingenuity, which never fails to feel as fresh and zesty as a spring rain. <---they should use that blurb on the next dvd box

its too bad its totally humourless if thats indeed true

Tokyo Gore Police was just the worst. It was like "GWAR: The Movie."

― Josh in Chicago, Monday, April 15, 2013 2:32 AM (16 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I thought it was hilarious, but I still find GWAR hilarious.

I'm not against humorless. I like humorless horror. But if the ingenuity doesn't expand much past what type of kitchen implement is used to mangle someone, then I'm going to be bored regardless of the realism of the splatter.

i have a soft spot for raimi and the ED franchise but the world does NOT need an army of darkness 2

OK, so I went to see a 12:35 screening of "Evil Dead" today. "Wait, 12:35?" say the vigilant time stamp watchers. "The movie can't be over, can it?" Well ...

I nestle into my seat and the movie starts. Demon woman burned alive, etc. Then I hear it: there are two other couples in this vast, empty theatre with me ... and one of them brought a fucking kid! Like, older than one, less than two, chattering away barely pre-verbally. I kind of squirm, but what can you do, right? So eventually the shit starts to go down and the kid begins to cry. They shush it calmly, and I'm thinking, just TAKE THR FUCKING KID OUT OF THE HORROR MOVIE! So eventually, the dad stands up and takes the kid out, shushing calmly the whole way. Phew, I think. But then, five minutes later, he bring the kid back in, right during the cheek slicing sequence. And guess what? The kids starts to cry. This time, he stands in the aisle bouncing the kid, shushing her, because god forbid he miss the action. After a while, I can't take it anymore, stand up, leave, and head straight for the counter. The guy who sold me the ticket greets me.

Me, immediately: How can you let someone bring their little kid into "Evil Dead?"
Him, raising hands defensively: I know, I know.
Me: That's totally fucked up.
Him: I know, I know.
Me: A kid shouldn't be watching that.
Him: I know. We usually have a policy of no kids under 6 in R-rated films, but that's only at night. During the day ... (he sort of shrugs)
Me: You know she's in there right now, crying?
Him: Right now?
Me: Yes, right now.
Him: Sir, I apologize. Please take this free pass.
Me: But see, I don't care that the kid is crying. I care that the kid's in there at all. You know it's fucked up when all sorts of shit is happening on screen, but it's the screaming kid that's making me sick to my stomach. The kid is going to be fucked up for life.
Him: I know. I'm really sorry.

Fortunately, this movie was such an absolute piece of shit I had no problem just leaving. I mean, it's as if they asked themselves, now can we better the first movie? And the answer was: fill the movie with the stupidest people possible. Even by horror movie standards!!!

Find a trapdoor covered with blood? Hey is that blood? Opens trap door.
Finds a basement that smells like burnt hair, filled with dozens of suspended slaughtered cats? Huh, that's weird, maybe it's witchcraft, let's stay.
Find a book made of human skin, wrapped in barbed wire, full of demonic images, that literally and legibly says, in English, "DO NOT READ THIS" and "PUT THIS DOWN." Huh, that's weird, maybe I will read it. Better yet, maybe I will translate this ancient unknowable language and read it some more!

I mean, holy fucking shit. The nurse? Who gets blood vomited up all over and cites it as a withdrawal symptom? Did she get her fucking degree from the University of Phoenix? And this fucking shack in the woods has power and hot water? For that matter, the previous, what, tenants bind up the book in barbed wire ... and then leave it in the basement with all the rotting cats? Which no one but the one girl could smell through the inch-wide cracks in the floor? I mean, fuck this shit. I like effects well enough, but this was bad, badly made and boring.

http://criticultredux.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/evil-dead-2013-movie-hd-wallpapers-5.jpg?w=538&h=300

was bugged by the suggestion that backwoods witch cults take penmanship lessons from shitty metalcore album art

and yeah, i wasn't so bugged, but JiC otm wr2 dumb plot holes and senseless behavior

though tbh, if i found a mysterious occult text with dire warnings scrawled all over it, i'd only be that much more intrigued

After you found the blood stains all over the trapdoor and a couple of dozen rotted cats hanging from the ceiling? I think I'd leave. The great thing about the original is that it doesn't even toss that extra shit in there. It just gets going. This one is so just so inert, so not kinetic. I'm glad I left.

I mean, gah, the misplaced priorities!

"Do you think some satanic ritual took place here? All these dead animals and Book of the Dead warnings and stuff?"

"I dunno. We'll look into it later, after we're done letting her go cold turkey in this safe, controlled environment."

Do they even go back and explain what was going on in the prologue? Who those backwoods folks were? Did that prologue take place a week earlier? A month earlier? It was implied this was their old family cabin. Do they bring in any of that stuff, explain what happened to their mother and why the old family cabin was no only in a sorry state of disrepair but also the site of sadistic demonic ritual slaughters and stuff?

Not that I care, though it's hard to care less than these filmakers cared.

ha i think some of you who are heralding the internal logic in the original ED have maybe not seen it in quite a while

I watched it again last week, actually. The *complete* lack of internal logic is what makes it awesome. It's totally unpredictable anarchy. This one removes the anarchy and goes for rote. For certain in the original the shit doesn't go down *after* they've descended through a bloody fucking trapdoor to a room filled with hanging cats which they identity as the site of some nefarious ritual before picking up a book wrapped in barbed wire that literally says DO NOT READ THIS BOOK.

The first ED proved your movie doesn't have to make sense to be fun. This new one unlearns every lesson taught by the first one.

Anyone else surprised they haven't remade (rebooted) Poltergeist? That movie is scary, and a remake would suuuuuuuuuuck. Thank goodness the Suspiria remake is DOA.