Innocuous things that make you irrationally angry (a list thread)

When I sneeze it's a big loud barking noise - I have no idea why and it's not something I'm able to control. I think people's sneezes are like their laughs - they just are what they are and you're born with it.

The guy sitting next to me who does that horrible wet slurping snot-snorting thing all day is still at it. I swear I'm going to beat him to death with my phone pretty soon.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b2/Monkees_daydream_believer.jpg
Cheer up, Sneezy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a scream sneeze believer
And a homecoming queen.

stupid neighbors part 942:

they never change their sprinkler timer settings! so the fucking sprinklers go off in the middle of the night always, even in the dead of winter. but they only have a tiny patch of grass between the street and the footpath, like the parking strip or nature strip or w/e it's called. If you park there & have to walk on that grass at all you are basically walking in slime-mud. It's so gross.

it's a rental but the landlord is an IDIOT and I hate him & by default anyone who lives there

When someone starts a thread on ILM that's called, "Songs That Feature Vowels Sung In Order" and someone else posts "the vowels aren't in order on this song, but he does go E I E I O during a refrain."

Then another post is made "what about that other song where the lyric goes A A A A a whole bunch of times?" and before you know it, the thread has nothing to do with the OP anymore.

Makes it really hard to make a proper Spotify list when that happens.

Ordered one christmas gift online this(last) year, and it finally arrived. Good lord. It's a copy of Chris Ware's Jimmy Corrigan book, fwiw, and I had to flip through it and marvel at how beautiful it was, not having seen a copy in some years. This was apparently too muvh for me, so I dropped the blasted thing and broke the spine! Goddamn savage. Argh!
Yeah, this isn't quite the right thread, but I couldn't remember any thread for idiotic things you do that make you want to go stub your toe on a doorsill.

Any home improvement project that starts with "well, I don't see any reason why it wouldn't work" and ends with "well, live and learn," and doesn't involve any research in between. That's what the internet is there for.

Ha that's pretty much my approach to home improvement in a nutshell.

booooooooo

Lucky for everyone, we rent so most of my "home improvement" involves hanging shelves or painting furniture. Or calling the landlord.

People who act like Facebook police. And me, for taking the time to complain about them.

when i'm searching on my phone for a specific term on ilx and it appears in one of the entire chapters of a novel that edward iii has for some reason posted to the noize board back in 2006 or w/e. There's an entire screen wasted, took my poor bastard nokia three minutes to load that, thanks.

If you are a parent w/child on peak period public transport, chances are you're being a complete and utter cretin. It's not usually the child itself who's the problem, it's the fact that now you are a parent, your peripheral view of the world has become so desperately acute that pretty much no one around you has any significance whatsoever other than your sprog.

duly noted

they're so into taking care of small vulnerable people in busy places they don't even notice other people have phones to fuck around with and coffees to drink

nobody asked ye to bring them into public space tbf, if it's not safe for them then......

if I was to take a sprog onto a peak time train it would be because someone asked me

i mean, yeah of course you can use the tram and yeah of course you can do it with a sprog and yeah of course you need a buggy for the sprog in town, maybe just consider idk folding it up when the tram is packed or idk not stopping at the door with it, idk.

Fully aware that (while it won't arise) if it did arise i'd have a reverse opinion, but my peers actually seem to manage this ok without around the place with their kids without being complete pains in the arse to the general public.

my experience of public transport is that it's not the people with kids who stand at the front of the bus blocking people's way when there's a load of empty seats, or sit across a double seat when the bus or train is near full, or treat their big rucksack to a seat of its own, or hold interminable phone conversations at full volume, or play their crappy music for everybody to listen to, but maybe i'm just biased

Yeah of course - just worth bearing in mind it's an absolute pain in the arse to travel with a child and even moreso to do it at peak times and sometimes people are stressed to fuck with it and don't think of others.

Not folding away a buggy is a crime though, 100% agree on that.

xp

we're xp'ing like mad here onimo, but i'm fully aware once you have one to cart around then healthy singles can fuckin well deal with it, which is fair enough!

Trains are probably different because of how stupidly overfull commuter trains always, always are, but chattering kids sometimes brighten up my bus commute with their cheery filter-free conversation since my journey isn't long enough to bother with a book or mp3s. Then again the kid who loudly announced that he wanted to sit upstairs but couldn't because upstairs was full of *points directly at me* FAT PEOPLE LIKE THAT FAT WOMAN THERE can sod off, and should have been told to by its mother, but he wasn't, and I couldn't think of a retort that wouldn't get me instant minus points for swearing at an 8-year-old. Sigh.

Just, taking the buggy onto a commuter-time bus should be a last resort and not something to do just so you get to the shops half an hour earlier, and if you evict someone from the seats in the buggy/wheelchair section then at least thank them, and trying to walk to my bus stop in the morning drives me mad because the school run takes up the whole pavement (and the parents are worse at obliviously forcing you off the pavement than the kids are), so if people could not do that it would be lovely, ta.

howabout "I'm Only Fat Because I Eat CHILDREN!!!"

I couldn't think of a retort that wouldn't get me instant minus points for swearing at an 8-year-old.

That's when you swear at the parent.

I like chattering/interactive kids on public transit, too.

- mail order companies that send catalogs to work. GTFO.

Reminds me:
Websites you order from once and then they send you actual inch-thick paper catalogues every few weeks forever and there's no obvious contact address to get off the list.

