Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

To the incompetent loudmouth guy: don't tell other people how to do their jobs when a) you're not their fucking manager (or anybody's fucking manager for that matter), b) you have a voice like a garden gate in need of oil, and c) you can't do your own job properly, even with step by step instructions.

To the gobshite who has to give an out-loud running commentary about everything they're doing, thereby disturbing everyone else: SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.

http://www.2dayblog.com/images/2012/december/quotejob.jpg

Please, tell me more about the content of your inbox.

The person in front of me has her phone ringer turned up really loud, and lets it ring a few times before answering. Ringing phones give me anxiety--ANSWER THAT FUCKING THING

mookiproof is this your coworker

http://www.theleakywiki.com/media/k2/items/cache/ad50363b9b3c0e7cd5049a5778e00aff_XL.jpg

did not realize that was so big sorry

lol Captain Drummyhooves.

my co-workers aren't even annoying. I mean there's a couple, but they just strate dicks.

Jesus christ stop contradicting and/or questioning every single fucking thing I tell you - just do it! You don't know better than me! I've been doing this job 4 years and you've been doing it 4 months!

Expressed relief a printout included decimal points because the previous one had rounded values.. my trainer misunderstood me then screamed over my explanations of what I had been saying. Ran into my boss' office and slammed the door. Fuck off. It's been three months now of this crazy bullshit. She's a contract while they find a permanent account manager for me to work with. Feel like I am being initiated or tested or something.. After ten minutes of her yelling at me (!) I told her I didn't have time to argue and put headphones on. Ugh. This will all be worth it some day..

FFM, as far as I can tell you have been a paragon of restraint for not flooding this thread with details of this 'trainer'.

I really need to collect the more amusing anecdotes somewhere! Unfortunately most of it is just annoying bullshit. She started this morning in tears because of a rush job she needed to perform.. which I helped her with, quickly and independently! Then two hours later, I'm the worst person in the world.. I just try to keep my cool and dream of a day when she doesn't sit across from me/manage me.

I broke a pen under my desk the other day while I was trapped in one of her rant feats. :/

mookiproof is this your coworker

nah, too effective

man how is having emotions at work even a thing

other than shame

true story the other day I inadvertently pasted the "Captain Drummyhooves" post into an internal irc channel and it looked in context like I was having a meltdown; my boss sent me a stern email about it but was relieved to hear that I was not actually prone to inappropriately flipping out at people in an important chat channel.

Boss wants everyone to pitch in more with admin tasks
We often need to download software
Boss has just told me off for requesting an admin password for the computers that we can all (small, trustworthy group) use

man how is having emotions at work even a thing

I have emotions everywhere. How can you not?? I guess it's ideal to turn off at work but I don't know if I can do that and not hate what I've become, ie trapped in a fake self. :(

So sorry for everyone else in thread, partic FFM and ljub. Grossssssss.

orbit otm. If I could hang my emotions in the closet with my coats, believe me I would.

I'm going to try to make a whole clean start soon and be relentlessly POSTIVE!!! THAT'S RIGHT, POSITIVE!!! And oh so helpful. Which might be good, on the whole. Maybe acting it will make me feel it, but I still prefer a salty, cranky self.

Man, I love work in such a rage every day that by the time I pick up my wife I am barely coherent. Not having emotions at work? I would have to either not work here or be dead.

captain awesome has now saddled me with an annoying nickname, and just slapped me on the back. he's a nice guy generally but his campaign of forced intimacy is getting a little irritating. he's the type of person who will change his opinion on a dime to match others, which is pretty gross... not so much accomodating other people, but trying to get everyone to like him. think i need to have a chat with him about this nickname.

"HEY BIG DOG HOWS IT GOING!!??? AWESOME DAY TODAY!!! YOU ROCK!" Huge smile, manic gaze, thumbs up. I mean, seems like everyone in the office likes this crap, but I really have no respect for it.

oh god I really feel like I know this guy

When you call him Captain Awesome I think of the guy from the TV show "Chuck."

I used to work with a dude who did the forced nicknames thing; he was one of my favorite ppl in the entire world because he would never just stick with one, so they just became a stream of meaningless identification placeholders that led to the sneaking suspicion that he couldn't remember anyone's name

as an example: it would not be uncommon for him to greet me with "Hey chief! How's it going, buddy? Can you get that project done by tomorrow, champ? Okay dude, talk to you later man!"

