Girls - What Does "Romance" Mean To You?

if i'd tried that with my ex-roommate she would've taken a tire iron to my skull.

my friend did this recently for her boyfriend, i thought it was sweet too.

(xpost)

I don't think he does either of these things with the express intent of "being romantic," but they have that effect.

haha, more like a dream!

A friend's husband gave her the most unromantic possible Christmas gift a few years ago: a set of the most expensive placemats available at Target. This guy is supersmart, so possibly other men could make this mistake. So unless your S.O. is a placemat fanatic, do not go this route for any occasion.

(xpost) An iron. Wow. Well, the right person probably would love that (apparently your mother, Laurel!).

I hate ironing.

And yeah - Dan has the right idea. (Possibly expressed in the phrase, "go one better.")

Dan, FYI, your wife really likes the "Mission to Mars" room at Fantasy Suites.

(xpost: I know, I've got the tape.)

On the other hand, would you please move back to Minnesota? I will do your crazy piles of laundry, including folding, if you will iron for me.

Also, I love your mother.

My friend who got the placemats took them back to Target and exchanged them for some jewelry. Her husband - who has a huge ego - was a bit crushed.

(xpost)

Dan - do you know that I am a lip balm addict (as well as lipstick)? You don't think your Mom would adopt me? (And consider switching to Burt's Bees...)

perhaps also personal? gifts that relate to chores can be a drag.

(xpost to Fluffy Bear)

I have gotten much better at the whole folding the clothes thing, but I am definitely the designated ironer in our house. My gf can't iron to save her life. She bats her eyes at me and her voice gets all girlish and then she asks me to iron her shirt or a skirt or something - it's not exactly romantic.

I don't. I just find it confusing. :-( I suppose now I'm starting to see the anti-Balkanisation stance, when neutral threads are taken over by Balkans I'm not part of.

Yes. Evidence that the man is thinking about you and appreciating you, and understands that this appreciation should be expressed every now and then, not just assumed.

but aren't we talking about the forms that that evidence and expression should take? and are there certain forms of evidence and expression from which people "just assume" meaning?

i.e. anal

This is about 75% my worst nightmare and 25% what I want. (Which I suppose makes sense.)

Romance is when one person recognizes that there's something special about the person he or she is with and reaches above that routine to express it to the other, who is hopefully also jolted out of the routine and happier for it.

This is completely OTM -- or at least, anyone who I'd ever want to be with would see things this way.

And I don't think anyone's out of line in pointing out that it's very easy for it to seem like the burden of "acting romantic" is primarily on men, and that it can seem tied to having to spend $$$. The gender studies angle there is obvious. But as has been pointed out, I don't think most people here are in the "diamonds-are-forever" crowd, so pointing it out is probably a little redundant.

http://www.openplease.com/cat-images-lg/FF967.jpg

These actions usually just subtly indicate thoughtfulness - even just asking if you would like a cup of tea and then making it for you after a long day, or taping a programme they thought you might enjoy. The everyday sensitivities to what you are like, rather than a SPECIAL OCCASION, MUST BE BRILLIANT, which can seem kind of forced, especially if this is NOT what you are like. Of course, this is a personal p.o.v so feel free to disregard/challenge it.

i'm a born-n-bred yankee and i like the trad romance crap too (creative expressions of it, anyway). guys never think i do because i'm all tomboyish or whatever, but i spend so little time caring about my gender in my day-to-day life that i actually do enjoy some sort of acknowledgment that i'm female.

The thing is, in today's blah blah disposable, past-paced, over-mediated, hypersexual culture, where there seems to be no such thing as a straightforward "Relationship" any more, and everybody is getting bent out of shape about noyfriends, fuckbuddies, friends with benefits, NSA, and all the other shades of "let's pretend we're not in a Relationship" - I think that it is perfectly fair to come out and say, at the beginning of a relationship "I am interested in ROMANCE" and mean - I want all that nice stuff that successful relationships are made of, not some quasi-relationship Noyfriend.

But that is 100% *MY* interpretation, of the sort of thing *I* would say if I were to start dating again. And nothing to do with the woman in the question.

But if I had to choose I'd go for number 1 every time.

but when you use 'romance' in that fashion, isn't what you're really saying that you want something better than nothing? 'a little romance', or even the pretense of romance? and doesn't it diminish the concept to use it in that fashion?

One thing I like about the social circles I move in is that everyone is very upfront about what they want right from the start. They might change their mind occasionally about what sort of person they're looking for (I know I have), but they always make it very clear what they do and don't want.