You do know you can send up to a kilo of stuff back FREEPOST, yes? Catalogues and a couple of lead weights to the mailing address. Also useful when in receipt of election pamphlets from Tories, UKIP, BNP.

I am a bit afraid of how tempted I'll be to do that next election pamphlet season. I got a lovely one from the Lib Dems last week telling me that the Lib Dems would stop unfair tax cuts. Well, thanks, I'm sure I'll bear in mind that you'd do a great job of that if you were ever, say, in some kind of coalition government...

I always do it to BNP and UKIP (who are really BNP in sockless loafers, regardless of what they say).

- when you move your mouse over the text of the main story on the BBC website and it moves out of the way and makes you click a different story

The way a lot of people assume i must not have thought through my desire to not have kids and maybe I should reconsider? Slightly irrational because I daresay it's perfectly normal when having Serious Discussion about Serious Issues with friends to check they know what they might be getting into (or not getting into in my case) but yes i have thought it through, no it's not a whim, thx.

That's not innocuous; rather, it is a thing that fills me with incendiary RAGE. Also, it's even more irritating to be asked to defend a no-kids decision when you're female - the emotional wheedling/blackmail is probably worse for us.

Sinead O'Connor

<3 winter temperatures but am tired of the low sun always being in my eyes

It's like we were separated at birth or something.

AGAIN: Drivers who pump the gas and/or brakes like they're driving a fucking PADDLE BOAT. I get so fucking nauseated by that, though I otherwise never get carsick. Today it was the bus driver. FUC:LKJXV

^ this

I don't suffer from road rage, but these guys make me keen and bang on the steering wheel

(I'm referring ot drivers IN FRONT OF ME who do that)

Last weekend, it was a cab driver. Every other time, I have just sat in the back seat, fuming and fighting the reeling nausea, but for the first time, I spoke up, and asked, "What's up with the accelerator? Is there something wrong with the car?" and the guy informed me that the jerking was just how hybrids were, because they switch from gas to electric and back. I could see his fucking knee mashing the gas like he was stomping grapes, so I told him that I used to drive a Prius (true, in that I have rented many a Prius and other hybrids) and they never did that.

I'm not sure if his reply was passive-aggressive, but all he said was, "Would you look up directions for where you're going?"

This, when we had been driving for 10 minutes, and with his GPS turned on and running....

Old drivers who obviously are driving two-footed with one foot on the brake like it's a clutch. I was behind an old guy last year for several miles, and his brake lights were on the whole time -- he had his foot on the pedal enough to activate the lights, even while moving.

^^^^^^^^^ this

not at all innocuous, but still really angry, so this is purely a vent...

Last night I was in the left turn lane, and we got a green arrow, so me and the guy next to me started going until it was plainly obvious to both of us that there was a gentleman speeding straightaway towards us who had either completely blown his red light or (as I suspect), conflated the green left arrow to mean PLOW ON AHEAD. Fortunately it was obvious enough that both of us were able to anticipate and stop before he plowed into us, and laid on our horns, and then this guy has the nerve to honk back and us and gesture like we were the ones that fucked up, despite all of his buddies on the other side still remaining firmly planted behind the white line.

It's like, bro, I know it's hard to drive and change David Allen Coe 8-tracks at the same time, but c'mon....

oh hey! similar thing happened to me a couple days ago except the other driver wasn't a complete jackass i guess. i was the only car at a red light and i caught him in my rear view mirror charging right at me at full speed, apparently looking at something else. i honked for a few seconds before realizing i had to make a move, so i swerved to the right into the light and he swerved left at the last minute, missing each other by maybe half a foot. would've at least totaled my car if i hadn't noticed in time.

machines that use the first person

'please wait -- i'm printing your receipt now!'

zach things like that are one reason I'm glad I have an obsessive personality because they've saved me from near disaster on the road a few times.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the same nation that is full of people that try and hold conversations with automated computerized voices could potentially misread traffic lights.

Part of me wonders if this is a regular occurrence for that guy -- "jesus christ, every time I get a green light I almost get t-boned by two crazy people, what the hell is up with that?"

I know it's hard to drive and change David Allen Coe 8-tracks at the same time, but c'mon....

haha

Amazon not sticking to only having reviews for the relevant edition of the disc on the page with the disc. Or at least separating ones for earlier versions out, if still allowing them to be shown.

Just looking at the hyper-expensive Japanese remastering of Alice Cooper's love It To Death and the reviews are for earlier versions. Was probably more annoying when it was the Zappa remasters at the end of last year and most of the reviews you were wading through were for previous versions. While I at least was trying to see if anybody had reviewed the new version itself in order to work out if it was necessary or not.

Also the fact that people seem to be not remastering lps that have needed it for ages and instead sticking out unremastered cds in Original lp series boxes with minimal linernotes & difficult to read mini versions of lp sleeves.
I want a remastered Love it To Death but even marketplace only have them for about £30 while Amazon's offer is £70+

- when you move your mouse over the text of the main story on the BBC website and it moves out of the way and makes you click a different story

yes ffs. but it's only semi-innocuous and semi-irrational i think, it is a really really bad design feature.

Amazon not sticking to only having reviews for the relevant edition of the disc on the page with the disc

This is also horrible when trying to determine the best translation of a foreign novel and every available edition has the exact same "this is the WORST translation EVER!" review.

yes a thousand times yes it drives me insaaaaane