Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

depends on the latte

The latest message I got was one last week that started with, "You're a handsome man." I decided that I don't want to say stuff like that to start off with, and it isn't my top choice of incoming first message, either. However, forgoing such messages has meant a decline in the number of guys I contact.

The previous to last message I got from a guy said, "Hey man u lking? I'm horned up."

U str8z shd try that approach.

you are failing because the phrase is in fact "hecka slammin'"

I get skeevy "u look good wanna massage?" shit a bit, they get the instant ban hammer from me.

"Really direct" how? It might be a gay male thing, but guys I talk to online are not reluctant to get into specifics about looks (specific compliments or how I compare w/ their type).

i think any comment on physical appearance is rare enough ime on these sites, tho maybe that is typical of hetero exchanges. (not that i doubt loads of guys send "i want to bone u" or whatever)

it wasn't like racy or whatever, just she said i had sexy eyes, in a bit more detail than that. it probably sounds slightly lol to act as if that's a big deal but in the world of the online dating site it sort of is... i really had to think about how to respond in kind without sounding cheesy.

we'd already been messaging for a bit and i think it was her way of showing that rearranging tomorrow to monday wasn't out of disinterest. i actually quite like her style, better to both be clear you think each other is hot rather than going on a date with somebody whose motivations are vague even to themselves (and these sites are full of that.)

I get more generic 'you have nice eyes' type comments, and they're tricky to respond to. I always get the feeling that the person thinks they ought to be saying something like that, regardless of whether or not they particularly like my eyes (I'm sure some of them actually do). I pretend they haven't said it. They can make their mind up about me, my eyes, and the rest of me if/when they meet me. Hmmm, I seem to be a total curmudgeon on this site in a way I'm generally not.

Once I went on a date with someone who had listed his dark and piercing eyes as a good feature . He kept his shades on until we'd walked about 10 mins and sat down on a bench, then dramatically took them off. They were indeed dark and piercing. I'm not sure what he expected me to do.

yeah my experience is on a diff site. i've never really had a good experience on okcupid.

lg fwiw i don't think irl couples ever have good discussions about movies or music so this sounds like it won't go anywhere imo but gl

^twaddle fyi

protip imo

:)

Lol @ shades guy!

shades guy is very lol. imo little episodes like that make life worth living. i have always depended on the looniness of strangers.

strangers, friends, parents

ilxors

http://i.imgur.com/zi7hd.gif

A buddy of mine who recently got engaged to someone he met on Match said there was a big surge in dates for him last January (his fiancee being one of those). He went from going on one date every couple months to having several in one week. Maybe it's a New Years resolution thing? I also noticed more looks than usual on my profile this week.

lg fwiw i don't think irl couples ever have good discussions about movies or music so this sounds like it won't go anywhere imo but gl

We don't know each other well enough for the "do you fancy her/him" or "where is this really going" chats

just start off with the 'why do you always hold your fuckin fork like that, it's driving me fuckin crazy, do you know how difficult it is for me to even look at you anymore' banter, see how it goes. you'll soon know if she's the one

I think I kinda blew it because I messaged a guy and said I messaged him because he said he liked being slapped in the face. No response. GUESS I SHOULDA FIGURED.

That's funny, because someone "starred" me yesterday who says in his main profile that he likes BDSM and tying people up and owns handcuffs and blindfolds. He may even now be wondering why I haven't written him back.

Well I have noticed almost every dude answers the slapped in the face question with "Horrified" and this particular guy said "Aroused" so I wrote him solely for that reason. Although it might be more fun to slap someone and have them be horrified.

This is not OK Cupid, but ...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v335/gypsyfrocksbedlam/Singlechristian_zps0bb91a2a.jpg

hello I am GOD'S MATCH FOR YOU

how badly could god fuck up, all things considered?

I've received three considered messages (from people who look like actual matches and not people desperately casting lines at random) in the last...six hours? After having received zero messages since sometime before the holidays. Wwwwhat'supwiththat, OKC? Not complaining! Except this does come immediately on the heels of my putting a notice in my profile that I'm too broke to date atm. Drat.

xpost Yeah, but I wanna know whether God had a lot of input on their algorithm or if he's just lending his name to it like that shitty Spanx ripoff he was flogging on QVC a couple years back.

One of my friends said I should look for dates on Christian Mingle.

