Craigslist hilarity

http://images.craigslist.org/3Ld3F73M25I35Ee5M2d1v62b9d3bcab821357.jpg

PARTY ORGY IN A BUS (Clintonville)

18+, STD FREE, AND LOOKING TO HAVE FUN? WELL THIS IS YOUR CHANCE FOR THE PARTY OF A LIFETIME. AN ORGY WITH OVER 50+ WOMAN AND MEN INSIDE A PARTY BUS. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ARRIVE AT THE PICKUP LOCATION BEFORE THE PARTY BUS LEAVES PICK UP TIME IS 11:10 INFRONT OF 38 EAST KELSO 43214 CLINTONVILLE ROOM FOR 100 MORE PEOPLE BE THERE FOR THE PARTY OF A LIFE TIME

BUS RIDE IS AN HOUR LONG AND WILL EVENTUALLY ARRIVE AT A DOWNTOWN COLUMBUS CLUB
TO GET A RIDE BACK FROM THE PICKUP LOCATION YOULL HAVE TO WAIT TILL 2:30 AM
THIS IS ALL NSA!!!

loool 50+ woman

boomin granny

1 hr for an orgy?

someone might wanna rehost that image for posterity

"Hilarity" might be overstating, I see this stuff a lot, but "to do personal promblems" cracked me up. Also, invest in a period or two.

we need a full time road musican that can play brent mason stlye guitar picken can also sing lead and backup can play 70-80 funk motown classic and sothern rock that want to play on the road out west and also some weekends also fairs and festavals we need to replace our guitar player as soon as possible to do personal promblems we are not a start up band also have full time sound tech get a hold of me and i will fill in the details thanks alot

... he typed as he literally ran out the door.

haha yes

the bus is coming up the hill and the poster's all 'oh shit oh shit wait i'll just finish this oh crap the bus is here wait wait just typing almost finished there we go can i have a return ticket to ihop please'

guitar player standing right behind me oh shit shit shit he's walking towards me *submit*

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/muc/3632672236.html

2 fem singers sought 4 orig pop rk band. One , background & 1 supporting vocalist . We intend to do 1 show per mo. in NYC. We rehearse 1 x per mo studio & 1 x in an apt.(brooklyn) Supp. singer must be theatrical / campy. We will be getting tv coverage & shooting a video in the springtime. This project will req. very little practice . Depending on you. We are looking for entertaing , energetic & eager . To be part of a team. We need you do learn a 7 song set. 40 mins. Eventually we will get some of your material out there. ****WE SEND THIS TO EVRYONE WE CONTENPLATE DOING BIZ WITH. . Dear Interested party, Some people are dreamers, some are scheamers. Most are wannabees , poseres or pretenders. Most people look back at their lives & think to themselves , ” what happenened to my goals & dreams. They make excuses to themselves. Dismissing their failed dreams to others , that have done them wrong. They blame timing , lack of funds & even their significant others. Please note the three golden rules as to how we treat (supposedly) interested people. 1. Never give the new prospect more time or interest , than they show you , themselves , or your project. Especially in the beginning , at the time when they generally put their best foot forward. 2. Though this is not our original saying , but here goes. “You never get a second chance , to make a first impression.” 3. Last but not least , a quote from the great actor Rod Steiger. “Everybody wants to be famous , but do you have the need to be famous.” After all this is show business folks. So lets all avoid the posers , pretenders and the dilsilusionalists. It saves the genuine people a lot of time , effort , frustration & heartbreak. Thanks for your time, in sharing our shows thoughts with you

IRL LOL at So lets all avoid the posers , pretenders and the dilsilusionalists

Band ads are their own special circle of hilarity on CL anyway. Was thinking of starting a Tumblr just to highlight particularly tragic ones.

e.g.

I am a rapper looking to start a band. Not just any band. One that will create a type of music never heard before. I want to make something completely original with real instruments. Think Pink Floyd meets Kid Cudi meets The Beatles meets Eminem. If anybody out there is interested in doing something like that, please contact me asap and we can get this moving along. Thank you!

Or this:

National hard rock act looking to expand their lineup. Some info on the band....

- Worldwide record deal
- Currently booked for several of the largest U.S. music festivals
- Has performed/toured with many major artists
- Preparing to record a new album

Mainly interested in main rhythm instruments right now, but will audition rhythm guitar or keyboards.

You must:

- Have at least medium-length hair
- Dress like a rockstar
- Have professional gear. Guitars, amplifiers, cymbals...must be pro-grade, pro-size and can be heard over a strong vocalist and lead guitarist.
- Be age 20-30
- Have a car and driver's license
- Be able to support yourself financially
- Want to make this the biggest band in the world

If you do not meet all of the above criteria, do not reply. All emails will be responded to.

This would be a successful tumblr, IMO, especially if the ads were overlaid on comically mismatched photos (perhaps taken from the personals ads).

Doc I will pay u handsomely from my future royalties for that idea.

Want to make this the biggest tumblr in the world

cosign

Single, Male, Professional GUITARIST seeks Single (optional) Female Professional GUITARIST...

...desires LTR, high-fidelity relationship leading to a Gig-iage Made In Heaven !!
***********************************************************************

Any Music...with a blues/jazz/funky feel.......ooh !

FYI, I middle-aged 'n been playin'......long time. Love It Sooooooo Much !!

