ILE rolling non-slam Tennis thread

This match literally made me get out of bed on two hours' sleep, I was hazily checking the scores and went WTF out loud when I saw Johansson leading. Immediately had to swing into action to put some money on the choke. Which was inevitable and hilarious.

Venus has always made wild UEs and that's nothing new but what's sad is seeing how harmless she's become more generally.

In eight years time I am going to be mourning the loss of what could have been a brilliant career as Kvitova is but a memory and Azarenka has ten slams, aren't I

Sad. Prescient :(

IRL LOL @ Johansson for those two FH misses at 3-3, 30-30. She must have had to hit the second one vertically downwards to fail to get it over the net.

I am watching Lisicki/Azarenka. It is infuriating. Lisicki has ALL THE TOOLS to demolish Azarenka but she can't finish the points off.

SABINE STOP HITTING YOUR BH INTO THE NET. THE HIGH PART OF THE NET IS HIGH FFS

Not on hard courts she doesn't. Lisicki's strokes are too unstable and she's never in her career had a great result off grass/clay.

Li Na is a break down against COHEN. WTF.

Tomic is actually playing somewhat well against Nole right now!

She's actually constructing points fairly well and getting good, consistent depth... only to bludgeon the put-away into the net. Azarenka's serve is so woeful, so woeful... kill her Serena!

Apparently this Monica Puig who took Kerber to a 9-7 final set TB is good, then?

Didn't see it, sadly.

Dolgopolov is wearing a hideous, hideous outfit that looks like something a 12-year-old might wear to the beach.

I have always found Nieminen kind of attractive.

Some of the points Tomic has played have been astonishing. The variety of shots he can employ is great to watch. About to serve for the match.

Tomic: "Full credit to myself"

Oh is Serena not your "best friend" any more, Sloane? LOL @ this

http://www.changeovertennis.com/video-sloane-stephens-calls-serena-williams-come-ons-disrespectful/

(Serena wasn't even doing it that much by her standards, and only when she hit great shots! Hardly hysterical fighting mode. Also, LOL @ how invested the US tennis media is in Stephens' hype. Some embarrassing tweets this morning, you'd have thought Sloane took Serena to a third set TB rather than a straight-sets loss)

I think it's time to get my hopes up (and then inevitably crushed) for a Davydenko comeback. I almost forgot how great he is to watch when he's playing well. Looking forward to his match against Ferrer tomorrow.

Did Azarenka really just w/d from her match against Serena because she had a BAD PEDICURE?????????????

I...what...I have heard everything now.

Oh god it gets even better. A bad pedicure TEN DAYS AGO. How convenient that it only became impossible to play on after she'd trashed Lisicki and Pervak, but before she had to play Serena.

KING KOLYA on fire :)

absolutely amazing performance

that was a TREAT. incredible

Cibulkova d. Kvitova 6-1 6-1

I hate this result even though I love Slovakia's finest midget.

I love and adore that result! omg

lol how did I miss the news that Dimitrov and Sharapova are allegedly dating? well done both of them, if true.

I won't get cynical and say it's a publicity stunt, or because Grisha can't have the one he really wants (no, I don't mean Serena, I mean Monfils lol).

I am THIS CLOSE to booking tickets to middle weekend of the open this year. Getting flights is the bitch, I might take either a Friday or Monday off so I can take in an extra day as well. THIS WILL BE QUITE GOOD EXCEPT IF IT IS 5000 DEGREES LIKE MELBOURNE APPARENTLY IS.

ha no lie, my first thought was this was just Grigor's way of acting out against Mouratoglou.

DO IT. Wish I could again this year - the sunburn was worth it tbh.

smh Petra

This is the point where we have to abandon any hope that she'll be a dominating champion like she could be, and instead be a sporadic Sweta/Pierce type. She'll win Wimbledon again in like six years and in between there'll just be a whole lotta stupidity and laziness. Azarenka of course will be racking up the Slams.

Talking of Sweta, she won her first matches since beating Radwanska at RG last year in Sydney QUALIES. Took three sets to get past Foretz-Gacon and Cepelova.

oh and the Doha final was disappointing yesterday - Kolya played like he had all tournament for one-and-a-half sets, but couldn't serve it out. Gasquet showed very uncharacteristic fighting spirit but his strategy of standing a million miles behind the baseline is not one that's a harbinger of his career going up a level. And Kolya sadly demonstrated that his peak level is too fragile and easily ended these days :(

SO FUCKING PISSED at line judges. Tie-break second set between Stosur and Zheng, gorge BH winner from Zheng gets called wide. Fortunately, it's overruled. Then Stosur double faults, and it's missed. She wins the tie-breaker.