So, after a lot of internal conflict about how okc has become really depressing for me (given that my profile has reached its expiry date or whatever, such that my ego is hurting from the fact that I get a fraction of the messages/replies I used to, and the one person I thought I had a connection with is most likely leaving me out in the cold) and despite my repeated attempts to take a break or at least leave my account alone, I've arrived at the solution of setting up an additional account. In other words, this is my response to my call to cut down on okc. Ay ay ay...

Anyways, its a long story, but I want to try playing around with an anonymous (i.e. Photoless) account where I honestly and frankly lay out my sexual apprehensions (i.e. virginity) and use that as a platform unto itself. Probably a self indulgent thing to do, but I am getting NOWHERE otherwise.

I cant say I ever go for people who have no pics on their profiles but hey, if its just an experiment...

In re: my last post, I currently have tentative dates lined up with no fewer than...six? (seven?) OKC ladies, without having expended much more effort in their pursuit than a little casual conversation. And this after months of getting almost no indication of interest from anyone. So patience occasionally pays off. The secret is apparently being so broke that you can't afford to go out on dates and openly stating as much in your profile. Who'dathunk that would be a draw? I do think there's something to the "NY resolution" and "seeking a warm body for the winter" theories of increased OKC activity. But, y'know. Gift horses' mouths and all that.

atlantic trollin

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/01/a-million-first-dates/309195/?single_page=true

so much bullshit to unravel

instances of:

interviewed women = 0
wife-blaming = 1

Trollin hard.

Past girlfriends had complained about his lifestyle, which emphasized watching sports and going to concerts and bars. He’d been called lazy, aimless, and irresponsible with money.

*gag*

Mate scarcity also plays an important role in people’s relationship decisions. “Look, if I lived in Iowa, I’d be married with four children by now,” says Blatt, a 40‑something bachelor in Manhattan. “That’s just how it is.”

lol *retching noises*

Justin Parfitt, a dating entrepreneur based in San Francisco, puts the matter bluntly: “They’re thinking, Let’s keep this fucker coming back to the site as often as we can.”

ahh, here we get to the meat of it

People seeking commitment—particularly women—have developed strategies to detect deception and guard against it. A woman might withhold sex so she can assess a man’s intentions. Theoretically, her withholding sends a message: I’m not just going to sleep with any guy that comes along. Theoretically, his willingness to wait sends a message back: I’m interested in more than sex.

oh, seriously?

lol iowa

I think my counter-argument would be:
- A lot of people have a stable relationship and/or having children as a major life goal, to the extent of prioritizing it above other life goals
- Some people jump into a relationship although they might not be that socially mature. Others have social maturity at a younger age. Some people are about as mature as they'll get at age 20.
- They're completely discounting the existence of people who have goals or interesting lives who either like dating casually or aren't into online dating

also, lol iowa

whats the gagging for? I watch sports and am all of the other things in that opening paragraph you fucker

I thought you have a lady who finds your wandering romantic, though

Interestingly though just this morning I was idly remembering the relationship I stayed in for 18 mos while wondering if that was as good as it got and dissatisfaction was the curse of modern life's endless variety, looking for a better match, etc. I had a moment of surprised pleasure thinking that I'd avoided any further ties with that guy despite my own self-sabotage at the time. It felt good to appreciate my freedom from that, not in a mean way, just...relief and delight.

I certainly have had this idiotic tendency to drag mediocre relationships out interminably in the past. I think I'd attribute its demise more to maturity and insight than constantly pursuing relationships to learn about myself. You can learn that stuff through other social interactions than spree dating, I would guess.

He worries that, with so many alternatives available, he won’t be willing to wait. ... He wants to be a nice guy, but he knows that sooner or later he’s going to start coming across as a serious asshole.

lol

good unintentional invocation of "nice guy" trope

I think I might be ready to have crushy feelings again. I haven't had the energy to bother with anyone lately, if I'm being honest, but I might now. I should make okc work a little harder for me.

How much of the enchantment associated with romantic love has to do with scarcity (this person is exclusively for me), and how will that enchantment hold up in a marketplace of abundance (this person could be exclusively for me, but so could the other two people I’m meeting this week)?

"Exclusively for me" is such a weird way to frame a first date. In fact I'm comfortable saying it's a bad way.

that's just how it works, you're shopping for the person you're going to take home and lock in your fortress forever

Yeah, it's a pretty terrible article all around. Wouldn't be surprised if "Jacob" was the author.