Bah Humbug - The Elf on the Shelf

pplains you're so otm about no kids being involved in this garbage

the condescension of it really pisses me off

I can guarantee you NO KIDS were included in the development of this thing.

http://www.mikecornelison.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/joe-biden-cymbal-crashing-monkey.gif

i am *this* close to flagging u for that JF

JERK I HATE U

Beeps' least favorite part of Toy Story 3 -- and that includes the part where all the toys are nearly incinerated.

That toy-guilt stuff ruins Toy Story imho. Can't the toys have an adventure without continually being under threat of getting chucked out, imprisoned, given away to bad kids or violated in one of dozens of ways? It's like fucking Vietnam. None of my children enjoyed Toy Story 3 because they were so stressed out about the continual threats of torture etc on the main characters.

As for the Elf on the Shelf, I've ignored the "naughty or nice" part of the Santa yarn with my children. It's only little kids who believe in Santa anyway so why give them more stuff to worry about? I am a hippy though.

Ugh my mother in law brought this up on the weekend - apparently all her friends' grandkids have one; I can only assume we will receive one as a gift from her eventually. My kids are too little for it still but even when they're older this will not be for us.

Through playgroups I know lots of families who have one and I think they're a bit mental, but some mums I've talked to have foregone the surveillance aspect with their kids and just done fun things like "oh look the elf drew you a picture last night!" Or whatever. I'm still not on board with pretending a doll is literally alive though, and vg is otm about it being super condescending and just really unnecessary.

I had no fucking clue what this thing was and now I'm super creeped out by it.

Whoah

They always said that clicking on strange threads late at night would lead me to a bad end. I never knew how right they were.

Buying some sort of doll for our son, showing it to him, then telling him he could never touch it would lead to like an ultimate meltdown. So cruel. Even setting aside the fucking crazy surveillance aspect. Of course, hey, the government needs to indoctrinate these kids somehow, right?

Once when I was five, it was near Christmastime and I was playing in my room. All of a sudden I heard my dad yelling from the living room and this clatter. I get up, run out to see what's going on. Dad's running back inside from the front porch and telling me, "Santa was just here! He left something for you, but took off before I could do anything!

He goes over to the fireplace, reaches up into it, and pulls out a rolled-up poster that turned out to be that one of John Denver posing with the Muppets. Right about then, I started to realize (maybe not in these terms) that holy shit, Santa Claus had just been to my house and I was too busy fucking around in my bedroom.

I didn't care about the poster. I couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened and more importantly, what I had just missed. My dad was pretty pumped, and he had only gotten to see Santa's sleigh take off. The fact that this was happening on something like December 19 didn't even faze me.

Seriously, anyone who's pulling this shit on their children are either sociopaths or they're somehow that rare human that was never a kid to begin with.

Haha have I told the one about how my mom couldn't figure out why my little sister didn't seem to be looking forward to Christmas on the first year that she was old enough to understand what Christmas was? Eventually my mom found her in tears, wringing a blanket in her hands or something, terrified by the wrong-ness of a strange man coming into our house while we slept. Some reassurance was required.

It's like, Do you grown-ups hear what you're saying to us?

So who'll be the first here to have an elf on the shelf at work? He'll be like that monkey on the hat stand in the UK Office.

My dad pulled that trick on us all once, he snuck out front, hid behind a wall some way away and yelled HO HO HO, maye thru a toilet roll or somerhing, it sounded far away and hollow like it was.... oooh i dunno, UP IN THE SKY?

I *totally* bought it. Then later on at school I mentioned and got laughed at for still believing santa actually existed when I was in 3rd grade or whatever it was.

PP, I think you're ready for Festivus.

i was the last person in my grade to find out about santa claus

(whispers) grade 6

The cruel hoax known as santa abated early on for me, largely due to the kindly insistance of old siblings who tore the scales from my eyes.

http://i49.tinypic.com/2dkmwc8.gif

flagging u too z s godDAMMIT

;_;

At a very young age, I snuck down to discover my mom wrapping presents. Don't remember ever actually believing in Santa, but I'm sure I did.

