Feminist Theory & "Women's Issues" Discussion Thread: All Gender Identities Are Encouraged To Participate

cool playlist! http://open.spotify.com/user/mordys/playlist/2aDGjZ24XJy22Q4gIiSd7l

this issue has bothered me increasingly & i've not found much in the way of thoughtful writing that i could get down w/, so i particularly appreciate it.

It's just a hyperbolic microcosm of all the hostile and fucked up ways we talk about women in our culture more generally

i think this is true, but then "oh it's just particularly hyperbolic sexism" doesn't seem like a winning defense. anyway, that article is otm to a rare degree regardless.

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http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:n91yr2yH7jsJ:pantograph-punch.com/eat-it-up-and-lay-wit-it-hip-hop-cunnilingus-and-morality-in-entertainment/+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us

that 404 thing's happening to me with every page on the site, weird.

it's an excellent piece - it's good to see the "we’re allowed to enjoy problematic things but that doesn't mean pretending the problematic shit doesn't exist" t-bomb getting more air (plus, who doesn't want more cunnilingus jamz).

Nothing new here, but it's goof to see it getting talked about http://www.pbs.org/speak/speech/prejudice/women/

http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/04/report-denying-men-sex-is-like-child-neglect.html

good lord

“After reading online that women are turned on by men who do housework, he washed the dishes and vacuumed more often. ‘It didn't change anything,’ says the web designer and food blogger, now 30, who lives in West Jordan, Utah.”

It didn't change anything except your house was cleaner and your wife got an extra hour a week not picking up after your sorry ass.

"For some men, sex may be their primary way of communicating and expressing intimacy," says Justin Lehmiller, a Harvard University social psychologist who studies sexuality. Taking away sex "takes away their primary emotional outlet."

Lehmiller added, "Oh my god, I'm cumming! UNNNNNNNNNNH"

For some men

..with the emotional age of a needy five-year-old

how many five-yea-olds do you know who communicate through sex and why haven't you called the police yet

I doubt the baby has any comprehension of what's going on (do babies even see that far?), so nothing wrong with it.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, December 5, 2005 5:58 AM (7 years ago) Bookmark

xxpost djp you're killing it.

oddly enough, these men were still capable of emoting by throwing tantrums

I'm too busy being a man to figure out how to express myself using my words

it must be hard being only able to experience emotion with your dick

that's backwards

(to experience emotion with your dick, it must be hard)

all those years learning how to use morse code with my penis, and now you're telling me I have to converse using speech?

"For some men, sex may be their primary way of communicating and expressing intimacy," says Justin Lehmiller

"Then again," he continues, "it may not. Before we can decide this question, it would be important to locate 'some men'. I don't intend to put myself to that much trouble, but I suggest it as an exercise for the reader."

leading scientists agree: the human male is an emotionally stunted and fragile thing. so much so that he will completely fall apart if denied nookie by the wife-mom assigned to support him. therefore, it is every woman's duty as a vagina holder to provide the sex whenever baby might happen to shake his rattle.

morse code rattle

it is every woman's duty as a vagina holder to provide the sex whenever baby might happen

just wanted to quote this totally out of context

carry on

...---...

x-post

penis sending smoke signals.jpg

when woman denies a man sex can pig feel more?

all I got from that was man sex pig and then I loled

penis sending smoke signals.jpg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDcQJ-U4nRM

leading scientists agree: it is a vagina-holder's duty to provide sex whenever Man desires it, as he has structured his life so as not to receive the usual feel-good neurochemicals from such inconveniences as making pleasant conversation, receiving compliments, or hugging, and can only receive them from vagina access

however, in no event should Man be expected to provide Vagina-Holder with the feel-good neurochemicals she may expect from pleasant conversation, compliments, or hugging - these are all disgusting unmanly concepts and should never be expected in the context of a relationship

on the "what do you call your S.O." thread I was going to make a terrible "penis sheath" joke which I'm now especially glad I didn't do in the face of someone literally treating his wife like a penis sheath

he will completely fall apart if denied nookie by the wife-mom

nookieproofed

[Esther Perel, a marriage therapist and author of Mating in Captivity, says.]

Someone should go through the whole thing and switch the gender of all pronouns/nouns to see what that looks like. Something tells me it looks even more unpublishable than this piece of crap.

i haven't (and won't! read this too closely) but i do feel like having not having sex for a year (!) after a miscarriage (!!) are A Real Problem tho

yeah I agree, it's really the framing of the issue that's the problem

solution obviously to guilt woman into having sex

like i get the feeling that "give your husband the pussy you frigid uppity so-and-so" is these folks' answer to, like, what to do about a cracked driveway. it's not actually particular to what they're going thru.

still, they seem to have come out of it happier somehow.

they kind of buried the lede in that:
- They're Mormon
- They didn't have sex until marriage, meaning they might have traditional Mormon ideas about sex and birth control
- Having sex linked directly to impregnation in their minds, which reminds her of miscarriage more than anything else

Trying to dress it up as "men communicate with sex" is completely irresponsible when that is obviously not true, as presumably dude either dated or at least talked to adult women he had an interest in pre-marriage without sex.

tbf though, sometimes one person in a relationship gets stuck on the no-sex tip, and the only way to break that ice is just to make oneself have sex. I think even Dan Savage says something to that effect, he just doesn't dress it up in all this bullshit about there being something particularly male about needing/wanting to have sex.

Breaking the ice is definitely necessary, expressing it as weight on the partner who doesn't want to have sex because she had a miscarriage isn't.

I mean, dude could have said "You are beautiful and I want to do what it takes to make you comfortable with sex, which I view as vital to our relationship" instead of "Why don't you like me?"

surprised they didn't just go with "yes, there's air in there, and yes, he breathes through his penis"

whole thing sounds too close to "If you really loved me, you'd have sex with me" which is what your friend Sarah's douchebag boyfriend in high school kept saying because he wanted to get laid

the main thing i think it buries is that it really is all about communication-- man feels discontented within marriage, tries various passive-aggressive ways of changing the things he wants changed, like making up a list of times it happens or doing the housework in the hope she will magically get a hint, or indeed just asking for the thing he thinks is missing but in a way that she doesn't relate to, and it's only when finally he manages to find words to say what he's feeling (when you aren't willing to have sex with me it feels like you don't love me) that they're able to change anything.

like, for me the moral of this story is not "ladies! your man is a delicate plant who needs sex like sunlight" it is "this dude did not know how to talk to his wife but when he worked out how to do it it seems she was pretty willing to listen"

he couldn't find the words to communicate because she wouldn't let him use his only form of communication

what a horrible catch-22

while I agree with you in sentiment, mh, saying stuff like

"You are beautiful and I want to do what it takes to make you comfortable with sex" is rarely a much more successful approach to turning someone on ime than "waah why don't you like me" especially when they are going through more serious issues. Miscarriage is a serious thing, but a year is also a long time, and at some point these things can become self-perpetuating. Ultimately c sharp major otm -- what they needed to do was talk about it in a direct way. Communication is better than sensitivity sometimes.

But obv the "THOG MAN NO TALK WORDS. ONLY TALK SEX" is nonsense.

whole thing sounds too close to "If you really loved me, you'd have sex with me" which is what your friend Sarah's douchebag boyfriend in high school kept saying because he wanted to get laid

― Dr. Adorbius (mh), Tuesday, April 23, 2013 4:02 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

fair, but these people are married, it's a little different

true, directness works in relationships sometimes

dude was being passive-aggressive with that line about feeling unloved, if unintentionally