in every old movie ever

"I know it seems unbelievable, Mr. Mayor, but I'm begging you - you've got to hear me out! If what Jimmy and Janey says is true, then the whole county could be in danger!"

"I believe I've heard quite enough of your stories, Doctor! Miss Blankman, show this man to the exit!"

Awesome revive of awesome thread.

this thread is my proudest achievement, i think

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=aPZxhk56O_M#t=50s

ComedianMaster 3 years ago
he's great and one of the best if not best actor of all time
Reply · 45

haha, I think we know whose username that is

I do like him tho, and his standup is surprisingly decent!

Bathrooms definitely contain sinks, may contain bathtubs, but NEVER contain toilets.

I'll say this for Ebert, at least he didn't feel superior to "old movies."

Who feels superior to what now?

this thread's clearly coming from a place of affection, not condescension, but as we know some ppl can't tell the difference

Or was the remark about Ebert meant as faint praise...? No professional critic scorns "old movies".

I'll say this for Ebert, at least he didn't feel superior to "old movies."

Oh lighten up you stuffy fusspott, how do you think we know enough about 'old movies' to contribute to this thread, by not watching them and not appreciating them? Speaking of which...

Picking up the story six years on...

Charlie: "Joey! But I thought you were... "

Joey: "...yeah, you and a lot of other mugs, but the whole thing was a set up, Charlie... there were no feds at Delancy's that night, it ain't that easy to rub out Kid Lombardi, especially not if you're a stinkin' copper! See, I needed to lay low for a while, let the heat die down and see what might... transpire... if the Kid was no longer around."

Charlie: "Why you I oughta!"

Joey: "Now settle down there Charlie boy, careful you don't give yerself a heart attack, we wouldn't want for you to end up in the city morgue. Dead."

Charlie: "But Johnny told me, he said ..."

Joey: "Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, I had you figured for being smarter than that...."

Charlie: "Johnny... (blankly) was in on it from the start...(angrily) why that lousy... and Shorty?"

Joey: "Well you know Shorty, always runnin' off at the mout'... but then you fixed him good, didn't you, Charlie? No more singin' like a boyd for old Shorty..."

Charlie: "...now look, I had nuttin' to do wit' that!"

Joey: "Sure Charlie, sure."

Charlie: "Say just wait a minute there, whaddabout the funeral? The whole of the neighbourhood was there and if Kid Lombardi wasn't layin' in that casket just who was?

Joey: "Oh, some stiff fished outta the East River."

Charlie: "And Mrs Lombardi? Could you do that to your own muddah?!?!?"

* voice from behind Charlie*

Little Old Lady: "Oh don't worry about me, Charles, this whooooole thing... *removes wig*... was my idea."

Charlie: "Father Flotsky!"

Meanwhile at the script meeting:

Director: "Right. I got a few problems with this goddamned script. First of all there was an open casket at Joey's funeral, how in holy hell do we explain that? I mean if the whole of the neighbourhood was there surely someone would have noticed it was just some random bum lying in the coffin?"

Screenwriter #1: "Ah, who said it was just some random bum?"

Director: "OK...right. Not some random bum. I'm liking it. I'm liking it. I can see where you're going there... I think?"

Screenwriter #2: "Don't worry, CJ , we can work something up for you tonight, have it in your trailer by tomorrow morning."

Director: "OK, I'll let that ride. Next, what's happened to Johnny? I liked that guy!"

Screenwriter #2: "Uhhhhhhhh. Can you field this one, Myron?"

Screenwriter #3: "Yah, the thing is, CJ, Johnny is scheduled to make a surprise entrance later in the..."

Director: "... another surprise entrance? Goddamn it, we've already had the Kid springing back from the grave, not to mention Father Flotsky, who's next, that little schmuck, Shorty? And while we're on the subject of Father Flotsky, didn't he used to be Mayor Flotsky?"

Screenwriter #4: "But CJ, he was Father Flotsky at the start of the script.... uh, wasn't he?"

Director: "He may well have been but sure as eggs is eggs he was goddamned Mayor Flotsky when he was shot at the goddamned Kitty Cat Club! Jesus H. Christ, this script has more holes in it than Mayor stroke Father Flotsky!"

Screenwriter #1: "I think I've got it: 'Father Flotsky, a simple neighbourhood priest who, thanks to his selfless work with kids growing up in the slums of the Lower Eastside, rose to become Mayor?'"

Director: "He had a wife and kids, Nussbaum, explain to me that one!"

Screenwriter #2: "Twin brother?"

Director: "No!"

Screenwriter #3: "Twin sister!"

Director: "You're fired!"

Grown ups drinking big glasses of milk

just havin' you on a bit

Euphemistic cursing ("jeez louise!"), made into an art form by WC Fields.

saying "good morning" to mean "goodbye"

Grown ups drinking big glasses of milk
otm. Especially when said glasses have a luminous glow, as if there were a lightbulb within.

carrying poisoned (?) milk up staircases

Close up of a gun in a bag/drawer, accompanied by ominous string swell.

An extremely low bodycount by today's standards.

studio system-related notices in the credits, e.g. "miss gardner appears with kind permission from metro-goldwyn-mayer studios"

"costumes by edith head"

''But that would mean that you ---''
''Uh huh!''
''And him ---''
''That's right, Johnny.''
''...I must be dreamin'!'' (faints, others catch him, laughter)

"Gorblimey, ain't you a sight for sore eyes and no mistake!"

Ah new thread, bear with me...

Bad guy with accent quoting "your marvelous poet Shakespeare."

Hahaha, that one never gets old.

"That's a load of bunk and you know it"

"You can't chisel me out a dollar, sister"

The proper stance for shooting a pistol is to stand sideways and move your other arm completely behind your back in a very exaggerated way.

"Say, Jimmy, I think your imagination's getting away from you! Sure, the Professor's a little eccentric - but who wouldn't be, stranded out here by himself for so long?"

thought of this thread the other day when i saw an old episode of mister ed where somebody says "oh, a wise guy, eh?"

*whistles* "She sure is a beaut!"

Watching Scarlet Street. Has a lot of these.

"Remember back when we were kids in the old neighborhood, Smitty?" There's always an old neighborhood.

While being arrested/dragged away/shunned: "Don't listen to him -- he's crazy, I tell ya!"

One of the cars in the car chase has random body parts fall off after hitting a pothole, speedbump, or because they took a turn too fast.

...and then if said car is wrecked, we later see the passengers fixed up with neckbraces, arms in slings, and bandage wraps on heads.

Car crash itself is pokey and unspectacular as Model A gently veers onto dirt shoulder; sound effects and quick cuts to those in car throwing arms in front of faces stand in for excitement.

Either:

1. "THE END" appears and that is the actual end of the film
2. 100s of film crew ignored in closing credits

^ excellent, though 100s of film crew, including many of the cast, are routinely ignored in the opening credits too.

oh and after the stars, one title card stuffed with all the other actors making it unreadable

Lots of actors in credits with only an initial for their first name.
Substitute that for just a last name in old French films.

"Miss (big name actress) appears courtesy of (big name movie studio)"

(Performer)'s Wardrobe by (famous designer)

Something momentous happens - the dam bursts, the President shoots the Pope, the moon explodes. Montage of politicians, generals, and people in the street establishes that this has the whole city/nation/world spellbound. Cut to a shot of a newspaper, with blaring headline and 1-2 other stories directly responding to this nightmarish development - but, oddly, the remaining columns are still filled with "Tax Board OKs County Plan" and "Aluminum Dealers Conference Kicks Off."

Lol

https://hugelolcdn.com/i/362930.png

inappropriate cigarette smoking/drinking