He was also a huge ex-football player who was the biggest office crybaby I've ever seen, basically everything about him was a swirling ball of amusing contradictory awesome

I realize this is the thread for annoying coworkers but I miss that dude and I'm annoyed we don't work together anymore

I'm trying to imagine what that ex-coworker must have been like and all I'm picturing is the Cat from Red Dwarf...

"Oooooowwwwww! Hey buddy! What's happening? <James Brown spin> Better check myself in the mirror... <takes out small hand mirror from inside pocket of jacket> Oooooooooowwww! Looking good! OK buddy, I gotta run, catch you later! <exits room>"

remove the Cat's inherent suaveness and replace it with Rimmer's terrified neuroses (without the anal judgment) and you're getting closer

Currently going through a farcical redundancy process where everyone pretty much loses their jobs and has to apply for new ones. The level of care and attention being paid is evident in the fact that one of the job descriptions includes "reviewing psecialise dictonaroes".

First, I'm sorry that you are going through a redundancy process, which is never pleasant however farcical.

Second, LOL what?

Thanks!

I'm assuming "specialist dictionaries" but who the heck knows at this point.

It's like half pigeon Spanish, half typos. Especialista dictionario

I'd have gone with "specialized dictionaries" but yeah.

I was going to go for Portuguese but I've just been working on a project for a mysterious Portuguese entity whose name ends in -oes (actually ões) so it's kind of on my brain

Also I accidentally apologised to silby on the IA thread instead of here so sorry here too silby

Hey chief! How's it going, buddy? Can you get that project done by tomorrow, champ? Okay dude, talk to you later man!

A friend of mine used to do this at parties - start a conversation with someone and address them as one of these after another until the person became visibly angry, then wander off.

I only encountered this once at work. A big personality guy, who addressed me as champ, buddy, etc. I started replying in kind, cheerfully addressing him as sport and chief until he quit, and then I kind of missed it.

chin up, tiger

it's annoying when people yell something from the other corner of the office. can't you wake up like an educated person come to the other's spot and ask for your stuff in a normal voice? is that too crazy a request... also, so glad this certain lady is on vacations, hadn't realized how much I hated her until I had a chat with someone, it turns out everyone does. she's 100% expert at doing the stabbing you in the eyes while smiling etc thing. I can't avoid talking to her at work and I find it very hard to answer to her condescending (and often poisonous) remarks. a couple of days ago I discovered her laughing when a consultant was helping me with some small mistake I made, could not believe it.

he's back - and this time he has dairylea dunkers

omg omg omg

My co-worker the one who is awful and crazy and weird and inappropriate.

Ha I'm so upset I'm still shaking.

I asked her a question about this budget she has access to but I don't so she looks it up and gets me the answer right away. Then she folds her hands, leans on her desk and says, "You see how I just answered you like that right away? It would be nice if you did that for me too." In the most condescending, snotty and completely ridiculous way you can imagine.

I just looked at her and said, "Are you kidding me? That was the snottiest thing I've ever heard and you can't talk to me that way. You can't talk to anyone that way? Are you serious? What planet do you come from?"

Then I went and was like really shaking and worked up and told her supervisor because fuck that was just totally inappropriate.

When I got back to my desk she apologized if her tone came off wrong. I asked if there was something she was waiting for from me and she said that there wasn't. It's just a feeling she has. A total bullshit feeling btw but that's not even the point. I honestly don't think anyone has ever spoken to me in that exact tone before. I also don't think I've ever been that close to hitting someone in my life.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I HATE HER.

Reading that now it doesn't sound that bad but if you could have heard the way she said or seen her smug fucking face. Oh she's a horrible horrible person.

it did sound bad

Otm. And if the tone is anything like the one I'm imagining in my head then she's awful.

It wasn't just her tone - it was her words, and the order in which she arranged them, too. Fuckin' muppet.

It sounds that bad to me! Kudos to you for saying something back because I would have been speechless.

I'm kind of surprised I did! But she does things like this all the time and I just couldn't take it anymore. When I got back to my desk and she apologized I told her it was completely inappropriate and that she needs to watch herself and think before talking to people like that because it's simply not OK. That's also when I was like oh what's it that you're waiting for from me again? Oh, right nothing. You're just insane. OK, I didn't actually say that last part.

had a similar experience w/ a v difficult coworker yesterday where he gave me a really superior tone and was dismissive & belittling toward me when in actuality he was just uninformed and literally RONG abt what he was talking abt.

i was speechless at the time and i didnt think that it bothered me but it p much stayed on my mind the whole day since then