Blue Saturday

just rushed to the non-Prem thread to celebrate lol

had a drink a couple of weeks ago but was too embarrassed to admit it. got it back under control i hope. problem is finding it hard to care. sobriety doesn't make my head better or the world better, both are fucked forever. i just can't afford the alternative. been thinking about evaporating or popping like a bubble, or wasting away in my own little cell. tapped out. useless.

aw shit got an appointment with occ health, better go front.

what is it about being unable to take good advice? laziness? stubbornness? unconscious desire to be doomed? don't even know what character traits are or where they come from or how you change them tbh but maybe that's down to lalalala not listening or not trying i dunno circularity

feel like i'm constructing a How Not To manual

best wishes NV

laziness? stubbornness? unconscious desire to be doomed?

feeling this quite a lot tbh

^

howaya btw

nood have you read infinite jest?

i've always assumed i won't like DFW

have u read tuesdays with morrie

me too! however, i was persuaded to try it and it is excellent. i think you will find it has a good amount of nutritious Food For Thought, plus it is almighty long which was an hour-filling boon for myself personally.

i keep thinking i'll end up reading him at some point, can't hardly stick to anything at the moment tho, am mostly flitting between the Koran and The Grifters

what is it about being unable to take good advice? laziness? stubbornness? unconscious desire to be doomed? don't even know what character traits are or where they come from or how you change them tbh but maybe that's down to lalalala not listening or not trying i dunno circularity

not the first two, i don't think. i'm imagining that you offer good advice as well. horrible irony of knowing but not being able to do seems somehow significant?

have u read tuesdays with morrie

― rust in pieces (darraghmac), Thursday, April 11, 2013 7:11 AM

i have

morrie dies

alright, anyway. good vibes to all itt

pondering today: speed dating, cherry blossom, dead pubs, the city in sunshine, being a ghost haunting the ruins of a dying country, retirement to Japan, sleep, my own fecklessness.

oh, and the church, nearly fell into the hands of the C of E but i'm with Stephen Dedalus on choosing the consistent lie if i've got to swallow one at all

i will retire to an ozu apartment in niigata prefecture one day

i'm looking for a churchy alternative and i've only come up with humour, which i'm trying to make kindly when i can but it has tended to dilute the effect tbph

http://www.lowgate.org.uk/

this is a beautiful church but i don't think i shd mistake loving architecture and history for loving Jesus

The CoE requires that you have opinions about Jesus now? When did that happen?

otm, i mean ffs it's the main benefit of your lot

that church's postcode hu11 aa is like the personalized numberplate of postcodes

i watched these kids last night

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2498_ztVGh8

got no sound at work so don't know if this is the piece they played called "Spill the Beans" but they were hugely entertaining and life-affirming.

i am v much on an upturn this week - combination of perspective, better weather, keeping my shit together and having the inkling of a long term goal i think. thank god for Spring basically.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2498_ztVGh8

that one should embed, dammit

Happy days

an anti-malarial programme conducted by the US Army in the far east during the Second World War. The ‘natives’ were shown posters with blown-up images of mosquitoes and spray equipment for insecticide. Upon later enquiring why there [sic] technologies had not been put into use, the clan chief replied: 'because we do not have any mosquitoes that big'

an anti-malarial programme conducted by the US Army in the far east during the Second World War. The ‘natives’ were shown posters with blown-up images of mosquitoes and spray equipment for insecticide. Upon later enquiring why there [sic] technologies had not been put into use, the clan chief replied: 'because we do not have any mosquitoes that big'

Visit a heritage site as someone else. Go as a Russian (unless you are, in which case it’s a
Fijian for you). Go as a psychotherapist, or as an inebriated Health and Safety inspector. Adopt
an imaginary ‘historic’ character and look at the site with borrowed curiosity. If you like to act up,
talk to each other in the accent or jargon of that ‘someone else’. Send yourself a postcard from
the site, written and signed by your alter ego. I once left an answerphone message for myself
from the free phones at the Goonhilly Satellite Earth Station, forgot I had, and was pleasingly
spooked a fortnight later when I picked it up and failed to recognise my own voice.

hemerologies and parapegmata

http://www.oocities.org/dougoxleg/liver1.gif

http://www.pakhomov.com/parapegma_r.gif

http://www.globatron.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/original_sin.gif

v. tired of sleeping alone. don't want to be with anybody just for the sake of not sleeping alone. stuck in the middle of those poles with no visible lines of flight. ghosting along all vegetal, almost content.

not really sure about goal-oriented thinking. don't think it's all that, to be honest. which makes a lot of everyday interactions weird.

end up discussing smart targets at work feel dirty

it's hard not to look at civilization as pretty inept sometimes. too many adverts or something. too many realists. gahhh feel grubby and inept too. waste of something something.

i haven't seen the movie field of dreams but i gather the idea is that the guy is inspired to build a baseball diamond so that ghosts of old legends will come and play in it, possibly? anyway, the reason i was thinking about it was that it seems like a nice albeit hollywood example of a purely unproductive pursuit, as a counterbalance to the mundanely relentless insistence on productivity in workaday life. like to have a project to dedicate yourself to, but in particular one that is as ludicrously nonsensical or just pointless as you can stand, i feel like that would be hugely therapeutic.

yeah i've sometimes pondered making a vast coherent metaphysical system just for the sake of never telling anybody about it

Here's a tiny idea: let's make dumbifying pop culture. Here's a big idea: let's rebuild enterprise, commerce, and democracy. See the pt?

i see the pt, let's make dumbiying pop culture except it's not a commodity

Just ftr field of dreams turns out to be a paean to the special little flower entrepreneur who ignores all sensible advice to go ahead with a nonsense projec, in the end a shitload of ppl turn up from nowhere for no reason to give him bundles of cash. Horatio Alger myth but subtly tailored to be even less practical

i get yr point but i worry about this lol special little flowers lately, seems like the alternative is "stfu drone and get back to yr treadmill"

like "sorry i'm not pulling my weight on Pirate Galley Earth, i will brush up my can-do attitude and get right back to it"

more flowers less vegetables i dunno

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_A_User's_Manual

Between World War I and II, a tremendously wealthy Englishman, Bartlebooth (whose name combines two literary characters, Herman Melville's Bartleby and Valery Larbaud's Barnabooth), devises a plan that will both occupy the remainder of his life and spend his entire fortune [...] Ultimately, there would be nothing to show for 50 years of work: the project would leave absolutely no mark on the world.

i've been meaning to read that for years but didn't really know that's what the plot was?

anyway let me tell you about special magic baseball pitch building guy and his hard-working neighbours. they all died.

I remember hearing a paper about someone in an asylum, maybe early 20th century, who would use her shit and other rubbish she could find to make these massive complicated machines that did nothing but operate within themselves. Let's see you film that, Costner.

Bartlebooths thousands

Can't remember if I've just massively spoilered it or things become clear early on. Either way 'plot' is a bit misleading iirc, it's a rich non linear tapestry of themes & characters. Man.

Just fucking reading can be ludicrously time consuming and entirely unproductive tbh.

ah right the paper I was half-remembering was on Heinrich Anton Müller

http://www.indexpage.nl/pics/heinrich_anton_muller_big.jpg

xp

yeah i like that about it, have to wrestle with my inner protestant schoolkid that keeps wanting to learn tho

sometimes i think architecture might be the only decent human cultural product but then i think how much of it is rank

Good punditry is the pinnacle