Moneyball won't win the Premiership 2012-13

Fuck is Bale's hair?

"Villa are painful to watch. They give the ball away an almost inconceivable number of times."

"i hate villa, almost a whole team of craig gardners"

Have drunkenly attempted to compose an "In Defense of Aston Villa" in the Benteke vs Bent / Eke poll over on ILF. Got so worked up that I had to stop several times and remind myself to breathe, but I got there eventually. More than prepared to go to the mattresses on behalf of this Villa side should anyone else come talking smack - Baker and Westwood losing 8-0 over N'Zogbia and Hutton losing 1-0 any day of the goddamn week

intrstn that walters can contrive to make taking even a sumptuous volley look like a steel toe-cap directed at a foreigner's head.

"Michu has been pushed back into Swansea's midfield to accommodate Luke Moore"

More than prepared to go to the mattresses on behalf of this Villa side should anyone else come talking smack - Baker and Westwood losing 8-0 over N'Zogbia and Hutton losing 1-0 any day of the goddamn week.

You're speaking the absolute truth, Windsor. Whether they go down or not, this side has a heart that's been sorely lacking for the last few seasons. It's just spurting blood all over the place at the moment. But eventually the flow will ebb and they'll get better.

when the flow of blood ebbs from a heart, the outcome isn't usually 'recovered'

So my metaphor sucks.

19 Birmingham City 24 7 8 9 32 38 -6 29

At least at Villa the blood's not spewing from every orifice though, eh? lol

not sure about this formatting but it does a job

Manager Harry Redknapp is furious with the 30-year old, and didn’t hesitate to reveal what his disgusted other players thought of Bosingwa’s behaviour.

‘The good lads would be sick,’ he told the Fulham and Hammersmith Chronicle.

‘There might be one or two of his pals who might think ‘Well, you know,’ but the Ryan Nelsens and Clint Hills and all the good lads all thought it was a disgrace.

There's a bit of a staring into the abyss vibe about Villa at the moment and they looked totally shellshocked against Tottenham, their goal difference at the moment is abysmal as well and if they can't reduce that before the end of the season they're basically playing with a point less than their rivals.

Can't see sacking the manager helping either, is there anyone out there who'd do a significantly better job with that lot than Lambert?

ah jaysus no you wouldn't be talking about sacking yet- look at the wage bill and the transfer figures over the last few years, the club is in a period of controlled downsizing imo

yeah mdc ott, they'll be alright. also villa always, always get a couple of random massive tonkings every season

if i'm honest i had that match figured as a 0-0 or maybe a narrow, scraped spurs win at best before we got the first (and but for a poor cross thirty seconds before we could have been a goal down without much complaint) so i dunno how shellshocked villa looked- wary, perhaps.

cannot recall when villa have ever given spurs a game, was a win a mile off

I think they'll probably be alright as well but there are fewer genuinely shit teams in the Premiership than there have been in some recent seasons, maybe only five that might seriously go down. Not sure that either Wigan or Southampton are unquestionably worse than Villa.

remember villa cunting us with two collymore cunts, and i'm p certain there was the odd loss since then (that were maybe 98?) but the trauma maybe stands out more as i'm mates with villa fans

Then there was the day in August when he [Ashley Westwood] signed for Villa. He travelled from Crewe with his dad. Paul Lambert sat them in the manager's office and told them the facts of football life.

"The telly is what makes them look good," he said of the Premier League's exalted stars, "makes them look better than they are. It's a myth. You still play with the same sized ball you had at Crewe and you can do the same job here you did there."

the telly adds 10 million pounds

^^^^^

actually that reminds me, cos under that westwood piece in last week's sunday times there was a feature on legendary cobblers biggest man in the football league adebayo akinfenwa with the following SHOCKING REVELATIONS:

grant holt - 12st 13lb
wayne roooney - 13st
kevin nolan - 14st 2lb
adebayo akinfenwa - 16st 7lb

those stats are often pretty inaccurate, like sturridge is listed at 6'2 on wikipedia

no way grant holt is under 13st

but yeah, akinfenwa is certainly king of bigs

lower leagues would be more interesting if they imposed a >16st weight handicap on at least half the starting outfield players

just went looking for more info on http://lesrosbifs.net but tbh nothing's gonna be better than this completely unrelated comment under an article about dommy p hero adebayo akinfenwa:

"There was one time when he was injured for us and his weight ballooned. My mate Chris was behind him in the queue for the self-checkout at Sainsbury’s and he had a can of coke, a mars bar and a bag of roasted chicken, singing along to Cat Stevens’ “Wild World” on his iPod."

― r|t|c, Wednesday, 6 July 2011 23:40 (1 year ago) Bookmark

got the skinny on paddy kenny?

google lists him at 14st but like nakh says he's surely not 6ft either

kev nolan's the shocker imo, i've never seen him put in that ballpark or noticed myself

ah yeah he's a stocky lad for an athlete, he doesn't really have that rvp 'V' shape going on

lukaku and martin taylor listed at just under 16st

nolan is tubbyish but then he is pretty much the ghetto lampard

FootyHumour ‏@FootyHumour

The only time Joe Hart sees a clean sheet is when his mum does his washing!

colin bastafield ‏@dobiemanengland

@FootyHumour its true ,,,they keepon how good he is ,,,but he dosnt keep clean sheets ,,,work itout =#shithart

RM ‏@RM_1888

@FootyHumour Quality Bantz

========#

can't just not comment on these fergie quotes, i mean

He forgets the help I gave him by the way.

Yeah that stood out for me. It's like that should buy him a lifetime immunity or somthg.

like none of it is surprising but even still it's like a lumpen bantz grotesque of how he usually says it

idk if he's pished, coked up, genuinely rattled or what but it's notable

still the master

the desperate flailing of somebody who knows they were in the wrong. amazing that he got away with. he should be stripped of his knighthood immediately.

Also did the FA write to Fergie about him calling the ref terrible after the Swansea game like they have with 'Arry and Mancini?

no fear of fergie ever forgetting any help he gives anyone

I carry that because I am the manager of the most famous club in the world. I am not like Newcastle, a wee club in the north east.

this is just

completely right?

"Alan Pardew is the worst for haranguing referees. His whole staff [do it] every game," Ferguson said.

This is like what a 9-year-old would do.

nbs can you give #0 the laptop back plz

still the master

― Number None, Friday, 28 December 2012 14:43 (1 minute ago) Bookmark

this is what i'm saying though, he's not this time, it's just some sloppy shit

not least cos the story is practically dead and would die if he shut it

He does seem to be playing it a little loose this festive season tbf. The entire Newcastle coaching staff were haranguing the ref when Anita got injured but no one is getting all indignant about that.

hart has been v.ropey this season tho #shart #topbantz #banterweight #bantmetilIfart

Mancini should buy Begovic in January and bench Hart. Should go over well with the press.

Love watching Hart fail #eplbantz #ladgadget

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AI0gk2KJeho

actually a terrifying lot of #bantersaurusrex tweets