Blue Saturday

my ilx inner voice more of a bore than a dick, harder to fix. oh wait is that me being a dick to myself? shit.

Think the point of my inner voice is to be the resource of considerations/sounding board/avenues i dont get from friends, ms mac, family. ilx probably closest alright, in the absence of idk god

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WXYjm74WFI

Is this the place to check in when you're bored and lonely and a little bit drunk? Family are on holiday for the weekend and my mates are all out at some Gilles Peterson thing tonight which I missed all the tickets for. So here I am on Easter Sunday with a bottle of vodka and Tusk on cd. I could have sworn it wasn't meant to be like this

yeah, Sundays are bad enough at the best of times but the bank holiday just adds an extra layer of numbness to the air. i dunno if anything was meant to be like this but you keep plodding thru cos the alternative sucks, maybe skip "Walk a Thin Line" or something, we'll all hang in there together

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMRX6Wnvn-U

checking in

the bank holiday just adds an extra layer of numbness to the air

^^^ YES, and still another day of this to go. I should be taking this 4 day weekend and using it to get on with some stuff but, pffft fuggedaboutit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvIW2mnVWmE

thx for beautiful tunes guys.

counting positives: got a bunch of washing done, cooked myself actual food, kept Hannah's goldfish alive, will be with the kids again in 2 days time.

thinking hard about why i've fucked up so much of my life is the first step to not making the same fuck-ups in future, i guess. or maybe in the big scheme of things fucking-up is in the eye of the up-fucker.

^^^^
the last part of your sentence- a zen fortune cookie

Gluck all

reflecting on my squandered double-length weekend, the unknown quantity of my new boss-to-be who starts tomorrow, my fear of other people or is it just myself, possible causes of my current stomach cramps

best wishes NV and other blue bank holidayers

i've wasted a whole week if it's any consolation :)
and i'm gonna spend most of this one at mom and dad's :/

Counting down the minutes till I can go back to bed tbh

i'm on a washing tear today and yesterday, which only goes to show how much i needed to do. the house is like a little oven cos it's the only way to get stuff dry. i'll settle for a point at St Andrew's and a cheeky takeaway for tea tbh.

Wolves are 1-0 up!

just rushed to the non-Prem thread to celebrate lol

had a drink a couple of weeks ago but was too embarrassed to admit it. got it back under control i hope. problem is finding it hard to care. sobriety doesn't make my head better or the world better, both are fucked forever. i just can't afford the alternative. been thinking about evaporating or popping like a bubble, or wasting away in my own little cell. tapped out. useless.

aw shit got an appointment with occ health, better go front.

what is it about being unable to take good advice? laziness? stubbornness? unconscious desire to be doomed? don't even know what character traits are or where they come from or how you change them tbh but maybe that's down to lalalala not listening or not trying i dunno circularity

feel like i'm constructing a How Not To manual

best wishes NV

laziness? stubbornness? unconscious desire to be doomed?

feeling this quite a lot tbh

^

howaya btw

nood have you read infinite jest?

i've always assumed i won't like DFW

have u read tuesdays with morrie

me too! however, i was persuaded to try it and it is excellent. i think you will find it has a good amount of nutritious Food For Thought, plus it is almighty long which was an hour-filling boon for myself personally.

i keep thinking i'll end up reading him at some point, can't hardly stick to anything at the moment tho, am mostly flitting between the Koran and The Grifters

what is it about being unable to take good advice? laziness? stubbornness? unconscious desire to be doomed? don't even know what character traits are or where they come from or how you change them tbh but maybe that's down to lalalala not listening or not trying i dunno circularity

not the first two, i don't think. i'm imagining that you offer good advice as well. horrible irony of knowing but not being able to do seems somehow significant?

have u read tuesdays with morrie

― rust in pieces (darraghmac), Thursday, April 11, 2013 7:11 AM

i have

morrie dies

alright, anyway. good vibes to all itt

pondering today: speed dating, cherry blossom, dead pubs, the city in sunshine, being a ghost haunting the ruins of a dying country, retirement to Japan, sleep, my own fecklessness.

oh, and the church, nearly fell into the hands of the C of E but i'm with Stephen Dedalus on choosing the consistent lie if i've got to swallow one at all

i will retire to an ozu apartment in niigata prefecture one day

i'm looking for a churchy alternative and i've only come up with humour, which i'm trying to make kindly when i can but it has tended to dilute the effect tbph

http://www.lowgate.org.uk/

this is a beautiful church but i don't think i shd mistake loving architecture and history for loving Jesus

The CoE requires that you have opinions about Jesus now? When did that happen?

otm, i mean ffs it's the main benefit of your lot

that church's postcode hu11 aa is like the personalized numberplate of postcodes

i watched these kids last night

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2498_ztVGh8

got no sound at work so don't know if this is the piece they played called "Spill the Beans" but they were hugely entertaining and life-affirming.

i am v much on an upturn this week - combination of perspective, better weather, keeping my shit together and having the inkling of a long term goal i think. thank god for Spring basically.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2498_ztVGh8

that one should embed, dammit

Happy days

an anti-malarial programme conducted by the US Army in the far east during the Second World War. The ‘natives’ were shown posters with blown-up images of mosquitoes and spray equipment for insecticide. Upon later enquiring why there [sic] technologies had not been put into use, the clan chief replied: 'because we do not have any mosquitoes that big'

an anti-malarial programme conducted by the US Army in the far east during the Second World War. The ‘natives’ were shown posters with blown-up images of mosquitoes and spray equipment for insecticide. Upon later enquiring why there [sic] technologies had not been put into use, the clan chief replied: 'because we do not have any mosquitoes that big'

Visit a heritage site as someone else. Go as a Russian (unless you are, in which case it’s a
Fijian for you). Go as a psychotherapist, or as an inebriated Health and Safety inspector. Adopt
an imaginary ‘historic’ character and look at the site with borrowed curiosity. If you like to act up,
talk to each other in the accent or jargon of that ‘someone else’. Send yourself a postcard from
the site, written and signed by your alter ego. I once left an answerphone message for myself
from the free phones at the Goonhilly Satellite Earth Station, forgot I had, and was pleasingly
spooked a fortnight later when I picked it up and failed to recognise my own voice.

hemerologies and parapegmata

http://www.oocities.org/dougoxleg/liver1.gif

http://www.pakhomov.com/parapegma_r.gif

http://www.globatron.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/original_sin.gif

v. tired of sleeping alone. don't want to be with anybody just for the sake of not sleeping alone. stuck in the middle of those poles with no visible lines of flight. ghosting along all vegetal, almost content.

not really sure about goal-oriented thinking. don't think it's all that, to be honest. which makes a lot of everyday interactions weird.

end up discussing smart targets at work feel dirty

it's hard not to look at civilization as pretty inept sometimes. too many adverts or something. too many realists. gahhh feel grubby and inept too. waste of something something.