Dear Abbott

Mr. Clovestofu,

I say go for it, then. Extra $400 a month is in no way a piffle.

Yours in flexible advice,

Abbott

agreeded.

now i just need to see if they call me back for second conversation.

Dear Abbott,

Thanks for that advice, my friend is also v busy at work, so that and the cold may be the reasons.

On another topic, I have no idea what job I want to do for the first time in my life. Should I just do something boring or whatever I can get and let time decide for me? Or will that lead to boredom?

Also what is your favourite tea?

Sincerely

LG

Dear Mr. Garda,

Uncertainty about jobs is so common. Soooo fucking common. A boring job will motivate you to figure out what the hell it is you want to do, as I discovered while working 1.5 years at Kinko's (if nothing else, it will at least help you know what you DON'T want to do). Also you will be making money while figuring out what you do want to do, which is good.

My favorite tea is Earl Grey: I have had four glasses of it today.

Yours,

Abbott

oh, one more cuz I'm feeling chatty: have you tried KEN KEN puzzles yet?
I'm getting seriously into it and think i need to get a book of these for moments of subway mindwipe.

Dear Abbott,

I haven't driven for 15 years and I want to re-learn when I move to the US of A. I am a terrible driver because the spatial reasoning bit of my brain seems to be missing but I don't see how else I get to see cool stuff outside cities. Can you either

a) tell me rousing exciting things about your adventures in your cool car (I remember the picture) that will make me want to get on with it or
b) recommend some alternative means of American transport?

Footsoldierly,

Ljubljana

Dear Mr. Clovetofu,

I haven't tried them yet but they look way cool + way better than sudoku. I can't even do sudoku. The reason: in eighth grade algebra, our teacher wld give us 'equation crosswords' for extra credit. They were about 30x30, and you'd solve equations & fill the answer in like a crossword. We discovered we could write any old goddamned numbers and get extra credit – she never actually checked the answers. So now when I see the sudoku grid, I go back to hours of filling out those damn extra credit sheets and can only think to write a random string '0 4 3 8 1 6 6 2 4 0 9 3 5' etc.

KenKen not only looks neater BUT the boxes are not all the same shape so it should be doable for me.

Yours,

Abbott

Dear Ljubljana,

That car (my Cadillac Seville) is no longer with this world (RIP). But this week I am getting an '86 Mercedes-Benz. Hilarious.

The unfortunate thing about 99+% of the United States it is unduly difficult to get around without a car. The fortunate thing is a great, great amount of the cars in the U.S. are automatic transmission: no clutch, no shifting. That means your car basically has a fast button and a slow button. I'm sure you'll get in the knack of it quite easily, especially since you've done it before. Just make sure to guard yourself against idiot drivers, and please be respectful of pedestrians.

Driving is fun and you'll enjoy it.

Yours Americanly,

Abbott

You'll get no extra credit but Will Shortz will think you're cool and that counts for a lot.
Give it a try: http://www.kenken.com/playnow.html

Dear Abbott,

A friend of mine just gave me a button featuring a picture of Phil Spector, specifically, the fairly recent picture of him in court with the huge 'fro. Seeing as how I am huge fan of the man's music but basically think he's a totally loathsome shitbag who in all likelihood murdered that poor woman, it seems wearing this button would be kinda tasteless. Otoh, it is a very funny picture... What do you think?

Thanks,
Shakey

For example: with an automatic, you can stick your left foot out the window while driving and chewing on a big piece of licorice root.

xxp

wow hey I had a '76 Cadillac Seville once too... what a beast that was

Dear Mr. Mo Collier,

It depends who will probably see it. People who hate Phil Spector? People who find him to be lols (in a bittersweet way)? Or – most significantly – people who have no idea who the crap he is? That would mean you'd have to explain the whole thing alla time, which could get depressing and complicated.

At any rate, is is 438x better than wearing a GG Allin pin.

Yours,

Abbott

I will use this as a visualisation exercise. xxxp

bla bla bla bla bla
― Ages 8 to 80

SUGGEST BAN

Tuesday, February 10, 2009 5:24 PM Site Ages 8 to 80 has been banned permanently.

Whoa. I think I may have special powers!

Dear Abbott,

Did you ever think you had special powers?

Dear ZS,

We've all known you've had special powers for ages.

I think the only special power I have is to make the left speaker in a stereo break within a week of me getting it.

Yours monaurally,

Abbott

I have to say that your power will probably not come in handy very often. But someday, mark my words, some villain will be in a situation where her only hope is your left speaker, installed within the last week. And you'll just laugh and laugh and laugh, because you'll know you can break that speaker whenever you want.

Thank you Abbott, i will try all of them apart from the sleep thing as i can't sleep at all.

you're a star x

wait chaki was banned...?

Flaming psychopaths tend to be, yah.

huh

was not aware of flaming psychopath tendencies

I would like to see your retarded van.

