Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

1. "What does agriculture mean?"

2. "I was so annoyed. Someone threw themselves under my tube yesterday. People that do that must be mad."

3. Me: "Just tell them to put the web address in and it will take them straight into the site."

Her: "What address? Their address?"

Other things he did: worked at his cube standing up (making everyone around him very tense), unbuttoned his shirts halfway down his chest, commented on every phone conversation I had (work related or not), talked to himself, and played horrible CD-Rs of cabaret tunes he wrote and produced. I think the whole experience inoculated me against ever being annoyed by co-workers again.

Unfortunately something this stupid is uttered in my office at least once a day...

An old japanese woman wearing a baby dress and pigtails jumping and down in front of me at the desk. I just came in. Please, let me wake up a bit first. Or am I still dreaming?

i feel like i'm missing out

There's nothing like a five minute meeting with your boss in which he tells you that you've basically got like two months to turn things around with a mouth full of Mike n' Ikes.

big flat mole on the left side of his face with 9 really long and scraggly hairs growing out of it. He was always playing with them... twisting and pulling on them (but not pulling them out.) Very distracting....

"Please tell me if you understand what I am saying, at the moment in the exqualifier there are only a 4 digit code, you append another 3 in front of them I don't know where, but doesn't matter anyway to sort out the letter in the front for the new code."

I assure you it makes only 1% more sense to me than it does to you.

THis goes on at least ONCE A WEEK in my office.

Also, I don't think the owner's secretary knows how to use the phone properly, because she's always complaining that "the phones are down", but it's only her phone, apparently. And when someone comes in to test it, it works.

I think you just identified the perv dream of far too many people in the world. But you'd have to give them guns too.

The only really annoying thing my current co-workers do is send me ridiculous spam forwards about poisoned shampoo samples (normally originating from higher up in the Council!), then look sceptical when I explain that it's a dumb scaremongering thing to do. Also I have to tell them how to spell things all the live long day.

I have found that replying to annoying forwarders with a link to Urban Legends stops them dead in their tracks.

Or masturbation.

And is that a totenkopf and half an SS lightning bolt?

This annoying creepy guy I work is convinced we all hate him and that the work environment is toxic. The truth is he’s just bad at his job and doesn’t listen. It’s not that deep. Anyway, he’s talking all this shit to HR about his colleagues (inc. me) and creating a bunch of extra auditing work for us as a result. Not only stupid and annoying but also vengeful! He’s hasn’t shown up at all this week, wonder if he knows we’re all mad at him now.

eugh i already feel bad posting about that. just blowing off steam, i guess.

you have to, sometimes

my friend had a coworker like that who was either jockeying for a special assignment or something cushy but genuinely had no skills and was doing nothing. they eventually just started making bogus HR claims

gee, wonder how the "annoying creepy guy" would ever have the thought that people hate him?

I don’t know, maybe it was the flirty texts he kept sending to the female staffers? Gfy

I’m just trying to do my job, he makes everything into a big scene revolving around him

Do you hate everyone that annoys you, Jon?

i don't like people who hold grudges toward their coworkers. this used to be me. i've been in this job i don't like for 6 years now. i feel like the purpose of all of this has been to teach me to just not care about what someone else does or doesn't do at work. it's such a liberating feeling. suddenly i can be nice to everyone. i know everyone talks behind my back. they do the same to everyone else when i'm around them. i don't do it anymore. what a waste of energy. i know i do a good job when it isn't some bullshit, you know? i do my best when it isn't bullshit. the rest of it all can gtfo. reclaiming my power. i've noticed i don't dread going into work as much. i get to choose what my day is like. the actions of everyone else, what they do or don't do, are either commendable or funny or kinda sad.

i am aware that i don't really deal with any hostile coworkers or a hostile boss. that's an entirely different can of worms. mine are all mildly backbiting grumps with no real demonstrated bite.