GAARRGHHHH HOW CAN PEOPLE DO SUCH THINGS TO ZHENG!

Despite being maybe the fittest woman on tour, Stosur's movement is, like her hands, made of stone. And she has literally no anticipation at all. That easy missed volley from Zheng, aaargh....

Meanwhile in Hobart, Peng has blown a double break third set lead to (top seed!) Hsieh, and they're in a final set TB.

Keys won her Sydney opener. She's fucked around losing in challengers for longer than I thought she would but I expect her in the top 100 in a few weeks, and thence to have a much better career than Stephens, McHale et al.

Nice to see Mrs Krumm win a rare WTA match. LOL @ Hantuchova adding yet another match to her list of losses after winning a bagel/breadstick first set.

Huh, last I checked the scoreboard Brian Baker had a 5-1, 40-0 lead. And now it's 5-3.

5-4 :/

Had a 5-4, 40-0 lead on his own serve. Now deuce. Ludicrous Janowicz volley to save the second MP in that game.

Baker wins on his eighth MP. Elsewhere, Peng beat Hsieh on her sixth MP. Do these players not know I've only just woken up.

...and Zheng came back from 1-3 down in the third to win on her 3rd MP. Stosur now on a 5-match losing streak in Australia, lulz.

really hope Sharapova's overachieving personality influences Grigor a little bit

...and Grigor loses 1R to Fognini in Sydney. So much for that. (Such an implausible couple, Serena was more plausible.)

I wonder how bad the Kuznetsova/Wozniacki match was, but good for Sweta for pulling out the win. Apparently she requested a WC but they made her play qualies (in order for the terrible, useless Rogowska to notch up another 1R loss). Would they EVER have made certain other multiple Slam champs who fell out of the top 70 due to injury play qualies? Good on Sweta for sucking it up and not complaining. Remember how Ivanovic threw a hissy fit and refused to play in Canada over this situation.

Keys beat Zheng 0 and 4. That really shows how far she's come, last year she lost in the AO 1R to Zheng like 1 and 2. She's the real deal, HUGE HUGE game.

Errani trashing Kirilenko with a double breadstick is a GORGEOUS result. The infinitely more talented tennis player winning.

So the only people to have ever beaten Rafa in clay finals are Federer, Djokovic and...Zeballos.

Zeballos' grunting is possibly the worst on the men's tour

amazing performance tho

I saw the end of the first set - Zeballos was smacking everything as hard as he could, Rafa was pretty poor, especially on return. Pretty shocked Rafa didn't ride the TB momentum to victory.

Wow. So Nadal's last two tour defeats have been against players I had never heard of before the tournament concerned (Lukas Rosol! Who now has a new claim to fame - longest doubles match ever: 24-22 in the 5th w/Berdych over Chiudinelli/Warwrinka in the Davis Cup last week. Over seven hours).

yeah the start of 2013 has been very cruel for Wawrinka :/

Zakopalova d. Stephens 46 76(5) 76(5) in Doha. Stephens had a MP in the second set and served for the match in both second and third sets. Hype train goes CRASH into a tree.

Not that much of a surprise, I put money on it. Zak is a minor upset artist and you could have predicted a let-down for Sloane, especially in a tournament like this.

Serena world #1 :D she was crying and went down on her knees and shit o_O

My stream cut off at 5-4 in the third and I missed the end completely... so annoyed. Not surprised though, Petra was playing juuuuust boneheadedly enough to lose.

is it wrong that i'd kind of like Sharapova to beat Serena so she goes to 2 and Azarenka drops to 3, so I never, ever have to see another Azarenka/Radwanska game?

goddamn, missed all of the last couple of days of tennis.

So Serena does care about No 1 after all, lol.

If I'd seen it I'd be gutted but as it is I'm just thrilled that Petra could play such a good match against Serena. I'd expected her to barely win games.

Did anyone see the Wozniacki drama earlier in the week? That family really is a fucking disgrace.

Fed after losing to Benneteau in Rotterdam: “I don’t want to leave, I want to play. I feel bad for the fans who don’t get to see me now."

#humble :D

He received a humble €1M to play here. Got tix for tonight, expected/wanted to see him play, damnit. Here's hoping the french hommes put on something enjoyable.

FFS WHAT IS THE POINT IN ON-COURT COACHING IF TATIANA GOLOVIN YELLS HER INANE AND OBVIOUS COMMENTS OVER THE TOP OF IT

I miss Tati on court :(

No bagels :( Disappointing, Serena.