Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"You're just using that gun to compensate for a small penis."

"Don't point that gun at me. I didn't remove that section of wall with the Banksy piece on it."

"I'm a cat. I don't have any money."

"I know that Blue Peter is trying to be more 'street', but you're not going to pass the audition like this."

"Your names not down you're not coming in. And I've got a gun. And you're clearly to big to get through the door."

"A gun doesn't make you a big man, Stuart."

"I used to have a sawn-off shotgun, but it was too big to be practical."

"Calm down, I just want to see the big cheese."

"This aint Florida, buddy."

"it would be easier to pun on this situation if you had a musket rather than a revolver."

"ok, so we talk".

"Who are you, Snoop Mousy Mouse?"

(narrating) "For a second I totally forget about Tyler's whole controlled demolition thing, and I wonder how clean that gun is."

"Given the relative sizes of both the gun and the skirting board, we must both be enor-mouse!"

"Don't be stupid kid. Nine lives, six shots, you do the maths"

^ good one

Nine lives, six shots, you do the math

leave it at that and that's the winner imo

Ha i fuckin knew the maths would need yankeed

and the first part, too! you do the hard work, and we whittle it down to the purest expression

I bow to the decision of the committee

"ok, so we talk".

yes

a+++ dn dmac

Yeah, slept on imo tbph

Does anyone actually enter these into the competition?

For the "tall picture frame on desk" cartoon, the New Yorker's picked these three for the vote:

"Damn, I loved that giraffe."

"It's my extended family."

"I love her. And she can dunk."

All of these are unbelievably weak. The one about the three kids in a coat upthread is a million times better.

Threadstarter pushed to pin of collar, world watches

Can i just say that the new yankee workshop is the best

^^it really is, love that show

"i am open to negotiation"

"And from now on you want to be called big stuart? I, I got no problem with that"

"I will barf up your wife for 4 cat bucks"

Once Upon a Time in An American Tail

9 lives, 6 shots otm!

"easy buddy, i'm just looking for the canary."

"go on, make one more peter sellers joke. i dare you."

"still feel lucky, cat?"

"boy, those fur trappers really disrupted traditional economic relations."

"squeak." "meow." "squeak squeak." "meow."

"I admit it was I who moved your cheese."

awesome.

Y^^

"I don't remember there being a gun in the board game Mousetrap..."

"With me around, there'll always be a bowl of milk to be found. With me gone, you'll never know what might be poisoned."

Feel like a splicin of the nine lives with dirty harry could do it, eg

"now, i know what you're thinkin. have i four lives left, or only three?" kind of thing

Oh, good idea.
But judging by the finalists for the tall frame one, I expect one would stand a better chance with something like "Eek! A mouse!"

Ya but we have to be true to ourselves

a+ for the dirty harry joke.

its nice to have some fun cartoons to work with after the totally hopeless stuff they were throwing up there for a while.

Amen to that

still really feel like there should be two competitions, one for the "unlock the caption that makes sense of the cartoon" competition that they so clearly enjoy running, and another for a "caption that would actually be in a real new yorker cartoon"

i always aim for "real new yorker"