My mom has very warm memories of seeing Santa outside her childhood house in the country. She thought those memories were fabricated until she was in her late 40s when her mother recounted the story of her aunt dressing up as Santa and walking through the snow around the house and into the trees.

it wasn't a hugely traumatic thing to find out about santa - I mean, I remember being upset, but then I still had a younger brother and sister. And Mum had asked me if I would be able to play a long for a while until they were old enough to find out. And I was so happy. Like, I could still behave the same way I always had. Nothing really changed. And even when my brother and sister found out, we all still got a kick out of saying to each other 'hey look want santa brought me'. Becuase I think we all sort of didn't want to be like our friends' families, where the kids are all surly and get money for christmas and get drunk at a club on christmas eve and go out wiht their friends after christmas lunch. christmas was always fun in our house, so we kinda had this weird unspoken agreeement to just keep it fun.

not in a creepy way. my parents never dressed up or put out reindeer hoof prints or anything like that. but I felt like I was lucky that I didn't have to really get that let down?

There are so many things wrong with this elf, including the fact that it doesn't officially wake up from it's coma until you register it online.

You are a grown woman, Stephanie.

http://i.imgur.com/kH8sK.png

...

Who's up for a little scatplay?

http://i47.tinypic.com/2cx998l.jpg

and

there

is

this

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V

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/c0.0.403.403/p403x403/293220_514292148593009_1100191092_n.jpg

"Don't touch it."

oh my god

See also the squatting over a cookie one upthread.

http://www.blogspot.com/photos/elf_on_the_shelf_fisting_ball_gagged_cat

it's a running gag!

http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/393049_10151342769616293_2060939532_n.jpg

Ugh my mother in law brought this up on the weekend - apparently all her friends' grandkids have one; I can only assume we will receive one as a gift from her eventually. My kids are too little for it still but even when they're older this will not be for us.

― franny glass, Tuesday, 11 December 2012 03:59 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Yup, we received one yesterday as a gift. Even though my husband and I have already agreed on it creepiness and general unacceptability, we feined enthusiasm. So now I'm worried how to respond next year when she wants to know what we named it etc.

"His name is 'Boxy' because, guess where he lives!"

Box Hill

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Box_Hill,_Victoria

I think there's More to the No Touch rule than PPlains is willing to investigate. Think Santa requires a visit from the authorities.

Yeah, human services workers might want to use something else in their investigations.

"Now where on this doll did he touch –"

"DON'T TOUCH THE DOLL! HE WILL NO LONGER BE PURE AND MAGICAL IF HE'S TOUCHED!"

now the bloody thing is on my feed too
GET IT OFF GET IT OFF ugh

posted today:

http://i412.photobucket.com/albums/pp201/sharonjoy666/D6BBD6C4-4454-496E-AC54-ADAC275EEBFE-1953-00000173221613F6.jpg

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8357/8267871198_7f8e421c1c_c.jpg

Finally, someone remembers the Reason for the Season.

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8343/8243932772_dd7a32b5fe_z.jpg

Coming up next: Genitals

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8204/8232570253_bceedc406c_z.jpg

Note the straw placement

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8057/8269767947_327c76ea7a_c.jpg
http://adventuresofagrownup.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/goodfellas_body_meat_freezer_09-300x225.jpg

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8489/8284431873_3b641ab1b5_c.jpg

God, Santa. No seriously. I can't tell you how much I love watching that girl swim.

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7161/6582609673_62cb402735_z.jpg

More syrup. Don't think that this Barbie is officially licensed by Mattel, if you get my drift.

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7014/6503669673_0605d1026e_b.jpg

*sighs* *puts camera down* *sobs*

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7168/6510917541_a413455907_z.jpg

jesus christ. I mean, i love christmas more than most normal ppl and I seriously want to murder these people so much

I have never heard of this.

http://www.lilblueboo.com/wp-content/gallery/elf-on-the-shelf-pg-13/elf-in-a-blender.jpg

They're airing the Elf on a Shelf special this year alongside The Michelin Man's Holiday Drive and Charmin's Dingleberry Bears' Christmas Pooptacular for maximum marketing synergy.

I'd never heard of the elf on the shelf until last year. Not I invoke it all the time, all year.

I guess that's ketchup, not BBQ sauce.

For hope in national politics, one must still look toward Georgia:

Robert Leonard, a judge in metropolitan Atlanta, is doing what he can to stop the tyranny of the Christmas tradition of “Elf on the Shelf,” issuing an order banning the tiny creatures from sitting and spying, then dropping lumps of coal in the stockings of mischievous kids in Cobb County.

tackling the important issues

He’s got my vote!

You will hide when I say you must hide
Elf on the Shelf

I was born for spying!