Blue Saturday

i will likely be alone this xmas which is fine

oh wait i missed out atheists

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsk921i6c31qf1gfe.gif

‘Horrible as sexual abuse no doubt was, the damage was arguably less than the long-term psychological damage inflicted by bringing the child up Catholic in the first place.’

wd have reckoned the lamaists as too authoritarian for you nakh

ikr, what can i say, the harsh mongolian strain of lamaism seems weirdly appealing right now

After the capture of Khovd, Ja Lama inflicted savage reprisal against the Chinese military prisoners and civilian population. His acts of cruelty included slaughtering most of the Chinese troops he captured. It was rumored that Ja Lama stabbed the prisoners in the chest with a knife and tore their hearts out with his left hand. He then laid the hearts together with parts of the brain and some entrails in skull bowls so as to offer them up as bali sacrifices to the Tibetan terror gods and hung on the walls of his yurt the peeled skins of his enemies.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ja_Lama

Ja Lama put out some excellent sides on Blood and Fire in the 80s iirc

anyhoo religiosity be damned i just wanted to offer an all-inclusive let's have it winterval hug-snog to ilxors everywhere

how else would one decorate a yurt

in any event, happy holidays to you and yours nv. may your yurt never be skinless.

amen, namaste to all

xmaste

Weather Alert
West to Southwest winds will reach speeds of 50 to 60 km/hr with gusts of 80 to 100km/hr acorss coastal counties of Connacht and Ulster tonight.

the house is hopping and the bin lorry just blew over shure it's proper weather now

not having a great time of it atm tbh

<3 u family i really do but deciding to spend three weeks with you in nowheresville maybe wasn't the best idea.

it's 24 hr fifa with the lads here, breaks for sandwiches and opening another box of sweets.

clouds i noticed yr facebook update earlier :(

don't really know what to say but hang in there, if you wanna chat then drop me a message, this too will pass...i dunno, but if good wishes cd make anything better i'm sure a lot of people here are sending them your way

:) thanks

i'll be fine. phil is leaving tonight for a week, no one else around to hang w/. i plan on getting high and listening to feldman all day. mb we should do a groupchatz or something?

last night i decided that the key to not drinking was to be okay with being alone and sad. and i didn't drink. and i had heart-breaking dreams all night. and i'm awake and i'm still rattling. and sobriety is for shit, i'm sure, and i'm forcing myself to do it for anybody else but me.

gonna fast and play games and renounce myself to hermitude.

gonna make 2013 the year of misplaced asceticism.

my periods of eremitic hebetude always need to be accompanied by a vast-ish task - reading Gibbon, Football Manager sounds like a good call (thinking of getting it myself - doesn't quite square with "writing novel" & "learn German in terms of spare time but w/e). I just go into hibernation, abjure drink, become a completely different person effectively. it's weird, but good luck.

i am pretty much sat here wrestling myself into not going on a huge bender today. not sure that it won't happen, i still have a little Jesuitic caveat that says it's okay to drink before i start detox, so i have a couple of weeks left to do what i want. but i don't suppose i do want, otherwise why would i be going into a detox programme? on the other hand, like i say, i want drink and low company and the sight at least of other people and the sight at least of women, and if i didn't have to try to be a person that half of me doesn't want to be then i'd just drink and to hell with it

and Football Manager is a great distraction but yes i have a pile of reading and writing and learning about music and photography and creative endeavour i shd be doing instead even tho i cd argue like the best sophist that playing a computer game is just as worthwhile and lasting a creative endeavour

becoming a different person feels like the only viable way to not make the bad decisions i make now but i'm scared the different person i'd become wd just be deader and lonelier and more statue than person

and god i want to be in a pub with a drink in my hand and rolling up a cig

xxx-post to nv. you probably wouldn't be any happier had you drank. you'd probably only have delayed all those negative feelings until the next day that you were sober. it's better that at least some of those negative feelings are over, now.

baby steps. can i at least do a load of laundry before i drink? yes! can i at least wash half those dishes before i drink? maybe! and then, your mind becomes clearer as you go. (i never take my own advice, though).

thanks :) it's true, i've been tidying up a lot the last few days in crazy over-compensation.

thing is i don't just drink to get away from somewhere, i drink to go somewhere. a lot of psych mumbo about addictions conveniently overlook those possibilities.

thing is i don't just drink to get away from somewhere, i drink to go somewhere.

oh, my god. i have never been able to say that so succinctly. damn, there really is no higher high. it's easy to just bring up exercise, sex, etc. but, i really don't know. i sometimes just think that, well, having my life entirely organized - being completely in control of everything - would be a pretty good high, and alcohol only inhibits achieving that. but, urgh, i guess it just takes time. a pretty long time, to begin to actually live again without the booze. i also don't consider living with booze actually living; i just call it scraping by (maybe some people can handle it, but a lot of us really cannot).

no you're quite right, and when you're consistently telling yourself something has to change then that's a pretty good sign that something has to change.

even the half-glass of wine i've got in the kitchen from cooking is starting to sing to me tho lol

what is it singing

somewhere between 1930s movie seductive belly-dancer music and Kaa's song out of Jungle Book

i decided that the key to not drinking was to be okay with being alone and sad.

Maybe the most important thing ever said in this thread btw.

hi nv

I've given up cm, but i'm sticking with the drink, we all find our own balances. I'm gonna learn c# instead, if i have to be up until 4am every night let's see if i can't at least use it to make something a little more utilisable than a midfield of kaka diego davies biscan (or, i'm hoping, ilx posts). Not for a second thinking it'll be as good, or anything, just more useful. Even my little brother stopped being impressed with my cm4 prowess in 2008 ffs.

how do u accomodate kaká and diego ribas in the same midfield

p sure the game you own just ended up gaming u

had a fucking bike accident. ugh.

yeah that looked rough

no concussion etc i trust?

don't think so. the young couple that helped me said i was repeating things but tbf i was pretty frazzled

hope you're ok c

'string quartet 1, transfigured night, string quartet 2, chamber concerto.....'

and cosigned xp

thanks y'all.

no chamber symphonies?

C are you ok?

went and had drinks. have had less drinks, feels like a score draw

dude can at least remember the difference between a beautiful mountain and a merely ordinary one, suggesting that his pavement has induced fewer neurological symptoms than my licquor

the "fountain/mountain" gag in Pale Fire is the best and truest sick joke in literature imo

in lieu of extended navel-gazing today i think i'll just posit : i suck. everything else sucks. not you, Football Manager.

you've got a potential rating of 187 but your scout rating's at 56% and you're never a fullback, son

dude i never look at the hidden attributes, it's a maxim for life

deep down u know it's why the tories keep winning tho, right

the tories keep winning cos a lot of people are tories, makes it difficult not to be a misanthrope tbh

a true democrat would accept that shit and question their own position imo.

Anyway, here's a pnvmic i should be working, laters

it's true, as a democrat i recognise humanity doesn't wanna be saved and my response is mostly to gtf out of dodge

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNuUgbUzM8U

REASONS TO BE ALIVE IN 2013

at least you ain't clusterfucking

my dad's 60th today, taking him to the football