LTR: Long Term Recording

Shomeuresni'llshoumine......music video, I mean !

http://syracuse.craigslist.org/muc/3627749057.html

Wanna play some grunge? (Syracuse)
Alright, check it out. I'm 28 years old, I play bass, rhythm guitar, and vox. I've been playing and writing for a long fucking time and I've played in enough bands now to know that if you push too hard you'll fall over. I'm done trying to figure out the next best idea or what sound is gonna come back around. I just wanna play some tunes, write some music, and play some shows. My big influences are(in order) grunge, punk, and blues and unfortunately my heart is stuck in the 90s when rock bands where raw and versatile. When music was a product of aggression and emotion not this over processed cookie cutter insert money here crap thats been soaking up the main stream. Also I've got a full p.a. But no practice space and a real good network in this town. So if you wanna play some grunge just because you love it, write some tunes and play some covers, play shows just to play em then get at me. You can email or txt. 315 XXX XXXX if you call I probably won't answer.

the chances of this being someone i knew in high school are WAY too high

The deployment of quote marks throughout here makes me think this one may secretly be a sex thing:

We are a Symphonic Rock band looking for the right female vocalist to be the face of the band. An idea of the sound we are shooting for can be found by searching for Evanesence, Nightwish, Within Temptation, or Epica (minus the screaming) on YouTube.

We are a clean band (no drugs and no drinking 'on' or 'before' practice sessions and shows), and we are looking for ta vocalist with the appeal and skill to take the vocalist position as we drive the genre of Symphonic Metal/Rock locally, and then nationally.

Qualifications:
- You would need to be able to 'practice' and you must NOT be afraid to work.
- You must be able to 'sing'.

***It does not matter to us if you are tenured in the scene or if you new to it. If you have the talent, we want to audition you.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

We should make this an ILX collaborative effort, each pulling from our own local CL sites.

most curious - drinking 'on' or 'before' - what could that..

i was thinking about that, in terms of what cities would be great for mining this sort of thing. i feel like in addition to the obvious places - nashville, say - small cities right on the periphery of big ones are going to be full of this kind of delusion. growing up in upstate ny, there were always a million shitty local singer-songwriters about to go "make it big in nyc," none of whom were ever heard from again

I love the "bands" that are auditioning bass, drums, keys and maybe rhythm guitar, so said "band" is likely one guitar-wanky guy in his mom's basement. But he already has the band name picked out.

When music was a product of aggression and emotion not this over processed cookie cutter insert money here crap thats been soaking up the main stream. Also I've got a full p.a.

most curious - drinking 'on' or 'before' - what could that..

I think he just means be sober when playing, OK to drink after the gig.

SIGNED band in pre- production seeks ,,,,rhythm guitar,,,,bass,,,,piano/keys for
late spring live dates this is a paying gig here is a link check out older music to see of you fit in

http://www.reverbnation.com/artist/index/childrenofperception

http://images.craigslist.org/3Fe3Id3H95G55Fa5M6d2kbfa90b4ae6061981.jpg

wow

sorta feel like the cl ad is the musician at his or her most vulnerable and should not be collated into a tumblr. this after browsing my local cl listings and finding myself liking these dudes, at least from a distance, thinking they do not deserve tumblr ridicule.

London CL ads often seem to be curiously needy, so I get that

HAHAHA holy hell, Posable Colaboration. Are they making action figures?

Setlist better include Bend Me, Shape Me or it's all for nought

Allright, check it out.

http://www.gumtree.com/p/jobs/free-accommodation-perks-for-live-in-personal-assistant/1010917348

D-3DGE has been out of the scene for a few months but now is back!

I am a professional/graduated cellist and singer who decided to create original music in an original way: by singing and playing cello simultaneously!

http://austin.craigslist.org/swp/3665750717.html

SXSW LADIES STAY FREE

That's right! Ladies stay free for SXSW

I'm looking for one to two ladies to stay free during SXSW at my place. This is a simple deal; a free place to stay with many extras, for your services.

Included:

• Recording equipment and instruments
• Free internet and computer access
• Food
• I will provide some transportation as I will be attending SXSW also
• Bus stop is half a block away and goes anywhere in Austin within minutes
• A 6' tall 190 lbs 6% body fat with ripped abs and a musician, for company
• All entertainment appliances

I'm educated, extremely fit, excellent musician, lived in Austin all my life, good job, nice artistic place to stay, and well grounded.

Preferences:

I'm just looking for cool people to hang out with during SXSW.

• Two friends
• Sisters/twins
• One girl is fine too

I'm not a shallow person as this ad may seem. This is really a business deal, a nice way to meet cool people, and have some fun at the same time!

Looking forward to it!

Daniel

this never actually works, does it

• Two friends
• Sisters/twins
• One girl is fine too

and "well grounded", in that I am currently sticking my penis in an electrical socket.

Looking forward to it!

seems to good to be true. whats the catch?

TOO*

• A 6' tall 190 lbs 6% body fat with ripped abs and a musician, for company

this is the most hilarious shit to me

"Welcome! Here's is your body fat and ripped abs as promised, and this is my guitarist buddy Dave. He'll be keeping you company during your stay."

me too, because it makes it sound like you are going to be hanging out with 1) a musician and 2) a 190 lb. slab of body fat with ripped abs

xpost!

I mean don't get me wrong, I would be posting tons of douchey shirtless pictures of myself all over the internet if I was single and had the body for it, but I would at least have coherent creeper text

"Entertainment appliances." Wii/XBox, or vibrators?

yes

also that's a pretty cool mobile bus stop he's got by his place

You just know that when he typed out "twins" he was all "please, please, please..."

he's got his penthouse letter written and ready to send PLZ TWINS MAKE THIS HAPPEN