Yours,

retarded Abbott-van

― i'm shy (Abbott), Tuesday, February 10, 2009 3:22 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3428/3293079179_29dd951f30.jpg

omg <3

omg <3

also

Dearest Mr. Rags,

Sure, and yes.

Yours in morbid dental fascination,

Abbott

― i'm shy (Abbott), Tuesday, February 10, 2009 3:45 PM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark

Couldn't get a good pic while it was still in my mouf. Sorry. But click!

i have not been to a dentist in probably 10 years

How much weed is too much weed? Like, what is a non-abberational pot habit?

^^^
Sincerely,
"crunked in cruces"

Dearest Oilyrags,

http://www.midmar.com/xmasHomeAlone1.jpg

!!!!!!!!

Dearest the Viceroy,

Weed is okay every other day. Abstaining on alternating days for bedroom and social purposes is a kindness to others.

TMI board, people

The "snap" it made when the broke the crown off from the root was pretty amazing.

yow!

dear abbott,

what music did you play at your wedding/while walking down the 'aisle'? what was on your shortlist of music to play at this event?

<3

"let's get married" -- boner jamz

>The "snap" it made when the broke the crown off from the root was pretty amazing.

massive lolz 4 this...

not that I mind, but what's so funny?

I think if I smoked weed with Abbott, I'd teleport into another dimension or something. It's kindof scary to think about.

Describe your favorite apocalyptic scenario plz.

Favorite?

abbs

have u ever owned pets plz describe their names and temperments ty

hoos

Dearest Hoos,

God, you wanted a short novel or what?

Age 5:

Jojo the turtle. We took a family trip to Kentucky and we picked the turtle up off a road there. He was a nice little guy. I drew a lot of pictures & wrote many stories & comics about him. A car ran over him after a few months.

Age 6:

Biscuit, a nice pomeranian mix dog who was fluffy and white. She was affable and loved to roll around in freshly cut grass, giving her fur a greenish tint. We had her for 9 months, got rid of her when we moved (lord knows why).

Mrs. Frisby, a mouse. I got her from my first grade teacher, who had a class pet mouse that made a lot of babies and was also named Mrs. Frisby. The mouse escaped.

Nicodemus, another mouse from my first grade teacher. It ran away too. My parents said I couldn't have any more mice.

Age 7:

I wanted a dog but my parents would only let us get cats.

Max, a manx cat who was white with a grey butt, grey nose and grey ears. He hopped like a bunny when he ran. He was a neat and funny cat, but I was kind of bitter bcz he would never sleep with me or pay much attention to me specifically. He ran away.

Roman was a very nice tortie kitten who got ran over in two days. I found his squashed, oozing body & he was still alive & screaming in pain. I convinced my dad to take Roman to the vet to get him put down instead of drowning him. The vet did it for free. I didn't go to school the next day, I was so sad. My parents quit letting me have cats.

Age 10:

Jasper, a small desert lizard. He was pretty boring. He just sat on his heat rock. He escaped, too. They're fast motherfuckers. That thing where their tails flip out after breaking off: I can see why that is a great defense mechanism. It's jarring as hell.

Oscar, a hermit crab. He lived in Jasper's old cage. He died after 3 days on Thanksgiving. I had difficulty feeling sad, but I did feel like a shithead with some kind of pet-killing curse.

Age 12:

Two tabby cats, Orville and Wilbur. They were cuddle kitties to the max. Orville got locked in a grain silo & was cooked to death. Wilbur was so funny. He could climb ladders. One time he adopted some stray kittens and tried to nurse them and everything. It was incredible. He was around for two lovely years until he crawled into my dad's warm truck engine & died when the car started.

Age 13:

A black moor goldfish named Shelby. He only had one eye! I adopted him from someone whose other fish had attempted to kill it. His fins were ragged, too, but those grew back. He lived for two years and was a point of pride for me, this homely little fish. When he died, I played "In My Room" by the Beach Boys on repeat because we spent a lot of time together in my room.

Age 15:

Alice and Sylvia, two black and white rats. They weren't as sociable as I'd hoped, meaning not at all. I think they'd been at the pet store a long time when I got them. Our relationship was: I'd clean the cage and try not to get bitten. I gave them to a friend eventually, who was happier with them than I was.

Part two, pets of my adulthood, soon to come!

poor abbott's pets ;_;

The same thing that happened to your Wilbur happened to one of my cats (which I had sadly and appropriately named "Blender").

Oh dear!

I have lots of horrific pet stories too...I thought about starting a thread but it would just be a horror show thread.

One of my biggest worries is: what if my dog dies? I would be inconsolable. I am going to go pet my dog right now.

i constantly worry about my cats dying. they are getting a little old (10 and 8 yrs old) and although i have had cats my whole life pretty much, i have never had one die, due to moving every few years and leaving them behind (this sounds bad but these were international moves that would have required quarantining pets).

My dog is 14, and still chipper as hell - if only for 45 min a day. She then sleeps the rest of the time.

Weed is okay every other day. Abstaining on alternating days for bedroom and social purposes is a kindness to others.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^.