Blue Saturday

hb imago

happy birthday imago!

Ya hb

sobriety appears to involve staying awake til 5am at the moment. ho hum. am coffeeing up.

doctor in the hospital reminded me i was obese. resisted urge to point out i was giving up alcohol and nicotine and maybe i'd let the diet slide for a couple of fucking weeks while i dealt with that. health pros - never fucking satisfied eh?

feel obese and tired and up and down like the proverbial bride's nightie.

5am isnt such a bad time as long as you dont need to think during the day

nah it makes me crankier, meaner, clumsier and more vulnerable to an attack of the stupids iirc.

agree that i am delightfully without thought tho.

Hmmm tbh idk could i survive without exhibiting that list of traits constantly

gonna be another day of reading Revolution of Everyday Life on the sly while i try to look busy, maybe pick the odd random fight on here.

was gonna read Getting Things Done but Vaneigem is loads funnier.

plus, y'know, layer on layer of meta-irony.

any good books on picking up chicks when you're obese and avoiding the pub, somebody let me know

does this sound mopey? i dunno, i'm laughing tbh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooHSDg5kkw4

You could see what mary coughlan's doing with herself

really hope you mean the singer

Oh

seems like beggars can be choosers after all huh

i don't mess with no politicians

actually the list of careers and lifestyle choice i don't mess with is hilariously and unrealistically long.

aslo who am i kiddering?

Roahld dahl autobiography title

feel a bit shit and weepy today. still not sleeping properly, function thru a lot of the day, start nodding when i have to sit quietly and listen to something, go home ready for bed, hit this weird zombie mode where i just don't go to bed until gone 3.

can't bear to look at myself in the mirror. hate how i look, everything.

not drinking. no real desire either. meds or something inside me doing something right.

pathetic inability to come to terms with my own age.

bleak outside, bleak inside, ugly scruffy lump of

gonna carry on

perhaps you need to hit rock bottom, the league one of the soul, before reality can seem a treasure

Noodle <3

tbf if i was 15 again i cd just type "FML" and be done

Booze makes the moment endurable but does nothing for the moments that come after that. Sobriety, otoh, is all about the long game. Sure you don't like the way things are right now but there's a lot more nows ahead and they are going to be different. I don't know how to rewrite this sentiment in football manager-ese but someone else can surely step in.

"every walk past a pub is a cup tie"

but really, i don't want a drink. which is a bit crap cos it leaves me here.

Right, conscious of everything that's now. It's okay. It's a bit crap but tbh you did let it get that way, you can put it back in order in a little time.

Haha I'm a terrible counselor, I just talk to everyone like they're 6 and didn't clean their room. Sorry.

it's fine. i might as well be 6 and the room needs cleaning.

i've been walking, at least to work. that's good.

i've genuinely felt great all week until today, something in my post-detox support group that niggled at me and then after i caught sight of myself in a bathroom mirror and had a good look and oh the horror

i was trying to walking meditate. i realised i am ass-backwards. i want to get into the world, want it to look realer, less flat. of course trad meditation is about recognising the impermanence. i feel little but.

i hear a lot of birds singing in the morning. they sound pretty awesome right now.

winter just won't fuck off, will it?

perhaps you need to hit rock bottom, the league one of the soul, before reality can seem a treasure

― c'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas le beurre (imago), Friday, 22 February 2013 14:52 (18 minutes ago)

this doesn't reflect how people actually react to adversity

like really why would that be the case? how long does one have to spend looking at flies flitting about freshly laid dogshit before it takes the consistency of seraphim in paradisiac suspension

I know. It was a crass analogy in reference to our respective football support. Perhaps Wolves will escape the drop anyway and we can forget this ever happened.

NV you've been magnificent regardless of the result, 18 months from now you won't be making these basic errors imo

sometimes i just try and badly describe the shape and colour of my angst because it's better than bumping my head up and down on the desk or being a drunken cock. so it's fine to make crass analogies.

...and yes, there is something dismal about the fetishisation of solace quantums amidst the moil - I merely meant that in some obtuse way, the wheel will turn and NV's mental Deano will steer his good ship Molineux to an acceptable oscillation

btw mirrors are a fuckin torture device if you looked at other people the way you do your reflection you'd turn killer overnight imo

Can't offer any particularly useful advice but can offer best wishes and free books. ILXmail me if you're interested in the latter.

how long does one have to spend looking at flies flitting about freshly laid dogshit before it takes the consistency of seraphim in paradisiac suspension

― Like Poto I don't Cabengo (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Friday, 22 February 2013 15:22 (12 minutes ago)

someday you shall stand atop an Alp and all as Aether shall seem

the trouble with fitba metaphors is they become totalizing, the entire world just one extended fitba metaphor, a series of endlessly iterated rearguard actions at deepdale

managing Port Vale on administration money atm and have put together one of the dourest FM teams of my life. 1 home win and 2 away draws so far. beautiful game.

i thought i might have imagined deepdale but no it exists and is the home of preston north end

and a Football League museum or something iirc

Rochdale play at Spotland otoh, which would make a 7/10 Autechre album-title

^^clever little reverse-pass of a post that the defender just about intercepted

http://www.xojane.com/issues/how-not-to-be-a-dick-to-your-fat-friends

this bucked my ideas up a little

don't have time to read that but i imagine rule no. 1 should be:

"if you are 6'0" and 150lbs don't talk about how 'fat' you are in front of your 5'6" 200lb friend"

WTF IS WRONG WITH BEING 5FT 6 AND 200lb YOU DICK

ah fuck

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVqfBuinw7A

iceland blues

People who talk about revolution and class struggle without referring explicitly to everyday life, without understanding what is subversive about love and what is positive in the refusal of constraints, such people have corpses in their mouths.